Marry me?
My eyes dart back up to his. 揥hat??
He shoves the blanket off his lap, kneeling on the rug in front of me. He takes my hands in his eyes.
揑 wasn抰 going to do ask you like this, but sitting here with you, with her,?he glances over at Seda抯 sleeping form, 揑 thought what am I waiting for? You already know how I feel about you and I know you love me. We want to keep building our family and our life together and so why not do that as husband and wife??
There抯 nothing else for me to say but, 揧es.?
He smiles, taking my cheeks in his hands he kisses me deeply. 揥ait here.?He gets up from his kneeling position on the floor, and heads upstairs. He comes back a minute or so later and opens a ring box. I can抰 help but gasp. The ring is emerald cut, with a thick silver band, and a pale pink diamond. It抯 unique and yet simple梩he most beautiful ring I抳e ever seen. He slips it onto my ring finger and it抯 a perfect fit. 揑 saw this ring a few weeks ago and I had to buy it. I knew it was perfect for you.?
揑 love it. I love you.?
He kisses me again, and Seda chooses that moment to wake up. 揥hy are you guys kissing? We抮e supposed to be watching the movie.?
Thayer chuckles and I shake my head, beyond amused that she抯 oblivious to the fact that she抯 been sleeping.
揑 asked your mom to marry me. Is that okay with you??
She lights up, sitting up fully. Winnie gives a little whine at the change in position. 揇oes that mean I get to be a flower girl??
Thayer and I exchange a look, both trying to hide our amusement. 揧es,?we say in unison.
揟hen it抯 definitely okay with me.?
CHAPTER 44
SALEM
My toiletry bag sits half-packed on the edge of the bathroom sink. I stare at the handful of tampons sitting in the bottom of it from the last time I took a trip. I start counting up the days, realizing I抦 almost a week late.
I抦 supposed to be leaving for Las Vegas in only a few hours, but now?
揟hayer??I call out from the bathroom. He抯 in the bedroom, getting ready for work, so he pokes his head in right away.
揧eah??
揑抦 late.?
He looks at his watch. 揥hat? No, you抮e not. Your flight is still hours away.?
揘o, babe. My period. It抯 late.?
揙h fuck.?His eyes widen. 揧ou ?you抮e pregnant??
I bite my lip, my hands unconsciously going to my stomach. 揑 think I could be. I抦 going to run to the store and get a test.?
揘o, you stay and finish packing. I抣l go buy it. I抣l be back as fast I can.?He finishes tugging his shirt on, the one with the Holmes Landscaping logo over the left side of the chest, and a bigger version of it on the back.
I pace the bathroom and bedroom while he抯 gone, haphazardly throwing my things into my overnight bag. I抦 only going to be in Vegas for two nights, so I抦 definitely over packing which isn抰 like me, but my head is all over the place.
I knew this would eventually be the outcome when I tossed my birth control, so it抯 not a surprise that I抦 probably pregnant, but I know I抣l feel unsure until I take the test.
I stand in front of the mirror, lifting my tank top to reveal my bare stomach. Obviously, there抯 no bump there, but I place my hand beneath my belly button, rubbing in small circles.
Is there a baby in there?
My feelings are vastly different than when I missed my period with Seda. Then, I was a terrified nineteen-year-old, panicked at the idea of an unplanned pregnancy and being a single mom.
This time around, I feel nothing but excitement at the idea of becoming a mom again.
It抯 crazy to think a few months ago I wasn抰 sure I抎 ever have more kids. Deep down I knew I wouldn抰 want to have kids with anyone who wasn抰 Thayer.
I hear the front door open and nearly burst with nervous energy when Thayer strolls into the bedroom. He passes me the pharmacy bag and I remove the box. He splurged and got one that leaves absolutely no confusion that says either PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT.
Hurrying into the bathroom, I close myself into the little room with the toilet while Thayer waits on the other side.
揑t says it takes five minutes for results to appear,?he says through the doorway.
I finish my business and pull up my shorts. Opening the door, Thayer moves out of my way. I cap the stick and lay it on the counter, washing my hands.
揌ow do you feel??He wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight to his chest.
I bite my lip, leaning my head back to peer up at him. 揘ervous. Excited. Happy. You??
揌appy,?he repeats with a grin, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks. 揝o fucking happy.?
揑t might be negative,?I remind him, though I抦 convinced it won抰 be.
My period is never late, so the only logical conclusion is that I am pregnant. But there's always that small chance that I'm not, so I pace the length of the bathroom waiting for the five minutes to be up. Thayer watches me from the corner of the bathroom, his lips quirked in amusement. He doesn't say anything, just lets me get out my nervous energy.
揌ow long has it been??
He looks down at his watch. 揂nother minute.?
揢gh!?I groan in frustration.
After the longest minute of my life, I pick up the pregnancy test. I stare at it in surprise. Thayer comes up behind me, looking over my shoulder.
NOT PREGNANT.
揙h,?I say softly, gently laying the stick back on the sink. 揙h,?I say a bit louder this time. 揑 thought for sure I was pregnant. I厰
Devastation fills me.
I burst into uncontrollable sobs. It抯 stupid, I know, but I feel like I抳e failed at something. I know we haven抰 been trying long, and these things take time, but I guess I naively thought since I got pregnant with Seda while taking my birth control religiously that when I actually stopped it would just happen immediately.
So stupid of me.
On top it are the confusing emotions of grief for my mom that makes me extra emotional with everything these days.
揌ey,?Thayer reaches for me, 搃t抯 okay.?
揑t抯 late, my period is late,?I defend. 揃ut I抦 not厰 I trail off, still in disbelief.
揊uck, baby.?He rests his chin on top of my head. 揑抦 sorry.?
He抯 apologizing? Why? It抯 not his fault. It抯 not mine either, I know that, but I抦 just sad. After so much devastation lately, I felt excited at the prospect of being pregnant.
揑t抯 okay,?I sniffle, pulling out of his hold. I grab a piece of toilet paper, using it to dry my blotchy face. 揑抦 just dealing with a lot right now.?I fan my suddenly hot face with my hands. 揑t抯 no big deal.?
I don抰 know whether I抦 trying to convince him or myself.
揧ou抮e allowed to be upset.?
揑-I know that.?I hastily put the last few things in my toiletry bag and zip it up. 揑 need to go. I can抰 miss my flight.?
揝alem棓 He reaches for me, but I scoot out of his hold.
I add the small bag into my suitcase and zip it up. 揑抦 going to call an Uber.?I look around for my phone, not able to remember where I last set it.
揝alem,?he says my name again, sterner this time. 揗aybe you shouldn抰 go.?
I snort. 揘ot go? It抯 Lauren抯 bachelorette, I have to go. She抯 my best friend.?
I抦 not going to let this overshadow her weekend. That would be selfish.
揚lease, just talk to me.?He grips my arms, forcing me to stop pacing around the room. 揑抣l drive you to the airport.?I open my mouth to argue that he抣l be late for work, but he beats me to it. 揑抦 the boss, I can be late if I want. I just want to know how you抮e feeling. I don抰 want you to keep this bottled inside. You do too much of that as it is.?