Thayer and I take a seat. I blow out a breath, grateful so many people turned out for my mom, but at the same time I抦 hoping I don抰 have to talk to them. I can抰 put on a smile right now and make small talk. I think it抯 wrong for people to expect that of those who are grieving. This is all so hard.
Thayer squeezes my hand again, reminding me he抯 here.
I love this man so much. And I know, even with the horrible tragedies we抳e gone through, I抎 live it all again and again if it meant it led me to him.
When Caleb and Seda finally arrive, she cries out a loud, 揗ommy!?when she sees me, diving into my arms.
揗y girl.?I hold her tight. She抯 getting so big. Soon the days of her saying mommy and letting me hold her like this will pass, becoming nothing but a memory.
She takes a seat between me and Caleb, with Thayer on my other side.
When the service begins, it feels like I抦 not even in my body. I抳e checked out. It抯 the only way I can deal with this.
And Thayer had to do this for his child. His son.
I hold Seda抯 hand a little tighter.
A basic speech is given by some man, I can抰 even remember who he is, maybe a preacher, or maybe he works at the funeral home, but then Georgia gets up to speak. I didn抰 even know she was going to say anything.
She clears her throat, angling the microphone to her mouth. She shuffles some index cards, nodding like she抯 giving a mental pep talk to herself.
揗y mom was a wonderful, tough woman. She endured things no person should ever have to. As did my sister and I.?She taps the cards against the podium. 揥hen my father died, she moved us to this town to get away from it all. A fresh start. She抎 always dreamed of having something of her own and so she opened her shop. A Checkered Past Antiques was her special place, her calm against the storm. The name of her shop was a reflection of herself, just like many of the things she carried to sell. All beautiful and unique in their own away, a little battered and scarred, but still worthy of love.?She sniffles, wiping beneath her nose. 揗y mom deserved the world, but the universe is rarely fair. When she got cancer the first time it was hard enough, but the second time around? She抎 done everything right, so why was it back??Georgia sighs, shaking her head. 揈ven when you do everything right, it can still go incredibly wrong. My mom抯 time came all too soon, and even if her past was speckled in darkness, she made the most of things when she got out. She loved us, my sister and me, with every beat of her heart, right until the end. She made us cupcakes, and braided our hair. She tucked us into bed at night with kisses on our foreheads. There was ?was a monster who haunted the three of us.?She wipes at tears wetting her cheeks. 揝he thought she failed us. Thought she wasn抰 good enough. But she tried. She tried so many times to protect us, to get us away, and she couldn抰。 She was trapped in a marriage to a monster. Many of you don抰 know that, but now you do. Now you know that Allison Matthews was a victim of domestic violence, of marital rape, and so much more. But that抯 not who she was. She was light. She was happiness. She was love. She was a store owner. A baker. A grandma. Our mother. She might be gone, but she lives on in every beat of our hearts and those of our children.?She pauses, taking a breath to gather herself. 揟hank you.?
She returns to her seat, and Michael pulls her into his arms, kissing her forehead.
I know I should probably get up and say something, but I can抰。
Besides, Georgia said it all anyway.
The service comes to an end, and Thayer drives Caleb, Seda, and me to the cemetery for the graveside portion of the service. I feel emotionally drained and exhausted, but I know I have to make it through this part as well. Then I can crash.
At the grave side, it抯 only Georgia抯 family, Caleb, Seda, Thayer, and me. It seems like such a small amount of people, but I know my mom would only want us here.
Seda stands with her cousins, happy to see them.
揂re you okay??Thayer whispers in my ear, his lips brushing my sensitive skin.
I force a smile. It抯 on the tip of my tongue to lie, but I don抰 want to lie to him anymore. 揘o.?He wraps his arms tighter around me. His gaze drifts in the direction of Forrest抯 grave. 揧ou don抰 have to stay.?I know how hard this must be. I抦 not expecting him to stay glued to my side if this is too much.
He shakes his head. 揑抦 not leaving you.?Warm brown eyes meet mine and I instantly feel comforted. 揥herever you are is where I belong.?
Luckily the graveside service is short and sweet, and we all start to head back to where we parked our cars.
Seda tugs on Caleb抯 hand. 揗y brother is over there.?She points in the approximate location of Forrest抯 grave. To me she says, 揇on抰 worry mom, he抣l look after grandma.?
I pull my black skirt up slightly so I can crouch down to her level. I stroke her soft cheek. 揧ou think so??
揗hmm. They抮e family.?She looks at me, then Caleb, and lastly Thayer. 揥e抮e all family.?
揧eah, we are.?Caleb scoops her up, her arms going around his neck.
It抯 unconventional, the three of us raising Seda, but we are a family and we抮e going to do the best we can.
CHAPTER 33
THAYER
Caleb heads back to Boston, leaving Seda behind since she抯 out of school now and she wanted to stay with her mother. I could tell it bothered him leaving her, but he didn抰 fight it since it抯 what Seda wanted.
The three of us are on the couch in my living room, watching some PIXAR movie Seda loves. She rests her head on Salem抯 leg, her body draped in a blanket, snoozing away. But neither of us makes a move to change the movie or turn the TV off all together.
揑 was thinking,?I start, and Salem turns her eyes up to me. She looks exhausted, her eyes red from crying off and on today. 揇o you think ?I mean, would it be okay if I turned a room upstairs into a bedroom for Seda??
She smiles slowly, stretching slightly. I抦 sure she抯 stiff from not being able to move with Seda sleeping on her leg, but she never complains. 揑 think that抯 a great idea.?
揧ou do??
揧ou look so worried.?She pokes my cheek. 揇on抰 be. She should have a room here.?
揑 don抰 want her to feel obligated to stay here if you抮e not here, but I抎 like for her to have a space that抯 her own.?
揟rust me, Seda doesn抰 do anything she doesn抰 want to do.?
揥e can go furniture shopping tomorrow. I抣l get whatever she wants.?
Salem laughs lightly. 揧ou抮e such a pushover.?
Her phone vibrates on the coffee table. I lean over and grab it, handing it to her.
Her brows furrow at the screen. 揥ha-??
揥hat is it??I ask.
揑t抯 Lauren. She said she had something delivered and I need to grab it right now.?
揥hat do you think it is??
揑 have no idea, but I better go see.?
揕et me go.?
揘o.?She shakes her head. 揑t抯 fine.?
Somehow, she manages to get up without disturbing Seda. She heads quietly to the front door and opens it, looking around. I get up too, joining her. I put my hand on the back of her neck, massaging my thumb into the skin there.
揝he probably meant your mom抯 house, love.?
揙h,?she blushes, 搑ight, of course.?
Barefooted, she scurries off my front porch and runs next door. A moment later I hear a shrill, high-pitched scream. I look back at my house for one second and close the door before I take off in a run.
Is she being attacked? What抯 happening?
I get my answer seconds later when I run onto the driveway and find Lauren and Salem jumping up and down hugging each other.