My mom inhales a struggled breath.
This last week, we抳e known this time was coming, and I feel it now.
I had dozed off asleep, but I woke up梥ensing the time is imminent, probably within the next hour. Nudging Georgia awake, we climb awkwardly into the hospital bed on either side of her. I rest one of my feet on the floor. I want to be close to my mom, for her to know she抯 not alone.
Her eyes crack open the tiniest bit. 揌ey, Mom,?Georgia sniffles.
揗-y my girls,?she says groggily, the two words so quiet they抮e barely audible.
揥e抮e here.?I take one of her hands, her skin paper thin. Georgia takes the other. 揥e抮e not going anywhere.?
揕-Love you b-both.?
揥e love you too.?Tears stream down my face.
揇-Don抰 be m-mad at the world g-girls.?Her chest inflates with a breath, making her cough. 揃e h-happy b-because I l-lived.?
Georgia and I hold onto her tiny frail form, both of us crying, and less than twenty minutes later, the alarms on her monitors that she抯 been wearing the past few weeks sound, alerting us to the fact that she抯 really and truly gone.
揃ye, Mom,?I sob brokenly. 揑抣l miss you every day.?
揕ove you,?Georgia cries. 揑 hope you抮e not hurting anymore, Mom.?
Our mom suffered so much in her life, a life that was much too short, and all we can do is hope that there really is a better place out there, because if there抯 anyone who deserves it, it抯 her.
CHAPTER 31
THAYER
The sound of sirens wakes me up from a dream, returning me to a nightmare. Every time I hear them now, I抦 transported back to that dreadful day with Forrest. My stomach rolls as I get up from bed. Stumbling into the bathroom, I relieve myself and realize I still hear the sirens and they抮e loud.
Salem.
I yank on a pair of shorts, shoving my feet into a pair of shoes as I rush down the stairs. I don抰 even bother grabbing a shirt.
Rushing out the door, I see the ambulance is next door at her house.
I don抰 think, I just run over.
And there she is, standing on the driveway in her pajamas with her sister. They cry holding onto each other like if they let go one or both of them will completely crumble.
揃aby,?I whisper, and somehow Salem hears me.
She opens her tear-streaked eyes, and I see the instant relief when she realizes it抯 me.
While she holds her sister, I hold her. She needs my support right now and I抦 more than happy to give it. I抎 give this woman anything.
Her body sinks against mine, inhaling audibly like she can breathe for the first time.
揑抳e got you,?I murmur, kissing the top of her head. 揑抳e always got you.?
They roll her mother抯 body out of the house, loading it into the back of the ambulance.
揝he抯 gone,?Georgia cries loudly. 揝he抯 really gone.?
揑t was time.?
揝he didn抰 get to meet the new baby.?
揑 know. I抦 sorry. I know you wanted that.?
Salem抯 the youngest, but here she is comforting her older sister. Salem抯 always been that person though梡utting everyone else above herself. But she has me now. I抣l be her rock, her support when she needs it. With me, she doesn抰 have to be the strongest person. I抣l help her weather any storm.
The ambulance leaves, the street getting eerily quiet once more and very dark. Across the street, my two favorite nosy neighbors, Thelma and Cynthia, stand on their porch watching. Thelma throws her hand up in a wave before the two of them scuttle back into their house.
揑 need to take Georgia home,?Salem whispers up to me.
揑抣l take her.?
揘o.?She shakes her head. 揑 need to do this.?
揂re you sure? I can drive you both.?
She hesitates, struggling to let me help, but finally she nods. 揙kay.?
揕et me grab my keys?
I run back over to my house, swiping my truck keys. Salem sits in the back with a crying Georgia while quietly giving me directions to her sister抯 house. I park out front and hop out to open the door. Salem gets out with her sister, walking her up to the door and unlocking it. I stand outside by my truck, waiting. She抯 in there for about fifteen minutes before she comes out. Her blonde hair hangs in her eyes, her shoulders hunched with exhaustion. I want to take her in my arms and hold her. I want to make this all go away.
And I realize, with stunning clarity, that when Forrest died that抯 all she wanted to do for me and I wouldn抰 let her.
I was such a fucking asshole.
I know I was grieving. I know I was in the darkest place imaginable. But I still think I should抳e been more understanding that she was only trying to help me because she loved me. You don抰 go out of your way for people who you don抰 really care about.
I meet her halfway on the driveway, wrapping my arms around her. She抯 nearly swallowed whole in my arms, but she doesn抰 seem to mind. I still didn抰 put a shirt on when I went back for my keys, I was in too much of a hurry, and her warm tears coat my bare skin.
揇on抰 worry, Sunshine,?I cup the back of her head, 揑抳e got you.?
Her fingers grapple against my sides like she抯 having trouble holding on, but I know it抯 not that, it抯 just that her hands are shaking too much.
揝he抯 gone,?she hiccups. 揝he抯 really gone. I know it抯 for the best. She抯 not in pain anymore, but I just want my mom.?
揝hh,?I croon, resting my chin on top of her head. 揑t抯 okay.?
揥hy do the people we love have to leave us??She forces my head back, looking up at me with a tear-streaked face.
Wiping away her tears with my thumbs, I say, 揑 don抰 have an answer for that. I抳e searched for one for years and come up empty.?
Eventually I get her in my truck and drive her home梐nd by home I mean to my house.
She抯 fallen asleep on the drive, so I ease her from the truck, into my arms. Carrying her inside and all the way up to my bedroom, I lay her beneath the sheets and cover her up. Her breaths are even, her face still red and splotchy from crying.
She抯 beautiful, though. She always is. Staring down at her, it feels like every beat of my heart is saying mine.
I get into bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her and holding her to my chest.
Kissing the skin of her neck, I murmur, 揑 love you.?
I swear, even in her sleep, she smiles at those three words.
I hear her before I see her. Her feet quietly tiptoe down the stairs. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I sip at my morning cup of coffee. I smile against the rim when she pops around the corner. Her hair is messy from sleep, her shirt rumpled梑ut I fucking love seeing her like this, just out of bed, in my house.
揌i,?she says quietly. 揧ou got anymore of that??She points to the mug in my hand.
揝ure thing. Sit down.?
While she sits I pour a cup, adding her specified amount of cream and sugar. Sliding the mug across to her, I ask, 揅an I make you anything for breakfast??
She frowns, wiggling her nose. I itch to reach out and run my finger along the freckles dotting the bridge of her nose. 揑 don抰 think I can eat.?
揑 understand.?
揇o you want to talk about it??
揘o.?She shakes her head. 揧es. I don抰 know.?She takes a sip of coffee, wrapping her fingers around the warm cup. 揑s it okay if I stay here? I don抰 think ?I抦 not ready to go back to the house yet.?
揧ou can stay here as long as you need.?Stay forever. I don抰 say that though. 揥ant me to grab some things for you??
She bites her lip, looking unsure. She looks up at me from beneath her lashes, her green eyes hesitant. 揧ou don抰 mind??
揘ope.?
揟hat would be great. All of my stuff is upstairs in my old room and the bathroom.?She runs her fingers through her hair, trying to straighten the messy strands. She sighs in frustration when she decides it抯 a futile effort. 揑 knew this was coming. We抳e known it for months, and this last week it was obvious her body couldn抰 fight anymore and yet ?it feels so sudden.?She shakes her head. 揟hat sounds so stupid.?