It occurs to me that maybe this is because of me. Because of this life I抳e dragged him back into. Being a single dad, with a Deaf daughter and one （adorable-slash-exhausting） comedic client to manage, combined with the hours and the travel that go alongside it?Well, it must take a toll.
揇o you regret taking me on??I ask before I can think twice about it.
He stops, head turning to me quickly with a confused pout梐s opposed to his normal, simply-just-existing perma-frown. My brain backpedals immediately, and to my own horror, my hand reaches up and pokes him between the eyebrows, into the crease there with a boop.
揃ecause that抯 too bad if you do. You have all the TV subscriptions and know all of my passwords and I抦 too attached at this point?Hey, Bob!?I beeline when I see Bob, my favorite security guard. 揕ooking good, man. Jesus, I swear you have less and less neck each time I see you.?I give his bulging biceps a quick squeeze. 揚retty soon you抣l only have your personality to blame when women reject you.?
揧ou know your set抯 over, right??Bob chuckles at me. 揃esides, I抦 only trying to keep up with Meyer here.?
But before I can come up with a snarky response and engage in our standard back-and-forth, Meyer抯 hand grips my elbow, and I jolt. We spend a large percentage of our lives together, but I take care to avoid too much casual touching when it comes to him. Twice in one night might be a record.
揊arley.?I look up at him and then follow his eyes?Holy. Balls.
Kara Wu is here.
At my show.
The show that just killed.
She抯 smiling in my direction.
My favorite comedienne, one of the most famous in the country梬ho has written for wildly successful shows and has hosted Saturday Night Live梚s here and she is smiling in my direction.
So, naturally, I do the thing. The thing that no cool girl ever does.
I look around to see who she is smiling at.
I close my eyes and sigh through my nose when I realize what I抳e done, steel myself, and turn back to her with a shaky smile.
When she is in my immediate proximity, I double back my gaze up to Meyer and check that I抦 not hallucinating. He just tilts a close-lipped grin down at me, a mildly entertained look in his eyes.
I tear my eyes away and turn back to Kara Wu, still smiling expectantly. I also vaguely register Bob in my peripheral, silently laughing and pulling up his phone to snap a photo.
揊arley??Kara Wu says.
揔ara Wu??I squeak. It comes out like an accusation.
She laughs. 揓ust Kara is fine. Fucking great show.?Ohmygod, I love her. A mom who is not afraid to pull the punches with the language in her set and obviously not in regular life, either. Gritty, real, raunchy, and naturally hilarious. I want her to be my friend. I would follow her around and slice grapes for her kids, I would talk on the phone to her, I would?I don抰 know, the talking on the phone thing short-circuited my brain.
Meyer elbows me but speaks on our behalf while I continue my brain reboot. 揔ara. It抯 been a few years, but I met you awhile back.?He reaches out to shake her hand.
揙h, I remember you, alright. Back from when I was touring with Marshall. I wouldn抰 forget your face.?She looks up at him through her lashes with an appreciative grin. Can抰 blame her, he is a sight worthy of the appreciation. Tall, muscular, perfectly weathered with that salty brown hair and beard. The boy-next-door turned into a devastating man. But, when she maintains her grip on his hand a little too long, a flare of possessiveness runs through me and forces me through my hard reset.
揟hank you. I cannot believe you抮e here,?I say and punch out my own hand for her to take.
揥ell, believe it. I抳e had you on my radar for a while now, which brings me to this.?She gestures for someone to come over. 揟his is my manager, Clay. Clay, Meyer, you guys talk. I抦 going to have a chat with Farley over here.?Oh, God. Okay. It抯 happening. This is happening.
We walk away a few paces before she turns to me. 揑抦 just going to lay my cards on the table, here. I want you to open for us on our tour.?
Don抰 burst into violently happy tears, Fee. Don抰。 Not yet, at least. 揙pen. For you. For you, and棓
揊or me and for Shauna Cooper. We love you, and while there are a few others in the running, you抎 be our first pick. I just wanted to feel some things out with you first.?
Steely determination crawls through me, my heart hammering in my ears. That抯 my spot. 揥hat do I need to do??
揥ell, to be frank, there抯 nothing really that you can do in a work aspect. Your sets speak for themselves. You抮e our first pick because we want the sharpest comedy from start to finish. Not to mention on paper, you抎 be the perfect addition to round us out. We have good representation between us in terms of age, sexuality, and ethnicity, and we抮e not afraid of being dirty. You bring the quirk, I bring the mom factor, Shauna brings the take on the political-social climate. But we抮e still an all-female comedy tour, and this is still a primarily male lead faction of the entertainment industry. And I want it to blow this shit out of the water, Farley. I want all the hype for this. We need to have a killer PR run before this thing starts, which means we need to garner some media attention. Hence, this conversation.?
揙kay. I抦 okay with that. I抦 totally on board.?I love the sound of that. The number of Netflix specials featuring men versus female comedians is staggering. I am vibrating with excitement and motivation.
揑t also means interviews, potentially, and unfortunately, people getting invested in your personal life?a definite. People tend to be more invested in female comedians when they feel like they know, or get, where the jokes are being developed.?
Okay?I don抰 love the sound of that?
揑抦 not proud of it, but if it gains a bigger following for this and gets us the exposure we deserve, I抦 not above a little healthy exploitation.?
揑 get it. I do,?I say, but don抰 mask the wary tone to my voice.
揥e have an idea. Well, I have an idea, at least.?
揙kay厰
揥ell, you抮e young, cute, and nothing garners attention quite like other people抯 love lives.?
I freeze in panic, my tongue swelling in my mouth as I grimace and huff out a laugh, suspecting the direction this is headed for.
揑 would just prefer that part of my real life to stay somewhat private,?I lie. I don抰 need to explain that what I share on stage is different.
揢nderstandable. But, even if we don抰 stoke the flame of publicity beforehand, you do understand that it would be a natural byproduct of taking this on? I have SNL booked two months from now, plus Shauna has a movie coming out, and will be photographed at every one of Tyson抯 games until the tour starts厰 Right. Shauna Cooper is dating Tyson Callahan, star something for the something-somethings of a sport. I don抰 care who she dates. I care deeply for her comedy, though?
But that抯 just it, isn抰 it? I have an investment in her after years of watching her and looking up to her. And yet even I still know that who she dates is newsworthy and has probably drawn more people to look her up.
揗y卍ating life. It抯 not actually existent,?I admit.
She laughs quickly before smoothing it away. 揙h believe me, I know. I figured that. Not that you seem undateable or anything. I just know how it is when you抮e starting out.?She smiles warmly before blowing out a breath. 揥ould you object to being photographed with a celebrity faux-beau? Let some speculative gossip happen??
揙h my god, that抯 a thing? Celebrities really fake attachments for publicity??