But how could he?
How could someone who looked like him, who had talent like he had and a future in the fucking NFL want anything to do with me?
I was wound so tight that I jumped when the bedroom door creaked open, and Leo slipped inside, already dressed for practice with his gym bag slung over his shoulder. He dropped it at the door before crossing the room in three wide strides and climbing into bed with me.
It was a betrayal, the way my heart calmed when he was near, how my breathing leveled out just at the sight of him. When his scent surrounded me, I sighed with relief, like his presence was grounding me to the reality I wanted to believe.
“Did I wake you?” he asked, nuzzling his nose in my neck as he curled around me.
I shook my head, but didn’t answer, and I felt myself stiffening in his arms as my anxious thoughts crept back in. Leo noticed immediately, frowning as he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me. His brows furrowed with one look at my face.
“I woke myself,” I said, just above a whisper.
“You look like you saw a ghost.”
I hated that my eyes welled with tears, that my skin burned with the restraint to hold them at bay. But it was no use. One tear slipped out of my eye and down to my ear before Leo swiped it away with his thumb.
“Hey,” he said, searching my eyes. “What’s that about?”
That only made me shake my head harder, and I covered my face with my hands so I wouldn’t have to look at him, so he couldn’t look at me while I fell apart.
When I didn’t take my hands away, he covered them with his own. “Talk to me,” he pleaded.
My chest was so tight I thought I’d burst.
“Leo! We gotta go, man!” Kyle called from downstairs.
Leo cursed, but I just inhaled a steadying breath before wiping my face clean and pushing him gently. “Go. Don’t be late for practice, I’m fine.”
He gave me a look that said bullshit.
“I’ll be fine,” I amended.
He shook his head, sweeping my hair from my face. “I don’t want to leave you like this.”
For a long moment, Leo’s eyes flicked between mine, the concern growing in his features. And when he looked at me like that, it made it so easy to believe every word he’d said was real.
“Last night was…” He swallowed, thumbing my jaw. “Everything. It was everything to me, Stig.”
I nodded, leaning into his palm and closing my eyes. The motion set two more tears free, and Leo let out a pained sigh.
“Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
“Leo!” This time it was a chorus from our roommates, and I shoved him more forcefully toward the door.
“Go. We can talk later.”
Leo cursed again before taking my hands in his. He kissed each knuckle before leaning down and pressing a long, promising kiss to my lips.
“Whatever lies your brain is telling you, don’t believe them,” he pleaded. Then, with his hand holding mine until he had no choice but to pull away, he jogged out the door and down the stairs, grabbing his bag off the floor on the way out.
Once I heard the front door shut, my heart went into double time again.
See? Everything is fine, my brain tried to assure me.
No, it’s not, my heart combatted.
Back and forth like a rag doll in the jaws of a pit bull, my emotions tore through me, and I had no choice but to lay there and let them for what felt like hours.
It was all I could do to eventually peel myself out of bed, shower, and drag my ass downstairs to make coffee. I couldn’t stomach the thought of food. All I could do was watch the clock until it was a decent time late in the morning, and then I immediately texted the group chat between me, Julep, Riley, and Giana.
Me: S.O.S.
Less than a minute passed before my phone was ringing, and I answered the video call request to find a sleepy Julep staring back at me.
“Mary? What’s going on?”
“Are you still sleeping?” I asked, checking the time. It was half past eleven.
“I was up late working on wedding stuff, and then I was too wound up to sleep so I poled for a while,” she explained, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sat up more in bed. “What’s up, why the S.O.S.?”
Riley joined the video chat next. Her ponytail swung behind her as she walked through the locker room out into the hallway. I realized then she was probably in the middle of practice or about to watch game film.
Giana came on last, and she was at the stadium, too, in her office. It was dark enough that the phone screen reflected on the lenses of her glasses.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s a weird time of day, everyone’s busy. Riley, you’re at practice. Giana, you’re at work.” I shook my head. “Just call later, I’m fine.”
“Absolutely not,” Giana said, holding up one threatening finger. “I swear to God, if you hang up this phone, I will beat you with a book.”
If I wasn’t so paralyzed by anxiety, I would have laughed.
“We have twenty minutes until meetings start,” Riley added. “What’s going on, Mary?”
“Um… well…” I dropped my head back against the kitchen cabinet behind me. “I slept with Leo last night.”
“What?!” They said the word all together, all at once, and then Julep burst into confused laughter while Riley and Giana did various versions of happy dances.
“I knew it!” Giana said with a fist pump. “You two looked less than thirty seconds from eating each other outside the bar the other night.”
“This explains why Leo had a monster practice this morning,” Riley added with a smirk. “Little shithead has been a walking ego all day.”
“Okay, one,” Julep said, holding up a finger. “I feel like I need some background because last I knew, you hated the guy. And two,” she added. “Why do you look more like someone who got mugged rather than railed last night?”
Again, I wanted to laugh, but instead, my lower lip wobbled. “I wish I knew. I just… I’m a mess,” I whispered, and then cursed when I started crying again.
“Oh, babe,” Julep said, and I knew if she was with me, she’d have one hand petting my hair by now. “There are always big emotions after the first time. I freaked out when it happened with Holden, too.”
I nodded but couldn’t help but feel like my freakout was much more warranted than hers had been. Sure, Holden had been off limits for her, but there was no question ever about how he felt for her. We all saw it clear as day.
With Leo, we’d all seen him throw himself at every girl with long hair and a nice rack.
My stomach sank, and I felt two seconds away from vomiting.
The girls all gently consoled me until I got it together, and then Riley let out a sigh. “Honestly, I’m really glad you called. I’m not in the best shape either. My agent has pretty much confirmed that I have zero chance of being drafted, so it looks like this will be my last season playing football.”
“I’m so sorry, Riles,” Giana said softly. “I’ve been out of it, too. I’m in the biggest book funk of my life.”
Julep snorted. “No offense, G, but I don’t think that counts as an actual problem.”