“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, pointing at me and then the pole. “You really think my fat ass can get up this thing?”
“Hey!” Giana slapped my arm. “Don’t talk about my friend that way!”
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” I defended, rubbing my arm. Then, I grabbed the ample curves at my hips and over my stomach, my thighs, my ass, giving them all a squeeze and jiggle. “I’m just saying ya girl is thick and there isn’t any way in hell I’m getting to the top of this pole.”
“Size doesn’t mean shit in this sport,” Joany said. “Stick thin or curvaceous as hell, you can do anything you set your mind to.”
Julep smacked my ass. “She’s right. So go on, get to climbing.”
“You have a lot more faith in my arms than I do,” I mumbled.
“It’s not all arms. Squeeze the knees and engage the thighs, remember?” Riley said, and I gave her a look that said traitor. She only smiled saccharinely back at me.
With a sigh, I gave in trying to fight them on it and decided I’d prove my point. I reached up and wrapped my hands around the chrome, fixing my shin to the front of it like Joany showed us before I engaged my shoulders and lifted the other leg. Instantly, I slipped back down to the floor.
“Okay, I tried, let’s move on.”
“Ah, ah, ah, not so fast,” Julep said, and she held out the bottle of grip until I opened my palm and let her squeeze some into it. “Try again.”
My grip was infinitely better with the white goo she’d given me rubbed into each palm, and this time when I lifted my leg, I stayed put. With a grunt, I pulled my chest to the pole, switching hands before I tucked my knees up to my elbows and squeezed again.
I looked down at the ground, at how far away from it I was, and smiled.
Holy shit.
I’m climbing a fucking pole.
I tried to get a little higher, but my arms gave out, and I ended up slipping almost down to the bottom again.
This time, though, I didn’t give up.
I set my brow with determination and focused on the bell mocking me from the top.
I was going to ring that motherfucker.
“Go, Mary, go!” Giana cheered with a little clap as I reached up the pole again. The rest of the girls joined in encouraging me as I climbed, slowly but surely, up and up and up.
Sweat ran down my back and dampened my hair the higher I got, and every muscle in my body burned — my shoulders, my back, my arms, my legs, my fucking invisible abs. Everything had to be engaged, and I hadn’t used my muscles that intensely ever before in my life. Sure, yoga had its days, but I tended to stay away from the power flows and spent my time on my mat enjoying longer, deeper poses.
Not tonight.
Tonight, I was shutting out every voice in my head saying I couldn’t do it, and I was inching myself higher and higher up a chrome apparatus.
The last bit was the hardest, and I gritted through the pain and the desperate plea my body was giving me to stop as I reached up and grabbed the ribbon tied to the bell, ringing it like crazy. The girls went nuts below me, and I looked down with a victorious smile and a surge of adrenaline coursing through me.
I slid down fireman style, and when my feet hit the floor, I was immediately wrapped up in a group hug as the girls bounced around me. We laughed and cheered until we were breathless, and when they pulled away and high-fived me, every cell in my body went from buzzing to absolutely still.
I couldn’t explain what happened next.
One second we were celebrating and Joany was popping a bottle of champagne for us to toast our accomplishments.
The next?
I was sobbing.
The emotion bubbled up from my chest, making each breath shorter until the first cry escaped my lips. I wasn’t even sure what it was that had me choked up. Was it Leo and everything fucking with my head in that regard? Probably. But it also felt… bigger. More. Like I had just faced every fucking trauma that had ever held me down and I’d ripped each one to shreds.
Julep hugged me tight, and when she pulled back, she framed my arms, her eyes bright and shiny, too.
“Pole therapy,” she said.
Then, she slid a champagne flute into my hand, and with tears still drying on my cheeks, we clinked our glasses together and proceeded to get absolutely tanked.
Mary
“I swear to God, there’s nothing better than Cheetos when you’re drunk.”
Giana punctuated that statement by shoving a complete handful of the orange chips into her mouth, half of which landed in her lap and the floor around her. She crunched and groaned her approval with a smile.
We’d slammed shots at a night club until we all realized we’d rather be back at the hotel in our pajamas, which was where we were currently, sucking down a bottle of tequila and devouring the various snacks we’d had brought up.
Well, all of us except Riley, who chose to stay sober only because she didn’t want to die at practice the next day. Giana was able to get the day off and so was I, and Julep didn’t fly back to Charlotte until the following afternoon, but Riley couldn’t escape Coach’s wrath with the season starting up, and therefore was our sober spirit guide.
“I don’t know, I think this pizza wins my vote,” Riley argued as she twirled a hot piece of cheese dripping off her slice around one finger before popping it in her mouth. “I’ve been eating so clean all through camp, I forgot what a good greasy slice tastes like.”
“You look fucking insane,” Julep said in the way of a compliment. “Like, more ripped than I’ve ever seen you.”
“Well, I am insane,” Riley said. “Because I thought if I could put on some weight, build muscle, and level up my kicks, I’d have a shot at the draft.” Her eyes softened, losing focus somewhere beyond her slice of pizza. “What a fucking joke.”
She took a bite while the rest of us offered her sympathetic looks of understanding.
“They’re idiots,” Giana said.
“Is there any other way you can play?” Julep asked. “Like a women’s league or something?”
I smiled a bit at Julep offering a solution, because this time last year, that girl was a walking rain cloud with no optimism or silver lining to be found. Holden had changed that.
“Actually, kind of,” Riley said with a shade of hope. “The Women’s Football Alliance. It’s a minor league, and the pay isn’t great, but… the Boston team is really good. They’ve already reached out with some interest.”
“See!” I said, nudging her knee.
Riley smiled on a nod. “Yeah. It’s cool. It’s just…”
“You should be able to play in the NFL,” Julep finished for her. “You should be able to at least have the chance.”
Riley shrugged, but we could all feel her agreement in the air. It was a tricky situation. To play on a field full of massive grown men could be dangerous for her. But as a kicker, would she really have that much contact anyway? And she wasn’t just a good kicker, she was the best one playing college ball right now.
But because she was a woman, she didn’t even have the chance to prove she could handle it.
I couldn’t imagine her frustration.
“Anyway, how’s the wedding planning?” Riley asked Julep.