Someone Else’s Life
Lyn Liao Butler
1
Laptop ANNIE file
My life has been a nightmare for years, with one bad thing happening after another. And I’ve let it happen, struggling to keep my head up. But I’m finally ready to take back control of my real life. In case something happens to me, I’m documenting it all here for you, so that you understand why I’m doing this when you find it.
This is for my son, to make sure he’s taken care of and finally living the life he was born to. I’m his mother. I feel in my soul that what I’ve planned is the best thing for him. I know some people will think I’m wrong, but I know I’ll convince you that I’m right. My son deserves to know my love, to know me. I don’t want him to be afraid of me. I want him to trust me, so that he realizes who his mommy is. That I love him so much. I really do.
But the darkness still pulls at me, trying to drown me. I have to stay alive, not give in to it. Stay strong and focused so that everything goes as planned. Because it’s finally time that something good happens to me and to him. It’s our turn.
I thought everything would fall into place once I got to Kauai but it hasn’t. Bad things are still trying to drag me down but I’m not going to let them anymore. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I know you are the key. You are the one who can give me what I need. For the first time in years, I have a clear goal and I will fight with all my might to reach that goal. It’s what any good mother would do for her son.
2
The moment Annie Lin opened the door of the Ohana, she wanted to slam it shut again. Their neighbor Kalani Pang waved at her from across the street with as much enthusiasm as a teenage cheerleader.
“Annie! Aloha!” Kalani’s booming voice wafted across the warm air toward Annie, along with the fragrance of the plumeria flowers that dotted Annie’s father’s property. He’d been letting Annie and her family stay in the guest cottage behind the main house since they’d moved to Kauai from New York after the new year.
Annie closed her eyes briefly, taking a breath to brace herself. It wasn’t even ten in the morning yet, and she was still groggy from a restless night. She opened her eyes and turned to run back inside （manners be damned）， only to slam into her son and husband on their way out.
“Mommy, what’re you doing?” Finn asked, squinting up at her in the bright sunlight. He hugged his bear, Hot Chocolate, close to him. He never went anywhere without it, not since that August day almost six months ago.
Annie didn’t answer and glanced over her shoulder. She stifled a groan when she saw Kalani crossing the street toward them. Their neighbor’s chipper energy was soul-sucking, and Annie’s soul was already as hollow as a GI tract after a colonoscopy. （Thank goodness she still had a few years at forty-two for one of those.） Add a hangover and she’d much rather have opened the door to find a serial killer, to be honest.
“You want to go grab a coffee?” Kalani asked when she’d made it to their side. She pouted her full lips into a smile. “You’ve been living here for over a month and we still haven’t gotten together.” The sunlight bounced off Kalani’s shiny black hair so that the waves flowing to her low back rippled like lava down an active volcano.
“I can’t. I’m on my way to volunteer at the shelter.” Glad for a legitimate excuse, Annie raised her hands to her own dull black hair, which she’d wound up into a messy bun.
“Your wife’s too busy for me,” Kalani said to Brody, who was watching their exchange with an amused smile.
“Oh, I’m . . .” Annie started to say but stopped when Kalani burst into laughter.
“I’m just kidding.” Kalani’s hair swayed as she laughed. “But seriously, we need to get together soon. Our kids might get married one day.” She beamed at Finn. “Want to come over when Leila gets home from preschool?”
Finn had gone over to play with Kalani’s three-year-old daughter a few times without Annie. In another life, she would have enjoyed getting to know Kalani while their kids played. But now there was no way she could handle the social niceties needed to engage with the woman during a playdate. She would rather go an entire year without alcohol. Wait, no, she wouldn’t. She’d need the wine.
“Can’t,” Finn said. “Daddy’s taking me to . . .” He broke off and glanced at Brody, his forehead creased and bottom lip caught between his teeth. He carried too much burden for a little boy who had just turned four. Annie’s heart broke a little and she reached out, but Brody had already laid a hand on Finn’s shoulder and drawn him close.
The smile that Kalani flashed at them was as bright as the yellow hibiscus and colorful bird-of-paradise flowers that lined the walkway from the lanai to the driveway. “Okay, well, then have a great day, all of you.” She pointed at Annie, who froze. “And we’ll catch up soon. You can’t avoid me forever.”
With another tinkling laugh, she turned and practically glided down the driveway. Annie watched Kalani cross the street to her house hidden behind a line of swaying palm trees. “Busted,” she muttered under her breath.
Brody chuckled as Finn wandered away, talking to his bear. “You still haven’t gotten together with her?” He gave Annie a questioning look as he locked the door of the Ohana.
“She’s one of those enthusiastic types. Way too cheerful.” Annie looked away, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes.
Brody heaved a sigh and turned to her. “You don’t like her just ’cause she’s cheerful?” He crossed his arms over his broad chest, causing her eyes to focus on his sternum. It had once been her favorite place to lay her head. When was the last time she’d done that?
“We have nothing in common.” Annie gave a shrug and looked down, noticing a small box sitting by the front door. Where had that come from? She didn’t remember seeing it before.
“You did once.” Brody’s voice softened. “You used to be like her. Friendly and . . .”
Annie wrinkled her nose when he trailed off. “And now I’m just a grumpy old potato? I think I’m a fucking blast of sunshine, thank you very much.”
Brody’s mouth twitched, and then he gave in and laughed, reaching out to draw her into a hug. “You sure are my fucking blast of sunshine.” He leaned down to kiss her on the top of her head, and Annie relaxed into him.
She’d missed this. The closeness they’d once had, when she couldn’t wait to hug and kiss him. She’d destroyed all that the past few years with her grumpiness and sour moods. She needed to try harder with both Brody and Finn. Moving to paradise was supposed to be a new beginning, their chance to make things better again. Kauai had always made her heart happy in the past, and she was determined to absorb the Aloha spirit, even if it killed her.
“It’d be nice for you to make some friends here. Maybe even get a job.” Brody’s voice rumbled in his chest, and Annie pulled away.
“Who’d have me? I’m a failure. A washed-up ex-dancer who lost her company and studio.” She turned and focused her eyes on Finn, who was walking around the backyard.