Her lips lift into a small, reassuring smile that cuts me more than any of her words. “I know you can. I never stopped believing in you, even when you gave up on yourself.”
I clutch her hands and tuck them against my pounding heart. “Please give me until we sell the house to get help. That’s all I ask.”
My hope deflates with a single shake of her head.
“Please.” I press her palm against my cheek, drawing her eyes toward my pleading ones. “I want to be someone you can count on. I really fucking do, but I can’t commit to going back to rehab until the house is sold.” Desperation bleeds through my voice.
The process of combing through my past and working through my shit will knock me on my ass for weeks or maybe more, and I’m not ready for that kind of emotional pain until I meet my grandfather’s deadline.
You mean the deadline for an inheritance that you haven’t even told her about?
My stomach churns, guilt clawing its way up my throat.
You could tell her.
No, the voice of reason speaks up.
Telling Lana about my grandfather’s will could risk everything, and I didn’t go through all this trouble to prove I’m a failure yet again.
One day, I’ll be able to tell her all about the inheritance, but today isn’t that day—no matter how sick to my stomach I feel by withholding the truth.
Her gaze pins me in place. “Who cares about selling the house?”
“I do.” My voice cracks.
Her lips purse with distaste.
You’re losing her all over again.
“Why?” she asks.
“Because I made a commitment to selling it and I can’t back down.” My throat feels as if someone wrapped their hand around it and squeezed.
“A commitment to who?”
“Myself.” I speak with absolute honesty.
“What?”
“You have lots of happy memories in that house, and while I do too, it’s not enough to make me want to keep it. Not by a long shot.”
She visibly swallows. “Why not?”
“Because it reminds me of some of the worst moments of my life. The mother I lost. The father who no longer exists. A grandfather who abandoned me when I needed him.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t think I could ever truly move forward with my life with that house still hanging over my head.” The words I speak are completely true, yet they still feel like a lie.
You’re doing this to protect your brothers and their futures.
If I’m doing the right thing, then why does it feel so shitty?
Her head shakes. “If you’re serious about us, then you’d go and get help before this gets worse, regardless of needing to sell a house. I refuse to watch history repeat itself—for me and for my daughter.”
“It won’t anymore. I can promise you that.”
“How am I supposed to trust you?”
As good a question as any, and one that makes my heart pound harder in my chest.
I clasp on to her chin. “Because I can’t survive losing you again. Getting a glimpse of the life we could have if I changed is enough to convince me that I will never be happier than I am with you, even if I have a long way to go before we can move forward together. You asked if I’m willing to put in the work? I’m so fucking ready, I would sell the house tomorrow.”
Different emotions flicker across her face.
Sadness. Uncertainty. Resignation. It’s the last one that makes the acid rolling my stomach unbearable.
Lana takes a few deep breaths before peeking up from underneath her lashes. “Then do it.”
My eyebrows tug together. “Do what?”
“Put the house on the market tomorrow before we leave for Dreamland.”
My mouth drops open. “Tomorrow?”
“Is that a problem? You’re the one who wants to sell it so you can move on with your life, so here’s your chance. Contact the realtor first thing in the morning.”
The tightness in my chest makes breathing a nearly impossible task. “I thought we agreed to remodel the house first.”
What are you doing questioning her? Just agree and take your win where you can get it.
Her chin quivers. “Plenty of people put houses on the market while they are in the middle of construction. We can just have the realtor share the renovation mock-ups Ryder sent us, along with the blueprints.”
Her plan is logical and foolproof, yet the look on her face has me questioning the whole thing.
If you tell her about the inheritance, you’re not only letting your brothers down, but yourself too.
It’s one thing to fail myself, but to risk everyone else’s future, including Iris’s, isn’t worth it.
I release a pent-up breath. “I’ll contact the realtor and the rehab facility early in the morning.”
I’m not sure if leaving before the end of the summer is a possibility, but I will call Leo before to find out how or if that could affect the will.
Hopefully not. I’ve already spent a good portion of my summer here.
She blinks twice. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
I’ve never been more sure of anything. Getting sober was always the end goal, and Lana encouraged me to find a way to get there sooner.
“Yes. There is nothing I want more for myself than a future with you.”
She bites down on her bottom lip. “It’s not just me anymore. Cami and I are a package deal.”
I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her flush against me. “You and Cami aren’t a deal. You two are a lottery jackpot, and it’s time someone treated you both that way.”
38
ALANA
I stare at Cal, processing everything he said. I’ve never had anyone speak about Cami and me the way he does. His words make my eyes water, the tears from before threatening to come back with a vengeance.
You and Cami aren’t a deal. You two are a lottery jackpot, and it’s time someone treated you both that way.
My whole heart feels impossibly full and ready to burst. I want to believe what Cal says. That he will get better. But I can’t deny the tiny shred of doubt worming its way through my happiness, threatening to poison it with my worries.
As if he senses my thoughts, Cal tucks his fingers under my chin and lifts my head. “I know you don’t trust me. Not fully at least, and I don’t blame you one bit. So, push me away. Get mad at me for drinking. Ice me out because you’re afraid of letting me in again. Do whatever makes you feel safe, happy, and in control.
“But just know that whatever you do won’t change the fact that I will keep fighting for us and the future I know we can have. The one we deserve to have. Whatever you do won’t stop me from getting help. Just like it won’t stop me from wanting to be a part of Cami’s life in whatever way I can, even if we aren’t together. From—”
That’s it.
Watching Cal love my kid to the point of wanting to stay in her life regardless of our relationship status is enough to snap the last bit of restraint I have.
I cut him off with a searing kiss. A kiss I pour all my feelings into. Excitement. Fear. Adoration.
Cal matches my desperation, his lips teasing me until I’m wild for more. A tingle spreads down my spine as he slides his fingers through my hair and tugs me closer. His lips press against mine and match my pace, turning my world upside down from all the different sensations overwhelming me.