Smile slipping, I lick my bottom lip and glance over at him from the movie. “Anyway, our traditions would usually start on the night of Christmas Eve. After dinner, we’d open our one present and then snack on cookies while waiting for Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas to come on. Our parents would always make us go to bed after that because Santa would be on his way.”
Rolling my eyes, I let out a tiny laugh. “I think Lo tried telling me once that Santa didn’t exist. She’d been snooping through Mama’s closet and found wrapped presents that had Santa’s name on it.”
He looks amused. “You didn’t believe her? Did she show you the presents?”
I shake my head. “I think once she realized I still believed in the creepy guy, she didn’t want to ruin it. Plus, I’m pretty sure Mama moved the presents once she realized Lo had been looking around.”
The arm he has around me tightens for a moment before loosening. “Your sister loved you, huh?”
I rest my cheek on his chest. “Of course she did. Lo loved everybody. It didn’t matter what they did to her, she looked past the bad things and saw the good. Like when Dad left. She never stayed angry at him like me.”
“When did she…？”
Biting down on my lip, I close my eyes and let out a heavy breath. “A year after he left, give or take. She never saw the version of Mama I did after he moved out or when she got sicker. I kind of owed it to her to keep her in the dark for as long as I could.”
His thumb brushes against my arm in circular motions. I sink into him and the feeling he creates. “Why?”
I reach up and thread our fingers together, letting a moment pass before I answer him. “She let me believe in Santa. She deserved to believe in Mama for as long as she needed to.”
I just wish she’d got to for a little longer.
My shoulder hurts throughout the next day, making it hard to roll the cookie dough like Cam asks me to do. After waking up draped across Kaiden, my entire side was stiff. He tried helping me up when he noticed I was struggling, but I kept telling him I was fine.
Now he’s side eyeing me from the other end of the island where Cam put him to work placing the cookies on the sheet to cool off. He told me to stay in bed and watch movies, but I could hear Cam frantically rushing around downstairs and wanted to help. Now that I can barely flatten the remaining dough in front of me, it seems like I’m holding them back from finishing.
Dad left to go pick up Mama and Grandma right before we started, saying he’d take them to their hotel before bringing them here to have an early dinner with us. I’ve been nervous about it since I woke up, the worry of how Mama will act plaguing my conscience any time I’m not being distracted by cookies or meal plans or Christmas music.
Kaiden appears next to me, gently nudging me out of the way and taking over. “I can’t keep watching you mess these up,” he comments, shooting me a wink.
Cam gasps. “Kaiden!”
I wave it off. “He’s right. I’m not doing a very good job. Maybe I can help decorate them when they’re ready?”
Cam’s expression brightens. “Of course, sweetie! It’s Kaiden’s favorite part. When he was little—”
Kaiden groans.
“—he would bounce in his seat until we got the frosting ready to color and apply. He’d spend at least ten minutes on each cookie trying to add the right amount of detail and yell at anyone who just slapped the frosting and sprinkles on them.”
“Dad wouldn’t even spread the damn frosting around. He just put a spoonful on top and doused the thing with whatever sprinkles was closest to him.”
Cam laughs. “He did that on purpose.”
I grin. “Are you still like that?”
Kaiden says, “No” the same time Cam answers, “Yes.”
Glancing between them, I see how light Cam’s eyes are as she watches her son. The holidays are meant to bring people together, and it seems like it has here.
Cam looks from him to me. “He’s nowhere near as obsessed with perfection, but if we put him in a baking competition, he’d win first place hands down.”
Kaiden’s face turns pink. “Mom. Jesus.”
Cam’s eyes widen as she stares at him.
He grumbles and rolls the dough flat, not meeting her teary eyes.
I can’t help but stare though, because the watery gaze she gives Kaiden is nothing like the one I’m used to seeing from Mama. Cam’s is full of awe and love knowing her son finally called her something other than her first name. It’s so beautiful I feel like I shouldn’t be intruding on the moment.
Jabbing my finger behind me, I make an excuse to go to my room. I suppose I could be honest and admit I need to lie down, but instead I tell them I have presents left to wrap. Considering I don’t have any money, it’s a stupid one to make, but neither says a word.
Once I’m in my room, I play with the beaded bracelet on my wrist before walking over to my dresser and pulling out the old pair of Harry Potter pajamas. Running my fingers across the worn, dingy material, I set them on the bed and stare.
If Kaiden can let Cam in, I can do the same for Dad. Mama too if she’ll let me. The difference between them is that Dad let me in a long time ago—when he said yes to moving in, when he picked me up, when he brought me back to visit. He’s tried more than Mama has. It’s her turn to let me in.
After playing around with a couple items from my room, I stand back and smile at the outcome of my makeshift Christmas Eve present. Dad didn’t ask for it, but I think that’s what makes it more special.
Running my hand over the thick frame housing my flattened Hufflepuff shirt with a picture of Lo and me as kids, I swallow past the lump in my throat.
After stealing some wrapping paper from Cam, I finish taping up the end before setting the gift off to the side. Finally taking Kaiden’s advice, I grab his laptop from where he keeps it on my nightstand and put on a cheesy Christmas movie before pulling the blankets around me.
Still aching, I rest on my back and feel my lids grow heavy before I succumb to sleep.
“Emery.”
“Emery.”
Someone is shaking me, pulling me away from a nap that I don’t want to end. I can feel the exhaustion settle into my body—limbs heavy and brain foggy and back sore. I grumble and try ignoring the intruder, but they keep persisting.
“Wake up, baby.”
“Go away, Kaiden,” I murmur, wanting to push him away. He usually lets me sleep when I need it, so I’m not sure why he’s being pushy now.
A throat clears. “Not me, Mouse.”
My eyes crack open, and the first thing I see is Mama beside me. She’s sitting on the edge of my bed with a weary smile on her face. Grandma and Kaiden are off to the side, Kaiden leaning against my dresser and Grandma looking amused from behind Mama.
“Does your stepbrother usually call you baby?” Grandma asks. Her curiosity is mixed with a teasing tone, which makes me blush.
Mama squeezes my shoulder. “You look a little pale, Em.”
Em. I haven’t heard her call me that in a long time. It almost sounds off coming from her unpainted lips.
“I’m okay,” I say, sitting up. She helps me, noticing my slowness, and then hugs me to her until I’m breathing in her lavender scent.