“I also came up here to apologize.” I slowly remove my hand from her lips. “First for the way I acted the other day. I shouldn’t have invalidated your feelings. There were other things at play that I truly wasn’t aware of.”
She looks at me as if I’m crazy.
“I know. I think I turned a willful blind eye to those things. That wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own. For what it’s worth, you were right about Miss Perry. About her trying to sleep with me, I mean. But for the record, I have and had zero interest in her like that.”
I glance up at her, our eyes connecting briefly before she looks away.
“I fired her. She won’t ever be an issue for you again, not that it matters at this point. I also wanted to clear the air about the last nanny. There was nothing ever between me and her, not even remotely. I barely spoke to her. Miss Perry told me about the lie she told you regarding my relationship with her. It wasn’t true.”
Her eyes dart back to mine.
“Margot, I can’t express to you how sorry I am that I hurt you. I never wanted that to happen and I know it’s too late but I have to tell you that now.”
I stand, waiting for her to say anything. Hoping she begs me to stay or runs into my arms but she doesn’t.
“And I also wanted to tell you that I will respect your wishes and boundaries while you finish out your time here. I will give you the space you need to do your job and care for Eleanor, and I’ll have the conversation with her about you and me and you moving on.”
I see her shoulders fall. I debate bringing up the whole Warren Dorsey thing, not because I’m hoping to get brownie points for doing the right thing and cutting the shitbag loose, but because I want to hold her and apologize on his behalf for being her father—even if it is only biologically.
In the end, I decide against it. It’s her business and if she wanted to share that part of her life with me, she would have.
“Are those terms you can agree to?”
She nods her head yes and I smile at her, hoping she can’t see my heart breaking into a million little pieces right now.
“Good night, Margot,” I say as I leave the room and shut the door softly behind me.
25
MARGOT
Ten days… I can make it.
I can resist his tempting looks.
I can resist the way his body calls to me.
I can resist the way his fingers move across the toast he’s buttering as he grips the knife. I will not think about all the delicious toe-curling things he’s done to me with those fingers…
I choke on my coffee, shooting up from the chair I’m sitting in. It skitters across the hardwood floor, clattering to the ground.
“You okay?” Graham looks up at me.
I don’t respond; I just run out of the kitchen as my cheeks burn from embarrassment. I take the stairs two at a time, launching myself into my bedroom and slamming the door.
“You’re fine. You got this.”
I pace back and forth in my room. I grab my iPad and settle into the chair.
“Just look at apartments. Keep focused.”
After my conversation with Hank and my outburst at Graham’s office event, I replied to Grace’s email and told her I’m fully onboard. Jeff called me a day later and we discussed the position at La Crème, the salary, job expectations, and start date.
During the summer, La Crème offers limited programs but this position won’t be starting officially until the second week of August. Since I’m giving Graham two weeks here, that will take me into the middle of July. With the amount of money I’ve saved working here, I’ll be fine without a paycheck for a month, but still, trying to find an affordable apartment in Chicago near the academy won’t be easy.
I scroll through the listings, flagging a few to check on their availability. I sigh. The reality that I’ll be leaving Eleanor soon is hitting me hard.
I still feel so torn. I love her so much and I know I’ll see her at La Crème, but it’s not the same. She cried when I told her I’d be leaving but cheered up a little when I told her about my new job. I don’t think she fully understands though.
My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts. I see it’s Shelly.
“Hey, girl, how was Mexico?” I haven’t spoken to her since her whirlwind vacation with Hank.
“Oh. My. Gaaaawd. It was fantastic. We lay on the most beautiful beaches. We swam in the Cenotes; we drank margaritas—it was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.”
“Awww, yay! I’m so happy for you guys. Did you come back with a ring?”
“What?” She laughs. “No, I’m not that impulsive. We have talked about it a little though.”
“See, I knew it was brewing.”
She fills me in on some of the funny things that happened on her trip, and it makes my heart feel full to know that she’s so happy.
“So what about you? What’s going on?”
I let out a long, labored sigh.
“Uh-oh,” she says, picking up on it.
“Yeah. So, I put in my two weeks’ notice.”
She gasps. “Wait, hold up. Let me grab my water. Okay, I’m ready.”
I explain everything to her. The Warren Dorsey drama. The Fiona Perry drama. How I’m conflicted on my feelings for him and if I should forgive him and give him a second chance or just move on.
“Wow.” She puffs out a breath of air. “That’s a lot. That’s a whole lot.”
“Yeah,” I echo her sentiments.
“Are you in love with him?”
I roll my head around, hesitating.
“That sounds like a yes to me.”
“I am. I think that I feel guilty for wanting this other job when I took this nanny job and committed to it. I feel like I’m flaking on both of them. It’s just all screwing with my head right now.”
“I can see that dilemma. I think you need to first, be honest with yourself about your feelings in all of this; they’re valid. Second, you need to ask yourself what you really want. You can take this teaching job that is one hell of an opportunity that you’ve worked hard for and earned and feel guilty about it and let it ruin your ability to lead and nurture these kids or you can realize that life changes. Graham clearly isn’t angry at you for taking this job, right?”
“I don’t know for sure. I do want to talk to him about it and clear the air. He apologized to me but I never apologized for how I reacted to things and I never explained to him that this is my dream job.”
I flop back on my bed after wearing a path in the area rug around it. I let out a frustrated huff.
“All that to say, I do need a place to live in less than ten days and I don’t know how I’m going to make that happen. I’ve found a few places I can afford, but you know how availability can be in the city. They’ll waitlist you or you never even hear back after your application.”
“Why don’t you move in with me?”
I laugh. “Babe, your studio is barely enough room for you.”
“No, seriously, I’m never there. I stay at Hank’s almost every single night now. Trust me, you won’t be in the way, and it doesn’t have to be long term. Just until you find the right place.”