Our kissing turns deep, hungry. I can’t get enough of his mouth. I have enough self-control to pull back long enough to shove his T-shirt over his head, and then I’m on him again. I bite his plump, pink lips, making them look swollen and wrecked. Marking them as mine. My tongue surges into the back of his mouth, and Beau’s fingers tighten in my hair, the arm around my back holding me closer as he wraps his legs around my waist and pins me to him.
“I need these off,” I growl into his mouth, and I yank at the waistband of his sweats. There are too many clothes between us.
“I’ll lose these if you lose your boxers.”
“Deal.”
I push onto my knees and shove my underwear down as Beau wriggles out of his remaining clothes. He flops back onto the bed, and I hungrily drink in his long, manly body, hairy thighs, and hard cock. He’s fucking beautiful.
I want to devour him.
But even as lust drunk as I am, there’s still that niggling voice in the back of my mind, warning me to be careful with him. “You sure this is okay?” I ask as I slide off his glasses and set them on my nightstand.
“Ask me that again and I’ll sac-whack you.”
I laugh despite myself, then lie over him again. We both let out a soft moan as skin meets skin. Beau’s eyes are sleepy, looking at me with that same hazy focus as last time. It drives me wild to see him like this. I shift so our cocks line up and give a roll of my hips.
“Holy shit that feels good.”
I lower my mouth to his neck and trail openmouthed kisses down to his shoulder, where I suck a mark into his skin.
“More,” Beau says.
“Yeah?”
“Cover me in them.”
I don’t question him, because his answer goes deeper than wanting to remember a hookup. And if I’m honest with myself, it does for me as well. With every mark I suck into his skin, each bruised circle I leave behind, I’m hit with a surge of satisfaction at making him mine … and also a twinge of regret that he’s not really.
Beau is … perfectly un-normal, which makes him fucking perfect to me. He deserves someone who can give him the world, and while my feelings are building to a point I can’t deny them anymore, I’m so worried I’m getting them confused with a rebound. Then we’ll hook up a few times, and that will be it for me.
I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life, but hurting Beau would be the biggest one.
Things are still too messy.
My emotions too fragile.
I want to be able to tell Beau I’m all in, but I’m not there yet, and I’m scared I never will be, no matter how bad I want it.
“Tell me what you want,” I murmur, licking his nipple.
“I want you to fuck me.”
“Oh, shit yes.” I crawl back up the bed to give him another long, filthy kiss. “Can I taste you first?”
He whimpers and nods fast, looking as desperate for it as I am.
I kneel up and grab his hip, rolling him onto his front. I haven’t had the chance to notice Beau’s ass, but I’m sure as hell noticing it now. It’s firm and round, a perfect bubble I want to sink my teeth into, so I lean down and do exactly that.
Beau hisses.
I bite him again.
Then suck a bruise there too, and then another. I leave a trail of them over his ass cheek until I reach his crease, then bury my face in his ass. Beau twitches, then immediately parts his legs and arches up toward me. It’s the sexiest fucking sight to see him offering himself like that, and I can’t hold back. I pull his cheeks apart, exposing his hole, and then close my mouth over it.
“Holy shit, Payne …” His words come out on a long whine, and it only spurs me on.
I give his hole all the attention I can manage, getting high off the feeling. My cock is begging me to get on with it, to sink inside him, but while I can’t wait to fuck him into the mattress, I’m also pretty goddamn eager to get him to make more of those needy sounds for me.
I lick and suck and nip at his flesh until he softens enough for me to work my tongue inside. I moan, fucking loving this. It’s been way too long since I’ve been so consumed by another person.
I should have known my marriage had issues well before I did. He never responded to me like this.
Beau reaches around to grasp my hair as he rocks his hips back. “I think … I think … I think …” His rough voice is high-pitched and needy. Desperate. I love that he can’t get his words out.
I withdraw my tongue and replace it with my finger instead. “Tell me.”
“I think you need to stop,” he begs.
“Why?” For a hot second, I’m worried I’ve gone too far when he replies.
“Because I’m so goddamn close, and I want you inside me when I come.” He scrambles away from me, yanks open my dresser, and tosses my lube back to me.
I snap it open and pour some over my fingers, filling his ass with two this time, and he continues to search. “Where are they?”
“What?”
“Your condoms.”
I freeze. “Fuck. I forgot about those. I don’t have any. Where are yours?”
Beau face-plants into the bed. “I think you’re underestimating how long it’s been since I had sex.”
Oh, fuck no. “Should … should one of us duck out, or …”
I go to remove my fingers when Beau makes a noise of protest and grabs my wrist.
“I … I used to be on PrEP. Back when I was hooking up a lot. I’ve had tests since, and they were all clear.”
Is he … does he mean … “Me too. Since I found out about … you know. I got tested. Twice. All negative.” Plus we hadn’t had sex for a while before it ended.
He peers back at me over his shoulder, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “I’m fine with it if you are.”
I press another finger in, and he gasps at the intrusion before pushing back to meet me.
“I’m ready.”
I grab the lube again and cover my cock as Beau repositions in the middle of the bed. I blanket his body, chest to his back, and press my nose into the hair behind his ear to greedily inhale his scent. “Any man you’ve ever dated would be lucky to be where I am.”
“I never wanted any of them. Not like this.”
I almost agree. Almost tell him that I’ve never had someone respond to my touch the way he does. I’ve never had another man driven completely crazy over being with me. There’s lust, and there are hookups with hot sex. Some of it is exaggerated, some of it isn’t. But as soon as it’s over, that neediness disappears.
It’s not like that with Beau.
Because the need isn’t all physical.
But I can’t lie and say it wasn’t like that with my ex, at least in the beginning. Though it’s been so long now, it’s hard to remember.
And right now, all I want to focus on is Beau.
I guide my cock toward his hole and slowly sink inside. He’s so tight my toes curl, and my teeth latch onto his ear. When I bottom out, I need to pause for a minute, otherwise things are going to be over before they get started. If I’m lucky, I’ll have a round two in me tonight, but since it’s not a guarantee, I’m going to make the most of this.