At first, I thought I looked better. Healthier. I can still fit into my clothes, so it isn’t a huge weight change, but it’s an unwarranted one. My diet hasn’t been anything out of the ordinary. If anything, my appetite is limited thanks to the pulsing pain.
If people are starting to notice at school, what does everyone at home think? Kaiden has seen me naked more and more lately, and he talks about how much he loves my body. He’ll trace my slight curves and caress every inch of skin like he can’t help it. Never once has he commented on me looking different.
When I slip into his waiting car, he immediately notices my mood. “What happened?”
“Your friends like to talk.”
“They’re idiots.”
I stare at my hands that are folded in my lap. “Do you think I’m getting fat?”
“What the fuck kind of question is that?”
“One I want you to answer honestly.”
His reply is immediate. “You’re not fat, Mouse. Not even close. Whoever said that is an asshole that I’ll happily deal with.”
Part of me wants to rat out Rachel, but I don’t want to deal with the repercussions. When you have little energy to begin with, you don’t want to waste it on the wrong people.
“It doesn’t matter,” I murmur.
“You’re upset. It matters.”
I sigh loudly. “Things have been weird with me lately. I know I’ve filled out, but I didn’t think anyone really noticed.”
He’s silent for too long, staring out the windshield with his hand twitching on the gearshift. “You don’t think that you’re…？”
I smack him. “Seriously? Do you not remember when I snapped at you two weeks ago because I was moody and you bought me chocolate and tampons when you found out I was bleeding to death? Or two months ago when I couldn’t get out of bed because my period triggered a flare and you gave me your Mom’s heating pad?”
He raises his hands. “Shit. Sorry.”
I shake my head and stare out the window. “I’m just…angry. I didn’t mean to snap, but I don’t want people commenting on my weight. I used to be accused of anorexia when I lost too much from my disease. Now…”
He reaches out and takes my hand in his, the same thing I’ve done with him when he gets upset. Sometimes it’s over his father, or when he has a bad day. All it takes is one little touch.
I look at our hands. “Do you care that people think we’re together? They know who we are to each other. Rumors will get nasty.”
“They won’t say anything.”
“To you,” I counter. “But what about after you graduate? I’ll be known for the girl that looks like she got knocked up by her stepbrother. That’s…” I scrunch my nose. “It’s gross, to be honest.”
He snorts. “You don’t think it’s gross when I lick your pussy until you’re crying into your pillow.”
“Kaiden!”
“To answer your question,” he says shamelessly, “I don’t care what people think about us. We’re friends. Friends flirt. Nobody needs to know anything else.”
“But they assume—”
“You’re not going to get tormented when I’m gone,” he promises, his tone too determined to argue with.
If we only knew how true that was…
Chapter Thirty-Eight
March’s bipolar weather brings an odd mixture of snow storms and warm, sunny days that has more students sick than the first week of school. Since a lot of kids were out celebrating St. Patrick’s Day at parties together, nearly the entire junior and senior class was out recovering. The school closed for an extended weekend in hopes attendance would pick up first thing on Monday.
Kaiden and I spend Friday watching movies in bed. Even though he went to one of his friend’s parties, he’s one of the few who made it out without so much as a runny nose. If I had agreed to go like he tried getting me to, there’s no doubt I’d be stuffed up and hacking out a lung with the vast majority of peers.
As the credits roll on our third movie of the day, I stretch and settle into the pillows tucked behind me. They’re toasty and conformed to my body. “Have you thought more about college?”
April is right around the corner and I’ve heard Mr. Jefferson talk to Cam about Kaiden’s college opportunities. Apparently, two of the schools are holding a spot for him in case he changes his mind. He always tells them he’ll think about it and then shuts down afterward.
Closing his laptop with pressed lips in a tight line, he glances at the time on my alarm and then finally shrugs. “Not really.”
Liar. I saw him doing an online search on his laptop when he thought I fell asleep. The University of Maryland’s campus was on the screen, like he was studying it closely. He searched stats on the lacrosse team and read articles on previous games.
Trailing my fingers down his arm until he captures my wrist and slips his hand into mine, I say, “I think I’m going to take College English and History next year. I probably won’t be able to do any other advanced subject because they’re not my strong points, but it would be nice to have at least two credits out of the way.”
For a moment, I don’t think he’s going to reply. He watches me with slightly pinched brows, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m being serious or just playing. When he sees that I’ve truly considered my options, he squeezes my hand in response.
“Jefferson thinks I should accept UM’s offer,” he grumbles, resting the back of his head against the bed frame. “I think his exact words were ‘Don’t be an idiot, kid.’”
That makes me laugh. “He’s right. I overheard Cam telling Dad that you’ve got a full scholarship there, the campus is beautiful, and it wouldn’t be an awful long drive to visit. It seems like she wants you to go there.”
He won’t admit that he doesn’t want to leave her behind, because he won’t damage his pride. He’s spent so long being angry at her and his father that he can’t accept he’ll miss them both if he moves away.
“It’s not forever,” I add quietly, resting my cheek of his shoulder. We sit like that for a while, holding hands, listening to each other breathing.
When he squeezes my fingers again, I wince from the sharp pain shooting up my wrist and arm. Pushing past it, I sit up and look at him until he turns his head. He only has a chance to smirk like he knows what I’m thinking before I press my lips against his softly.
He’s the one who parts them, tracing the tip of his tongue against my bottom lip before deepening the kiss. His hands go to move the laptop away before finding my waist and helping me move onto his lap. Settling with my knees on either side of him, I slowly tug up his shirt until we separate long enough to toss it onto the floor. He mimics me, taking his time peeling mine off and then unsnapping my bra and kissing my breasts with fervor.
I rock on his lap as he takes one of my nipples into his mouth and tugs on it gently with his teeth before rolling it between his lips. Tipping my head back, I continue grinding on him until he’s steel between my legs. Gripping his hair as he works my other breast the same way, I’m panting his name and building the friction I need to come undone.