“I can’t do this,” I say and walk out of the kitchen.
He follows after me, grabbing my hand and spinning me around. “We are going to talk about this like adults. I’m sick of you being irrational and running away when we have problems.”
“How am I supposed to talk to you when you’re gaslighting me? I just told you how I feel, how your actions made me feel, and you just invalidated all of them. Telling me I’m irrational and blowing things out of proportion?”
He stares at me, eyes wide.
“How would you feel, Graham?” I take a step toward him.
“How would you feel if I’d slept with a man that I worked with. That I saw every single day. That lived in my home and I didn’t tell you about it.”
I can see he’s getting uncomfortable. He drags his hand nervously through his hair.
“Even worse, what if I lied to you about it? A lie of omission is still a damn lie. How would you feel? You certainly acted irrational when you thought there was something between me and Hank. You certainly were blowing things out of proportion when Garrett said two words to me.”
He shakes his head. “That’s different.”
“Ha! How? Enlighten me.”
“I was trying to protect you from guys who just wanted to sleep with you, use you—”
“First of all, Hank wasn’t trying to sleep with me!” I shout the words and I don’t care if I’m being childish. “I’m sick of explaining that to you. And Garrett? If you trusted me, even if he was trying to sleep with me, then you’d be fine letting me talk to him because you’d know I wouldn’t do that to you. But clearly, you don’t trust me, and you know why? Because you’re shady. You can’t be trusted so you think I can’t.”
I jab my finger in his chest and he reaches out and grabs it, pulling me forward. I stumble into him, and he grabs the back of my head, his lips crashing down on mine.
He kisses me hard, painfully. I pull away and cock my hand back, landing a slap square across his jaw. The sound of skin-to-skin contact echoes through the atrium.
“You’re not going to use sex to avoid this. I don’t even know who you are anymore. You used me.”
He reaches out to me again, but I jerk my hand away.
“Margot, please, I—I love you.”
I stare at him, his eyes pleading with me but instead of elation, I feel nothing.
“I’m in love with you,” he says again, this time just a whisper.
“I need to be alone.”
I turn and walk toward the stairs, getting halfway up.
“One other question.” He looks up at me.
“Why did the other nanny leave?”
He looks confused. I don’t elaborate on why I’m asking. On Miss Perry’s ominous warning about her time here. No, I want to see how he answers.
“She, uh…” He rakes his hands through his hair again. “She had a family emergency, and she had to move back to Vermont. Why?”
I don’t answer him; I just turn back to the stairs and make my way to my room.
I close the door and lean against it. All the pain and emotions I was keeping a lid on boil over and I slowly sink to the ground in a puddle of tears.
The rest of the day is a blur.
Graham must have gone back to the office because I don’t see or hear him, and Miss Perry stays out of my line of sight.
I do my best to put on a happy face for Eleanor but it’s a struggle. Every time I look at her, I want to break down and sob. I don’t know if I’m losing her too in all this.
When I finally put her to bed, I drag myself back to my room. I don’t have any tears left. I feel numb. I lie on my bed and contemplate how I got myself here. I blame myself for falling for Graham, but I also blame him for lying to me.
None of this would be happening if he would have just been honest. It’s not just about the lie—it rarely ever is—it’s about the reasoning.
Am I not important enough for the truth?
Or is he hiding something else? If you truly never felt feelings for this person, why lie and hide it?
I torture myself like this for hours, rhetorical questions going round and round in my head and getting me nowhere.
I decide that my mom is right. At the end of the day, I have to be happy with myself or I’ll never truly find happiness.
I walk over to the table by the window and pull open my journal to a blank page. I let out a sigh as I begin a letter to Graham.
When I finish, I tiptoe downstairs and place the letter on his desk.
24
GRAHAM
I stare at the letter that Margot left on my desk two days ago.
I haven’t seen her since our fight. I’ve been too afraid and this letter confirms my worst fears.
I read it over again.
Dear Mr. Hayes,
I have appreciated the opportunity you gave me to look after Eleanor. I have enjoyed and loved every second I spent with her. I have also appreciated your generosity with the salary and accommodations.
However, I have to put my well-being and mental health first and I do not feel I am the best fit for this position.
Please consider this my official notice of resignation. My last day will be two weeks from tomorrow.
-Margot Silver
“Mr. Hayes, Mr. Dorsey to see you, sir.”
Olivia’s voice breaks through the intercom.
“Send him in,” I say as I fold the letter and place it back in my drawer.
“Graham, you ready to make millions?” He laughs as he steps into my office and gives me a stern handshake.
“Warren,” I say as I unbutton my suit coat and sit back in my chair.
“I called you in for a reason. I won’t take up much of your time as I know we are both busy men. I’m not going to sign your contract.”
He smiles, that gross smile that could make a snake recoil.
“What’s it gonna cost me? Forty percent? I won’t go over forty, son, so don’t get greedy.” He points his fat sausage finger at me.
I lean back in my chair. “You could offer me ninety-nine percent, Warren, and I’d still say no.”
His smirk falls from his face, instantly replaced with disgust.
Ah, I’ve hit a nerve. Nobody says no to Warren Dorsey.
“What changed?”
“Nothing changed. I just thought long and hard about who I’ll be in bed with.” I make sure to use the same phrase he said to Margot. “And I don’t want to be in bed with a man like you.”
He laughs and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he levels his eyes at me. “I thought my daughter might cause an issue for us.”
“Your daughter?”
“Margot, your nanny.”
I stare at him blankly. What the fuck?
He laughs harder. “You didn’t know?”
I shake my head no.
“Margot Silver.” He leans back in his chair, his belly spilling over his belt. “She’s got a different name, but she still came from my sack.”
My stomach curdles at his putrid response. I don’t want him to know he’s getting to me; he gets off on shit like that.
“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway; she’s put in her resignation. As of two weeks from now, she’ll no longer be my nanny.”
I point my finger at his purplish face, his collar cutting off the circulation as it digs into his fat rolls.