Ripping off the hospital gown, I stood shivering in my jocks, feeling like my head was about to explode, but needing to move because the prospect of staying here was unthinkable.
“Jesus Christ,” I heard Darren choke out when I turned my back to them. “What did Dad do to him, Mam?”
Darren.
Fucking Darren.
“Shannon,” was all I managed to get out, as my head spun and my mind struggled to focus. It wasn’t too bad when I was lying down, but standing up made my head swim. “I need to see my sister.”
“Joey, you can’t leave.”
“Fuck you.”
“You have to be discharged by a doctor and you’re in no fit state to go anywhere.”
“I said fuck you.”
“Joey, please!”
“Where is my sister?” Mind reeling, I clumsily stepped into the legs of my jeans, and dragged them up my hips before snatching up the blood-stained hoodie. “Where’s Shannon?”
Fuck if I knew where my t-shirt was, and in this moment, I didn’t care.
The only thing I cared about was getting out of this place and far away from these people.
“You’re not leaving.” Two hands came down on my shoulders and I all but took leave of my senses. “Just lie down and rest, okay?”
“Get your fucking hands off me,” I snarled, stumbling away from the ghost of my past. “Don’t you ever put your hands on me again!”
“It’s me.” Holding his hands up in retreat, Darren watched me warily. “I would never hurt you, Joe. You know that.”
“I don’t know you,” I spat, ripping off the bandage from my eye that was preventing me from seeing clearly. From protecting myself. “I don’t know who the fuck you are anymore!”
“Joe.” Emotion filled his eyes. “I’m your brother.”
“You’re no brother of mine,” I sneered and then winced when pain rocketed through my eyes. Fuck, the lights hurt so damn bad. “So, keep your goddamn hands to yourself. Because I don’t care whose body you came out of, I will…” Staggering sideways, I gripped the wall for balance. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”
“What’s going on here?” the nurse who’d been looking after me all day asked, pushing the curtain open. “Joseph, sweetheart, you need to get back into bed.”
“No, you need to get whatever paperwork I need to sign, because I’m out of here,” I replied, leaning heavily against the wall, as I toed on my runners. “Fuck, where are my socks?”
“Joey, you can’t just leave!”
“I told you to fuck off!” Wincing in pain, I clutched my head and tried to stop my head from spinning. “I need to see my sister. Make sure she’s okay.”
“That’s not a good idea,“ the nurse said in a coaxing tone, moving to my side. “Why don’t we send your family home and sit down for a little chat? Just the two of us?”
“I’m leaving,” I bit out, shuddering in revulsion when her small hand cupped my elbow. “Do I need to sign a discharge form or something?”
“Why don’t we give your girlfriend a call?” she suggested, trying to steer me back to the bed. “Hm? What’s her name again?”
“Aoife.”
“That’s right. How about you get back into bed and I’ll go and call Aoife? She left her phone number back at the nurses station. You just rest up here and I’ll go and call her for you. Hm?”
“No, no, no,” I groaned, shaking my head when a wave of confusion hit me. “Don’t call her. She needs to rest. Just help me get out of here.”
“Joey, please just lie back down and rest.”
“How about we all give Joey some space,” I heard the nurse instruct. “Good lad yourself. Just hold onto my hand and you’re nice and safe.”
“Joey, baby, are you okay?”
“My eyes,” I groaned, blinking rapidly when my vision blurred in and out of focus. “There’s something wrong with my eyes.”
“You’re going to feel disorientated for a few days,” the nurse coaxed as she walked me back to my prison. “Which is why you need to rest up and let us take care of you, okay?”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“Out,” I heard the nurse command. “Now please.”
“Tell him that we’ll come back later.”
“Leave now, please. Or I will call security.”
“Fuck,” I groaned, feeling faint. “I don’t want to see them.”
“You don’t have to,” I heard the nurse say. “Now, I’ve spoken to the ward manager on floor 3, and there’s a bed after coming available upstairs for you. The porter will be around shortly to take you up.”
“I don’t want to go upstairs,” I croaked out, feeling myself sink down on the bed. “I want to go home.”
“Good lad,” she coaxed, fluffing the pillows at my back. “What have you done to your poor arm, hm?”
Groaning, I slapped a hand over my eyes and winced. “Fuck knows.”
“I’ll put a fresh line in for you.”
“I don’t want a line,” I mumbled, clenching my eyes shut when the room started spinning. “I just… I want something for the pain.”
“Okay, I’ll get you something for pain, Joseph,” I heard her reply. “Where is the pain worse? In your head?”
“No, it’s here,” I whispered, rubbing my chest. “Here’s the worst.”
“Your heart?”
I nodded stiffly.
“Okay, sweetheart,” the nurse replied softly. “Just close your eyes and get some rest. I’ll go and fetch you something for the pain.”
BACK TO HIM
AOIFE
“How are you feeling, love?” Mam asked when I stepped into the kitchen later that evening, fresh from a shower and feeling like something Spud shat out.
“Don’t ask,” I muttered, moving for the washing machine to deposit my towel. “I don’t think you’re going to be able to get the stains out of these,” I added, holding up my blood-stained jeans and hoodie. “Should I just chuck them?”
“Oh Jesus.” Setting the iron down, Mam covered her mouth with her hand, eyes filling with tears. “Yes, chuck them, love. I’ll take you shopping for some new ones next week.”
“I don’t want to go shopping, Mam,” I replied with a weary sigh as I dropped onto a chair at the kitchen table. “I just want the Gards to find that bastard, lock him up, and throw away the goddamn key.”
“How is young Joey?”
“Destroyed.” I couldn’t hide the pain in my voice. “He’s broken physically and mentally.”
“Oh, Aoife, love.”
“I will never get the image of them on that kitchen floor out of my head.”
“I can imagine.”
“No, Mam,” I said, shaking my head. “You can’t and be glad of it.”
“How are you feeling, Aoife?”
“Like my heart was beaten to a pulp and is lying on a trolley in A&E.”