“If you won’t defend yourself, I will.” Asher lifted one hand. “Bastian wanted to bring her here. The husband refused.” He shot Robin a look as he raised his other hand in balance. “Then he demanded a large sum of money, which Bastian paid. Both sides of the bargain were fulfilled.”
“You…” I stared at Robin, mouth hanging open. “You demanded payment before you’d let him bring me here to save my life.”
He didn’t even have the good grace to look at me.
So much for ninety-five percent arsehole.
How had I ever believed anything else?
“I’m sorry,” Bastian murmured, bending close despite the glares. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel like an object bought and sold.”
Trying to protect me. Of course. “I know you don’t think that.”
Robin spluttered. “But we didn’t shake hands. I didn’t say the words.” He stared from the queen to Cyrus. “You said it only counted if I made a bargain.”
“As Asher says, you received your payment.” Cyrus spread his hands, though his lip curled like even he found the idea distasteful. With a momentary wince, he turned to the queen. “Your Majesty, I am satisfied the human is here legally.”
She exhaled. “Agreed.”
“Although”—the edge of a smile curved the prince’s mouth—“I’m sure you’ll agree he should be allowed to see his wife at will.”
A beat of calculating silence, then the queen countered, “And I’m sure you’ll agree he should be accompanied by guards as he travels through our side of the palace.”
He bowed his head. “Of course.”
“Now, leave us.” She beckoned Bastian closer. “I need a word with my Shadow.”
I didn’t know whether to be furious, relieved, or something else as we started towards the twinned main doors. My body settled on a heavy emptiness.
As Asher stepped through Dusk’s door, a hand closed around my arm. Uncle Rufus stood over me.
I stilled, though my heart pounded.
He smiled, fingers biting in. “Have you forgotten about duty, my girl? He is your husband and you still owe him a child.”
After everything, I owed him? I bit the inside of my cheek, afraid the words would snap out.
“Remember, family is the most important thing. There are many, many opportunities here for us. With you in Dusk and me in Dawn…” He raised his eyebrows as he squeezed so tight, I knew there would be marks when I removed my shirt. “You’re a clever girl to get yourself involved with the man in charge.”
Of course. He saw Bastian and the Night Queen yet only saw the man. The queen was nothing more than a figurehead to him.
And, of course, he expected his niece to do his bidding.
I tried to ease my arm from his grip. If Bastian saw…
“Let me go,” I whispered, glancing back at Bastian who was in an intense conversation with the queen.
Uncle Rufus followed my gaze, then yanked me close. “I’m here as the prince’s guest. Your friend can’t touch me.” He thrust me away.
I hated him for being right.
As I stumbled towards Dusk’s door, he gave me an unpleasant smile. “Enjoy warming his bed; just remember where your loyalties lie.”
Oh, I knew exactly where my loyalties lay.
71
Kat
I thought taking Bastian up on his offer with the boots would help me sleep.
I was wrong.
As much as I lost myself in the moment, afterwards I lay in the dark thinking about the fact Uncle Rufus was in this building on the other side of a thin, thin veil. He could even be in this same room on Dawn’s side of the palace.
What had become a sanctuary, he and Robin had now made unsafe. I hated them for it. Hated the world for their existence. And hated myself for allowing them to break all I’d built.
Come morning, Bastian pressed a familiar sphere into my hand. “I was meaning to give this back to you, permanently. Now seems like the right time.” He slid my thumb along the chain. “Remember.”
Gripping the orrery, I drew a shaky breath. “This is real.”
He nodded and left me in his bed with a kiss and the promise that he’d dig into how Rufus and Robin had managed to weasel their way here. “Get some sleep,” he ordered before leaving for work, ready to write a report on our trip for the queen.
For once, I didn’t obey.
I couldn’t. Not with the feel of Rufus’s fingers biting into my arm and the stuttering images of that night coming to mind. When I thought I spotted Dia’s skeleton in a dark corner of the room, I dragged myself from bed. Not even the rich red roses in my room could make me smile. Without bathing, I dressed and headed out. The guards went to fetch Rose to accompany me, but I told them I was going to visit Vespera.
Which I did. But then I went into the city. It was still wintry, the air crisp, but snowdrops bloomed in gardens and the sky was clear. The sun made me glad that I didn’t have to bundle myself up so fully. I left off my gloves and kept my coat unbuttoned, enjoying the chill breathing through my shirt.
I picked up supplies on my way and stopped at Kaliban’s doorstep with a basket of food.
“Where have you been?” was his only greeting.
“Oh, you know how it is.” I shrugged as I entered. “Quests for the queen, getting captured by enemies. That sort of thing.”
He shut the door behind me and narrowed his eyes. “You’re not even joking.”
I started putting the food away—by now I knew where everything went. “Is there any point in trying to keep things from you when you can dip into my thoughts?”
“You know I don’t—”
“I know. But… my request today would’ve taken us in that direction, anyway.” I took a long while arranging potatoes in their basket. “Can you erase any memory? Even old ones?” I’d planned to get rid of the sight of all those people in pain because of my poison, but if he could dig further back…
Being unable to remember that night had been uncomfortable, especially as shards pushed through into my thoughts at odd times, like at Lara’s funeral.
But, really, remembering had been the worst part. Those shards and then the eventual crash of it all coming together as he’d held my throat in the corridor. That was what had almost destroyed me.
If Kaliban took that memory, wouldn’t it be better? No shards could poke into my consciousness—he’d make sure they were erased rather than buried.
And I wouldn’t have that uncertainty—I’d know there was something bad I’d chosen to rid myself of.
It might leave me less afraid of Uncle Rufus.
So I held my breath and waited for Kaliban to answer.
“Older memories are harder. They tend to be more thoroughly integrated in thought patterns and behaviours, with more echoes—times you’ve thought about the memory. Essentially, they’re part of who you are. But I can take a look.”
I bit my lip as a flood of unshed tears blurred my vision. A life without that memory. Without the constant fucking fear.
Wouldn’t I be stronger, then? I could face Uncle Rufus and tell him all the things I thought. I’d be free of his terrible lessons.