I feel so guilty at this moment. For causing any hurt to him, even if I wasn’t aware or didn’t know who he was. I never realized that my headlines could actually be causing him this internal… turmoil or causing more heartache in his life.
“Sorry to drop that on you, but I just wanted to get it out the way and let you know that I’ll be here for you and Olive, no matter what. You’re my first priority.”
I nod, unsure of what else to say. The last thing I should do is bring up who I am, not when he just completely opened up about what he’s gone through, with and because of, the media. What good would that do anyone?
It’s not as if we’re going to be together romantically, no. We just made the decision to strictly co-parent Olive, and all me telling him will do is to open up old wounds and hurt him, and I don’t want to do that. I never wanted to do that.
Telling him will accomplish nothing but rocking an already unstable boat.
* * *
“I’m so sorry, I’m barely holding my eyes open,” I say, trying to shift the conversation because it feels too heavy, and right now, I’m so exhausted and unsure of how to move forward. Birth itself is exhausting, but in the past few days, I’ve barely slept because I couldn’t take my eyes off of Olive. Even now, I’m watching her sleep with the baby monitor, and already ready to get up to check on her. We’re only a wall away but being away from her is hard.
“I can head out, let you guys get some rest?”
I nod. “You could come back tomorrow? You know, if you want…？” I trail off.
“I’ll be here. What if I bring you breakfast? I have a few errands I want to run in the morning, but I can be here around ten?”
“That sounds good. Do you have your phone?”
He nods, then reaches into the front pocket of his jeans and pulls it out, handing it over.
I quickly input my number, saving it under Maddison, then hand it back to him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
We both rise from the couch, standing awkwardly for a moment before he reaches forward and gently pulls me into his arms. His strong arms circle my body, and for a moment, I breathe in the earthy, clean scent that I remember so well from the weekend we spent together, before I pull back and clear my throat.
“Goodnight, Maddison. Give Olive a kiss for me?”
He strides toward the front door, then walks out and leaves me alone in my living room. I have a feeling that co-parenting with Briggs Wilson will be more difficult than I thought, and it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with those feelings that never went away after the weekend we spent together.
Fourteen
I hated walking out that door. Leaving Olive. And Maddison.
I could chalk it up to the fact that she’s an incredible mother, and spent nine months carrying my child, but I refuse to lie to myself. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since that incredible, life-changing weekend we spent together at the inn, and now… we have a child together.
It’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around. Seeing her again stirred up all of the old feelings inside of me that I’d been trying to forget about since the night she left. One second, she was in my arms, and I was happier than I had been in months, and then when I woke up… she was nowhere to be found, leaving only a note behind that fucking gutted me.
I couldn’t even focus on the pent-up feelings for Maddison, not when the first thing she hit me with was the importance of co-parenting Olive. I wish I could turn off what I feel for her. It would make my life a helluva lot easier, if shit worked that way, but it doesn’t.
And I know she’s right. Our child comes first, and I would put her first. I’d put both of them first. Before anything else in my life, and starting today… I’m going to show her that. Part of me still wonders why it is that she left that night, why she didn’t stick around, but now… with her wanting to focus on Olive, I feel like asking would just bring up old memories that she doesn’t want to revisit.
Not with the fact that we’re strictly going to co-parent, and nothing else.
The moment Olive took her first breath, it changed something inside me. A protective, nurturing part of me that I’d never experienced until I heard her tiny, piercing wail.
Now, my life has changed, and it’s all because of my girl.
Putting my truck in reverse, I pull out of the tiny parking spot at Maddison’s and ease my truck back onto the highway. The entire drive back to my house, I’m going through the motions. I can’t stop thinking about Olive, or her mama.
That fucking apartment. No deadbolt on the door. The damn ceiling might actually cave the fuck in.
How am I supposed to take care of her without being there? Knowing that I’m leaving them there with everything falling apart, and suspect shit growing on the ceiling.
Does she even have all the baby shit she needs? Thoughts flit through my head a mile a minute, and I swear I can’t even fucking think straight. I squeeze my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of my nose with one hand as the other clutches the wheel tightly.
The second I pull into my driveway and throw my truck into park; I pull my phone out and Google baby necessities. Thirty minutes later, my truck’s still running, and I’m more lost than ever. I need to head to the nearest baby superstore. Pronto.
After typing a quick text to Reed, I dial Graham and wait for him to pick up, tapping my finger nervously against the steering wheel. I can’t seem to calm my nerves; I feel like I'm climbing up an endless wall that I can’t seem to reach the top.
“Yo,” he answers after the third ring. I can hear the sound of a game in the background, and Asher cursing. They’re probably playing Xbox since they have nothing better to do on a Wednesday night.
“I need you. Both of you. Asap.”
Graham shushes Asher, then puts the tv on mute before speaking, “What are we doing? How’s Olive-you?”
My brow furrows. “Are you giving my kid a nickname at 3 days old, rookie?”
“Fuck yeah, get it ILOVEYOU, olive-you? Never mind. What’s going on?”
“I need you two to come to the baby store with me and pick out… I don’t know, baby shit. Lots of it.”
Graham laughs, and Asher mutters in the background.
“Wait, why is that funny?”
“Dude, you’re asking the two of us for baby help. The only thing I know about babies is the shit I see on tv. Aka fiction. Where’s Reed?”
“He’s meeting us there. Look, I need help. Can you meet me there in twenty? I’m about to leave my house. I can’t show back up empty-handed.”
Graham sighs. “The shit I do for love. See you soon Daddi-o.”
The line goes dead, and I pull back out of my driveway. I’ve got to make sure when I show back up at Maddison’s, I’m prepared.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m pulling into the parking lot of Chicago’s biggest baby store. The website says it has everything a baby could ever need, which coincidentally is exactly what I need.
I park in the back and walk to the front of the store, where Reed’s leaning against the front pillar, smirking.
“Never thought I’d see this day, if I’m being honest.”