“This one’s my favorite,” Molloy said, turning up the volume on her stereo when The Pogues’ Fairytale of New York drifted from the speakers. “Hands down, the best Christmas song ever.” Popping a chip into her mouth, she grinned over at me. “What’s yours?”
“Don’t know.” Shrugging, I reached over and grabbed a chip. “Never really thought about it.”
“Ah, come on, Joe,” she pushed. “Everyone has a favorite Christmas song.”
Not me.
I preferred silence.
I shrugged. “This one, I suppose.”
“Good.” She nodded her approval. “It reminds me of you.”
“Wow,” I deadpanned. “Which part?”
“All of it,” she teased, tossing a chip at my face. “From now on, this will be our song.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Oh, yeah, because we really need a song.”
“Well, it is Christmas Eve, babe,” she joked, and then went right into a piss-poor rendition of the first verse of the song, before choking out a laugh. “See, it’s perfect for us.”
“There’s only one small problem with your song choice,” I offered dryly. “I’m not your babe, Molloy.”
“Whose fault is that?” she came right back with, not looking away, and not backing down. “Hmm. I wonder.”
Christ, she was just so ballsy.
It was seriously impressive.
And sexy as fuck.
I soaked her in, every freckle, every curve, the color of her green eyes, the pale golden streaks in her already blonde hair.
“Yeah, well.” Smirking, I shook my head and turned back to stare out the front windscreen. “If tonight’s little joyride is anything to go by, then you should be thanking me for that.”
“You would think so,” was all she replied, as she rummaged around in a stack of discs. “Okay, so, it’s clear that you’re not sold on the last song, so how’s this for hitting the nail on the head?” Molloy asked then, switching up CDs, and pressing track three on her stereo. The Goo Goo Dolls blasted from her stereo.
“Iris?” I cocked a brow. “Good song choice, Molloy, but I have to admit that I’m not feeling the festive vibe from it.”
“No, asshole, not as a Christmas song,” she urged, cranking up the volume. “As our song.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but she reached across the console and cover my lips with her hand. “Shh. Just humor me and listen, okay?”
Reluctantly conceding to her demands, I nodded once, and kept my eyes locked on hers as the lyrics of the song fucked with my head.
“Well?” she finally breathed, when the song ended. “It’s perfect, right?”
“Yeah, Molloy.” My voice was thick as I wrestled with a million complicated fucking emotions. “It is.”
I CARE TOO MUCH
DECEMBER 24TH 2003
AOIFE
If Joey wanted to sit in this parked-up car outside of the garage half the night, then I would gladly sit right there with him.
It didn’t matter that it was -2 degrees outside or that I was close to freezing in my work clothes. At least if he was in this car with me, it meant that he was out of trouble.
He wasn’t out getting high.
Time passed by much quicker when I was with him, and I didn’t notice the hours slipping away as I regaled him with random tales from my life.
You see, Kevin might be the twin that held the lion’s share of academic intelligence, but I was the one that could talk the ass off a donkey.
For real. I had been blessed with the ability to make a conversation out of nothing, which was how I had somehow managed to keep this wildly unattainable boy’s interest piqued for most of the night.
“And then he said ‘oh, baby, my bed smells like you, but it’s fading fast, come over and refresh my sheets,’” I explained, fake gagging at the memory of Paul’s ridiculous phone call the other night. “I mean, seriously?” I choked out a laugh, as I rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie that he’d given me to wear. “Get a handle on yourself, man.”
“Oh Jesus, the shame,” Joey groaned, covering his face with his hand. “I’m actually embarrassed for the prick.”
“I know right,” I agreed, waving a hand around. “That’s exactly how I felt.”
“What did you say back to that?”
I grinned deviously. “I told him to spray some perfume on his pillow, turn off the lights, and get reacquainted with his hand.”
Joey threw his head back and laughed. “Vicious.”
“Yeah, well, he earned it with that line,” I laughed. “I mean, come on! What did he think I was going to do? Run over to his house and rub myself all over his mattress like a tomcat scenting its territory? The deluded eejit.”
“Probably,” Joey offered, still chuckling. “In case it slipped your attention, he’s sort of obsessed with you.”
“No, Paul is obsessed with this,” I replied, gesturing to my body. “He has no interest in this.” I tapped a finger against my temple. “He doesn’t even know me, Joey. Not really. He’s never taken the time to. It’s all about appearances. Honestly, I doubt he would care if I never spoke a word, just so long as I smiled and looked pretty.”
“Then what are you doing, Molloy?” he came right out and asked, green eyes clear for a change, and locked on my face. “Do you love him?”
“I have love for him.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I knew that. “What do you want me to say, Joe?”
“Make it make sense to me.”
“Make what make sense?”
“You and him.”
“Oh god.” I laughed. “How long do you have?”
“All night.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, I thought about it for a while, trying to find a diplomatic way of saying ‘because if I have any chance of getting over you, I need to be with a boy who’s the complete opposite’ before settling on, “I guess, I’ve always known where I stand with Paul.” Something I’ve never known with you.
“Where you stand?”
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know it’s not perfect. It’s really, really far from perfect, but at least I’m navigating our relationship with a clear head and my eyes open.” And most importantly, I can’t get hurt. “I know his game, and he’s not going to be able to pull the wool over my eyes.”
“That sounds miserable.”
“It’s safe.” Safer than you.
“So, he’s your shield.”
“My shield?”
“From getting fucked over.” Joey’s brows furrowed. “Why keep it going this long?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, feeling at a loss. “Probably because it’s all I’ve known since first year. Being with Paul is comfortable. There’s no work to it, and besides, he wants to be with me.” And you don’t.
Joey stared at me for the longest time before shaking his head. “It won’t last with him.”
“No?” Oh god, I hope not. “You don’t think?”