Her words bring me back down, soothe my aching heart and ease my panic.
揧eah,?I sniffle. 揑 guess that makes sense.?
揥hat抯 going on with you Vivi? What抯 the story, morning glory??
Even though I was head of the household after my mother died, we don抰 have a parental sort of relationship. I was the adult, but it was still a situation where the four of us were in it together. So now that Tuni抯 all grown up, she抯 my beloved sister, but also on my level梞y dearest friend.
揟here抯 this guy . . . that I work with.?My voice lightens, the way it tends to whenever I talk about Connor. 揌e has three boys and he抯 divorced and he抯 gorgeous and funny and an incredible father. He抯 perfect and I抳e liked him forever. And we got close . . . we became friends. Then we slept together梐nd it was amazing. More amazing than I could ever tell you.?
My heart expands with the sweet memories. And then it squeezes, like it抯 being crushed in a stainless-steel, high-end juicer.
揃ut afterward, he didn抰 react like I thought he would. He left while I was asleep and I haven抰 heard from him since. I don抰 know why and I don抰 know what to do.?
Tuni抯 quiet for a few moments.
Then she says, 揝ome men are complicated fuckers.?
I laugh, for the first time today.
揧ou said he抯 divorced??she asks.
揧eah.?
揥ell, maybe he was overwhelmed by the power of your enchanted vajayjay? He could be gun-shy if he抯 been burned before.?
I didn抰 know Connor when he was married. His divorce was finalized before I moved to Lakeside. Though I know he抯 dated梟urses talk梙e hasn抰 been in a serious relationship since his marriage ended. And according to Callie, even his one-off dates haven抰 been experiences to write home about. Could it be that he抯 just out of practice on post-sex etiquette?
揟hat抯 true.?
揙r maybe something抯 going on with one of his kids? He got the call and had to rush out the door without leaving a note. You know how that can be.?
I once had to rush out in the middle of a night class because Chrissy accidentally set the kitchen curtains on fire when she was cooking dinner. She抎 put the fire out with the fire extinguisher, but I still had to get home to talk to the fire department and make sure everything was okay.
揑 didn抰 even think of that. I hope everyone is okay. The boys are great kids, but they抮e still kids梔efinitely a handful.?
Slowly, the weight of being blown off by Connor starts to lift from my heart.
揌e mentioned he was on at the hospital tonight, so I can go in early tomorrow morning for my shift and talk to him before he leaves.?
揟here you go,?Tuni says. 揘ow you know what you抮e going to do. And whatever happens, Vivi, just remember that you are a treasure. You抮e so good at loving the people you care about梐nyone who抯 worthy of you is going to see that, feel it, and want to give all that love right back to you. It抯 the law of balance梚t抯 science.?
I laugh again. 揑 love you, Petunia. Thank you.?
揑 love you too, sis. Anytime.?
*
Early the next morning, I find Connor in the doctor抯 lounge, at his locker.
Though his back is to me, I stand in the doorway for a moment, soaking in the sight of him. Because now that I know what he feels like above me and behind me梟ow that I know how the planes of his shoulder blades and his waist feel beneath my palms, his taste and his scent and his tantalizing sounds桰抦 drawn to him even more. Like a sugar craving, an addiction: having a little just makes you want more.
I move up toward him as his fingers deftly turn the combination lock. My breath catches at the remembrance of what those fingers are capable of梙ow they stroked and teased, pinched and rubbed so exquisitely.
But I shake off the lust-fog and step up beside him.
揌i, Connor!?
Inside, I cringe at the high-pitched cheeriness in my voice.
揌ey Violet,?he replies smoothly, the warm timber of his voice threatening to call forth another round of salacious memories.
But I push them away, asking, 揌ow are you??
揑抦 good.?He smiles. 揟errific. It was a slow night. Just an infant with an ear infection, a couple sutures, and one case of chlamydia that was taken care of with a trusty shot of penicillin.?
揝uper.?
揧eah.?
Even though we抮e alone in the room, I move closer and lower my voice.
揝o . . . I wanted to talk to you about the other night.?
His gorgeous smile stretches wider and his eyes warm.
揥hat about it??
揥ell, I mean, I woke up and you were just . . . gone.?
揧eah.?He nods like it抯 totally fine, totally expected. 揑 had to get home to the boys and you were sleeping, and I figured you抎 have stuff to do. I didn抰 want to be in your way.?
Okay, that makes sense.
Kind of.
Except for the whole not waking me up to say goodbye after sharing one of the most intense and intimate sexual experiences of my life. And the not calling or texting afterward. That抯 still pretty shitty.
Then a crushing thought occurs to me. Maybe it wasn抰 as mind-blowing for him? Maybe he was . . . disappointed? Is that what he抯 trying to say?
揃ut you . . . you had a good time, right??I ask, my cheeks flushing with the heat of Mordor抯 Mount Doom.
Finally, he quits digging through his locker. He stops purposefully and turns, his dark eyes delving deeply into mine.
揑 had a great time, Violet.?
And the anxiety that抯 been strangling my lungs loosens its grip. Because Connor抯 looking at me with sincerity and affection and pure, infinite tenderness.
揑t was fun.?
Hold the fuck on . . .
揊un??
And now I sound like a parrot. A stupid, stupid parrot who抯 about to get her heart pulverized into dust.
揧eah,?he says, closing his locker with a metallic clang. 揥e should do it again sometime. If you抮e free and I抦 free. You know, whatever.?
What. Ever? Is he serious right now?
With my thoughts spinning and my soul dying, I nod like a robot on the very last of its battery power.
But then, as he slides the strap of his bag onto his shoulder, there抯 a slow flicker from deep inside my gut. An orange ember just beginning to ignite, that builds and grows梖eeding off my disappointment and humiliation and converting my heartache to incandescent rage.
Rage is so much easier.
Burning, wild, scorned woman fury.
Fuck you, Connor Daniels! I don抰 say it out loud, but I抦 shouting it from the rooftops inside, because seriously梖uck him.
Fuck him gently with a whole shed of chainsaws.
How dare he turn out to be just like every other asshole on the planet when I have idolized him for years!
Fuck his beautiful voice and his flawless, awesome personality. Fuck his sexy arms and his phenomenal penis. Fuck his brilliant doctor mind and his gentle, magnificent dad soul.
揝ure, whatever.?My lips press together in a smile so tight I think they split. But he doesn抰 notice because he抯 not looking at me. 揟hat would be swell.?
For the record I never say swell. I picked it up off a Madmen episode and since we抮e now operating at that same level of epic dickbaggery桰 figure it fits.
From now on that抯 all he gets梩he fake me.
Connor doesn抰 get to have any piece of the real me. Not my smile or my laugh or my words . . . definitely not my heart.
Not anymore.
He squeezes my shoulder.
揅ool. Have a good shift, Violet. I抣l talk to you later.?
And he walks out the door.
CHAPTER TEN
Connor
After Violet approached me in the doctors?lounge that morning, I thought things were going in the right direction. That I was handling the situation masterfully and she was right where I wanted her to be. Interested. Eager. Prepared to come back for more梐gain and again.