揘o.?
揥ould you care if I asked her out??
My expression and tone go hard, shutting that talk right the fuck down.
揧eah, I would.?
揥hy wouldn抰 you ask her out??Ryan wonders.
I shrug. 揥e work together.?
揝o??Garrett says. 揅allie and I work together. And there抯 nothing about it that抯 not awesome.?
揟hat抯 different.?
Garrett and Callie were serious all through high school. They broke up during the college years and the decade after, then Callie came back to Jersey from California taking a temporary job teaching theater at the high school while she took care of her parents. A temporary job that became permanent when she and Garrett got back together, got married, and decided to stay in Lakeside.
揤iolet抯 . . . young.?I explain.
揌ow young??Ryan asks.
揟hirty.?
揟hirty抯 not young,?Garrett says.
揝peak for yourself, old man,?Timmy objects. 揑抦 thirty and I抦 still as young as a babe in the woods.?
揧ou抮e an immature dumbass who still gets Mommy to do his laundry for him,?Garrett counters. 揟here抯 a difference.?
Timmy flips Garrett off. Just like the old days.
Ryan takes the diplomatic approach.
揟hirty抯 not young. It抯 just . . . younger.?
Being my only single brother, Tim was my wingman after the divorce. We抎 hit the bars on the weekends, he gave me pointers on dating apps, a few times we went out with one of his hookup friends and her friends.
The problem was, everyone Tim knows is thirty, like him, or younger. The girls were great to look at . . . but boring as dirt. We weren抰 on the same page or in the same book梬e weren抰 even in the same library.
One time, at dinner, they didn抰 have the beer I liked, so I joked around 搼I am Jack抯 disappointed liver挃梐nd the girl asked me if Jack was one of my other brothers.
I mean, who doesn抰 get a Fight Club reference? Apparently, twenty-eight-year-old girls.
After that I instituted a thirty-five-and-up policy that hasn抰 steered me wrong.
揑 should take advice from the guy who just admitted he抎 do the dirty with his mother-in-law??I ask Ryan.
He laughs. 揑 said probably, douchebag. And don抰 tell Angy梥he抣l think I抦 a freak.?
Timmy knocks Ryan抯 hat off. 揧ou are a freak, dude. The mother of your children deserves to know.?
Ryan picks up his hat and punches Timmy in the arm as they climb in my truck. But Garrett抯 hanging a few steps back梬atching the rear lights of Violet抯 car as it pulls out of the parking lot.
揌ey, you coming??I call.
His expression is intense for a moment. Deep in thought. It抯 the same look he gets when he抯 staring at the whiteboard, inventing a new play for the football team.
Then he blinks, and it抯 gone.
揧eah.?He jogs over. 揑抦 getting right on that.?
CHAPTER THREE
Violet
There抯 something wrong with guys my age.
They抮e so self-centered. So wishy-washy. Soft.
So . . . young.
It抯 like they missed a rung on the developmental ladder. Or somewhere around high school, just decided to stop climbing. And voil鄺thirty became the new eighteen.
Take Evan, sitting across from me in this gleaming Formica-accented, trendy-and-it-knows-it restaurant in downtown Redbank, New Jersey. We抮e on our first date梐 blind date. His mom is the cousin of my coworker抯 brother抯 best friend抯 sister.
Try saying that three times fast. It抯 like six degrees of setup separation.
I used to partake in the dating sites梙oping their algorithms were the magic brick road that would lead me to my perfect match. But I抳e sworn off them for a while now. Too many jerks and possible serial killers. Like the guy who was into mouse taxidermy and wanted to bring me to his attic to show off his collection.
From that point on, it抯 been human-to-human setups only.
And Evan抯 not bad as far as blind dates go梙e抯 five foot ten, with dark-blond hair, good personal hygiene, smooth hands, and a gentle smile.
It抯 just . . . well . . .
?. . . and then I said to myself, if I抦 going to be studying there for three years, why not double major and make it five??
He抯 still in school. Working toward his doctorate in philosophy and ancient languages. You know, like Latin and Sanskrit梩he practical stuff.
And though I value education and think it抯 commendable he抯 pursing this梙e still lives at home with his parents. In a room above their garage. I bet he抯 still on their cell-phone plan too梙e has that 揻amily share?look about him.
Evan hasn抰 really started life yet. There are so many experiences he hasn抰 had條ike apartment hunting, buying his own vacuum cleaner, paying rent.
I抳e been paying rent since I was nineteen. Going to school while working full-time since I was twenty. Balancing doctor appointments and teacher conferences while taking care of my younger siblings.
Evan抯 only ever taken care of himself. He抯 never even had a goldfish桰 asked.
So it抯 hard to be interested in someone who looks like a man and talks like a man . . . but for all intents and purposes, is still just a boy.
Put an Xbox remote in his hand and I bet he could talk shit with all the other twelve-year-olds.
And it抯 not just him. There are a lot of Evanses out there these days.
I抦 pretty sure I抳e gone out with most of them.
揝o, Violet, you抮e an emergency room nurse??
揅orrect.?I nod.
He raises his glass. 揟he noblest of professions. Tell me about your most intriguing case. Any snake bites or flesh-eating parasites??
Lakeside is a small town. If the hospital just treated the locals, the majority of cases would be sports injuries, allergic reactions to beestings, fishhook impalements梞aybe an occasional heart attack. Or a vengeful food poisoning courtesy of a wife who抯 been unappreciated one time too many.
That actually happened last month. Mr. Learner forgot his and Mrs. Learner抯 30th wedding anniversary and he called last minute to ask her to cook a big dinner for him and his fishing buddies after a long, hard day of chasing the bass around the lake.
It was ugly.
Mrs. Learner made Mr. Learner a 搒pecial?dish梛ust for him. It didn抰 kill him, but for the couple hours he had to be treated for dehydration, he was wishing it did.
揥e抮e a level two trauma center,?I tell Evan. 揝o we get our share of car accidents, compound fractures, stabbings, head injuries, infections . . . and people with stuff stuck up their butts.?
Evan抯 glass pauses halfway to his mouth.
揧ou抮e joking.?
揘ot even a little.?
From beer bottles to Barbie dolls, you would not believe the things people attempt to stick up their asses. And then can抰 get back out again.
It抯 called vacuum suction and word needs to be spread about it, far and wide.
For all our sakes.
I put my napkin on my empty plate. 揃ut probably the most unique case I抳e ever seen was a patient who came in with twisted testicles.?
揟wisted? Is that . . . is that even possible??
揝ure梚t抯 called testicular torsion.?I form a fist with one hand, demonstrating. 揙ne testicle wraps itself around the scrotum, cutting off the blood supply. It typically presents in adolescents and is extraordinarily painful . . . ?
揑 bet.?He grimaces.
揃ut this patient was in his forties and the crazy part is梙e didn抰 feel anything at all. It was a medical anomaly. Dr. Daniels梙e was the attending on the case梩hought it was due to how the nerve was compressed from the swelling.?
Evan gulps. 揝welling??
揙h yeah, they were like grapefruits. And getting bigger by the second. We were able to do a manual detorsion, otherwise the scrotum could抳e split right down the middle.?