揌ow do you feel??Thayer asks me, picking up the last of the donate boxes to load in his truck to drop off. We figured it would be easier to take the smaller items as we go and then when it抯 all finished, we抣l rent a truck to pack up the home抯 bigger items to get rid of.
揑 think we made good progress, but I抦 also worried about how long this will take. We spent hours on one room.?
揑 don抰 mean about this.?He looks around the room. 揑 mean about you. I know this isn抰 easy.?
I pull out the kitchen chair and sit down. 揈xhausted. Both emotionally and physically. But strangely ?happy.?I shake my head. 揟hat sounds so strange but it抯 true. So many of these items hold memories and it抯 like I get to relive them all over again.?I pick up the wooden spoon I抦 keeping. 揕ike this.?Tears pool in my eyes. 揑t抯 just a wooden stirring spoon to you, but I remember stirring up cupcakes with my mom when I was little and sneaking licks of the batter when she wasn抰 looking. I think she knew anyway.?I set the spoon back down. 揑t抯 nice, remembering the things I forgot.?
Thayer sets the box back down, joining me at the table. 揑t doesn抰 sound strange. I felt the same way packing up Forrest抯 room. It was the hardest decision I抳e ever had to make, but I knew for my mental health I needed to change the space. As I packed up his clothes, toys, I remembered so many good things I抎 forgotten because that one day put a dark cloud over my memories.?He clears his throat, getting choked up. 揕osing him was ?the worst fucking day of my life. But every day he was alive was also the best day and I realized then I was letting one day overshadow all the others. Remembering didn抰 feel so painful anymore after that.?He shrugs. 揝o, yeah, I get it.?
揋rief is weird.?
He gives a soft laugh. 揧eah, it is.?
揇o you ever wonder厰 I pause, biting my lip梪nsure if I should say it or not, but I decide to just go for it. 揇o you ever wonder what would have happened if厰
揑f Forrest hadn抰 died? If we抎 told your mom??
揧eah.?I look down at the table, not wanting to meet his eyes. 揑 know it抯 stupid, to waste time wondering when there抯 nothing you can do to change the outcome but厰
揑 used to,?he says softly. 揂ll the time. But I stopped doing that a long time ago, because it was driving me insane. I抎 like to think that if things had gone according to plan that your mom would抳e understood, but she also might抳e been pissed. I mean, she already knew, but making it official is different.?He sighs warily, sinking further into the chair. 揂nd then maybe we would抳e dated a few more years. And I would抳e gotten down on one knee, proposed, and we would抳e gotten married with Forrest as my best man. But there抯 also the chance that because of how young you were that the pressure would抳e been too much. Society looks much differently on the ages we are now, than what we were.?He flicks a finger between us. 揟hat might抳e torn us apart. We don抰 know.?
揧ou抮e right.?I look around the kitchen, the walls now bare, the drawers empty, cabinets and countertops completely wiped down. 揑 guess this just has me dwelling more than usual.?
He reaches across the table, squeezing my hand. 揅ome on,?he stands, still holding onto my hand and using it to tug me up with him. 揕et抯 go drop this off and grab something to eat. I think we deserve it.?
My stomach rumbles in answer. 揋ood idea.?
CHAPTER 39
SALEM
We work on clearing out the house as much as possible. With Thayer working, he抯 not around to help during the weekdays so I do what I can that doesn抰 involve heavy lifting. After that first day it抯 gotten easier. I think I抳e managed to put blinders on and not think too much about it, which has helped. Plus, I know this needs to be done. We can抰 just leave the house sitting here. Sometimes, you have to set your grief aside and take care of what has to be done.
I抦 elbow deep in dust, cleaning out a storage closet when my phone rings. I can抰 grab it right now, so I let it go to voicemail.
It rings again right away.
揌uh.?I set down my cleaning supplies and get up off the floor, my body groaning in protest since I抳e been in a hunched position for too long. I knew I should抳e gotten up and taken a break, but I didn抰 bother.
I don抰 make it to my phone in time before it stops, but it starts up yet again just in time for me to find it under a pile of trash bags. Lovely.
Georgia抯 name lights up the phone.
揌ello??
揑抦 in labor,?are the first words out of her mouth, 揑 know we didn抰 talk about this, but mom was with me both other times and I want you to be there this time. Are you okay with that??
My heart warms that she wants me there, that she trusts and loves me enough to be there when she brings her third child into the world.
揧eah, of course. Are you at the hospital??I start gathering up my stuff and trying to leave things in some sort of order, but quickly realize that抯 a futile effort since everything is a mess.
揥e抮e dropping the boys off with Michael抯 parents and driving straight there. Oh, fuck,?she curses. 揟his hurts. I don抰 remember it hurting this bad before. Was it always like this??
Michael answers her and I hear his reply of, 揧eah, and you just always forget,?through the speaker phone.
揑抣l be right behind you guys.?
揟hank you.?I can hear the tears in her voice. 揑 just don抰 want to be alone.?
揥hat am I? Chopped liver??Michael asks.
揧ou know what I mean,?she argues, and they launch into a back and forth.
揂ll right, I抦 going to hang up now so I can finish up and head to the hospital.?
揙kay,?my sister replies. 揑 love you.?
揕ove you, too.?
I turn the lights off, set out the garbage, and run over to Thayer抯 to have a quick shower since I抦 covered in dust and change my clothes.
When I get into my car to head to the hospital, I shoot him a quick text to let him know what抯 going on and that I won抰 be home.
He texts right back as I抦 backing out of the driveway.
Thayer: I抣l head to the hospital when I抦 done with work.
The local hospital isn抰 far, only twenty minutes away, so I call Michael through my car抯 Bluetooth speaker.
揌ey, I抦 on my way. How is she??
揢h ?for the moment, calm. But as soon as she has another contraction, she抣l be demanding that I get a vasectomy. As soon as that has passed, she抣l threaten me that I better not because she wants one or two more. Honestly, Salem, if she keeps this up my balls are going to shrivel up and die.?
I can抰 help but laugh. The poor guy. 揝ounds like my sister. Let her know I抦 on my way and I棓
I don抰 finish my sentence, because in that exact moment someone runs a red light, and the sound of screeching metal fills my ears. My head slams against the window, the airbag exploding, and then there抯 only blackness.
CHAPTER 40
THAYER
Saying goodbye to my crew, I hop in my truck to head home. I抣l take a shower and grab a bite to eat before going to the hospital.
I抦 halfway home when my phone rings and it抯 Georgia抯 name on the screen.
揌ello??I answer skeptically, wondering why Salem抯 sister would be calling me. Maybe Salem抯 phone died, though, and she抯 wondering where I抦 at.
揟hayer,?Georgia says my name in a rush of relief. 揙h, ow! Son of a bitch! Fuck, I better not say that, because that makes me the ah!?She screams in my ear. 揗ichael, take the phone.?
A moment later, her husband comes on the line. 揢h, hey, man.?
揥hat抯 going on? Is something wrong with Salem抯 phone??