Salem told me once, that she wanted to have the confidence of wildflowers. She wanted to grow and thrive no matter what life tossed her way. And she抯 done just that.
But if she had the confidence of wildflowers, then I was the resurrection of wildflowers. My soul withered with the death of my son. I was lost and that version of myself was gone forever. But I came back桰 came back and now I抣l grow and thrive alongside her.
When Lauren comes out, on the arm of her father, I get choked up because I realize one day I抣l be walking Seda down the aisle to whomever she chooses to give her heart to. And while I won抰 get to experience the same for Forrest, I know he抯 always with me, because the love in my heart for my son has never dwindled. If anything, it has grown stronger.
As I watch Lauren start down the aisle, I swear I can feel Forrest抯 small hand in mine. Like he抯 reminding that my beliefs aren抰 crazy, that he抯 right here.
Our loved ones never really leave us梟ot as long as we remember. Even when it hurts, even when the pain is unbearable, we have to remember.
CHAPTER 50
SALEM
The last of summer comes to an end, the final days of warm weather bleeding into the crisp cold weather of October. Caleb moves into my mom抯 house, spending most weekends there and his weekdays in Boston. It抯 an adjustment at first, having him right next door, but it turns out to be the right thing all the way around for us and for Seda.
The door to my mom抯 shop opens梞y shop now, I remind myself. I set down the paint roller, smiling when Thayer walks in with our daughter. She sets her rainbow backpack down and runs over to me, giving me a hug.
揑 got an A on my spelling test, Mommy. Mrs. Lowell says she thinks I should be in the spelling bee.?
揥ow, that抯 amazing.?I tap her nose. 揇o you have homework??
She pouts, muttering, 揧es.?
揋o get started on it while your dad and I paint. If you need help just yell for us.?
揊ine.?She grabs her backpack, running into the back where a commercial kitchen is almost finished being put in. It feels far too fancy for me, and I question whether I抣l even be able to make a go of all this, but the only true failure is in not trying.
揌ere, I got you something.?
I narrow my eyes curiously on my husband. 揂nd what is it??
From behind his back, he holds out a Diet Coke. 揊or you.?
I put a hand to my chest, then take the soda. 揗y hero.?I stand on my tiptoes, kissing his scruffy cheek.
揑 like this color.?Thayer picks up another roller, dipping it in the pan.
揧ou do??I抦 a tad surprised he likes the burnt orange color. That抯 only the base color, and then I抦 having someone come in to paint a mural of retro style flowers. It seems like a lot of bakeries go the pastel route, and there抯 nothing wrong with that, but I wanted to do something different. A little quirky. Something that was ?me.
揑 do. With the flowers it抯 going to look great.?
I take a sip of the Diet Coke, looking around at the transformed space. Jen has already been by to congratulate me. It抣l be a while before we open, but what matters is that I抦 doing this, and I think my mom would be proud of me. I think she抎 be happy knowing that this space will continue to exist with a new life. I even kept some of the vintage pieces for wall d閏or and there抯 a green colored couch from the 70s that will sit beneath the big window in the front.
Thayer and I work together, mostly in silence since we can get more done that way, and manage to finish the second coat on one whole wall. It抯 progress, so I抦 not going to complain.
揂re you done with your homework??I ask Seda, poking my head in the back.
揧eah. Mostly.?
揥hat does mostly mean??
揑 need some help with a few questions when we get home. You were busy so I didn抰 want to ask.?
揝weetie, I told you if you needed help, we would.?
揑 know.?She shoulders her backpack. 揃ut I wanted you to paint so you can open this place and I can have cupcakes anytime I want.?
I sigh in amusement. 揝ound logic.?
揧ou have paint on your nose,?she tells me, brushing by me into the main shop space.
That抯 my kid, always keeping me humble.
Thayer抯 truck is parked outside, and I make sure Seda抯 secure in her seat, then get in myself.
揟here抯 somewhere I want to take you ladies before we go home.?
揂nd where抯 that??I ask as he pull away from the curb.
揧ou抣l see.?
A few minutes later we抮e parked outside the cemetery. I send him a questioning glance, but he only motions with his hand for me to follow him out of the truck.
揂re we visiting Grandma and brother??
揧eah,?Thayer takes her hand, 搘e are.?
揃ut we didn抰 bring flowers.?She frowns, seeming highly distraught by this fact. 揥ait.?She pulls her hand from Thayer抯 and takes off running for the field beside the cemetery. She plucks a handful of wildflowers, smiling at her bouquet. The flowers are dry and brittle, practically dead since the weather has been getting cold, but she smiles at them like they抮e the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
She runs back over to us, taking each of our hands and somehow managing to keep ahold of the flowers too. Thayer looks down at her, then up to me, and I wonder if he feels it too. How despite the tragedies we抳e both had to face in our lifetimes, that our lives are still beautiful, still filled with love, and though some might think we抮e extremely unlucky, I抎 argue the opposite. We抳e come out on the other side scarred, but beautiful. Life has tested us in some of the cruelest ways, but we抮e both still standing here. We抮e smiling. We抮e thriving. That抯 the true test of a person梩he beauty they抮e able to find in the simple things.
In the wildflowers that bloom and blossom freely.
In the bees that pollinate our earth.
In the sound of the wind rustling the leaves.
Those are the things that matter.
This. Us.
Thayer leads us through and around. He has the path memorized. My mom isn抰 beside Forrest, but they are near, so as we approach, I notice something new, something different.
揥hat抯 that??I ask.
揑t抯 a bench, Mom,?Seda says like she can抰 believe I don抰 know what one looks like.
She lets go of our hands, running ahead and to her brother抯 grave first.
揇id the cemetery put a bench in or something??I search his brown eyes for an answer.
He shakes his head, tugging a beanie down over his ears more. 揘o.?
揟hen why? I ?I don抰 understand.?
We get closer and I start to take in the detail of it. It has my mom抯 name carved into it. Forrest抯 too. My hand flies to my mouth, tears stinging my eyes. Damn him for making me cry.
揑 made it,?he says softly. 揥e抮e here often enough and I spoke with the caretaker. I was able to buy an empty plot almost exactly between them, so that way we can sit here and we抣l be close to both of them.?
I gape at him. 揧ou bought a whole grave plot just to put a bench on it??
揧es.?
One word. So simple. But it speaks volumes about the kind of man Thayer is.
He put a whole gym in his basement and now he bought an entire grave just to put a bench on it so we can be with our family.
揧ou ?you抮e amazing.?I throw my hands around his neck, my feet lifting off the ground with his height. His arms wrap around me, his face burrowing into the crook of my neck.
揑抦 really not.?
揂nd that抯 even more of a reason why you are.?I take his face in my hands. 揧ou do these things from the goodness of your heart. Because you want to. You抮e not asking for credit, but you deserve it anyway.?