“Maybe you’re right.” Gaze to one side, he nodded. “I’ll go and work in my office for a few hours.”
43
Kat
As soon as he was gone, I hurried out. I didn’t have Rose, but I didn’t care. She couldn’t know about Kaliban—I wouldn’t put her in a difficult position of choosing between me and Bastian.
But I desperately needed my memories gone.
Once I cleared the palace grounds, I breathed a little easier—less chance of Bastian or Rose catching me. The scent of roasted nuts coated in sugar and spices tinged the air, a sign of the coming Solstice festivities.
But my relief was short-lived, as the Hall of Healing’s white marble pillars caught the midday sun.
Throat closing, I scratched my chest, snatched back from the edge of that memory by the streaking pain of my raw skin.
Head bowed, I trotted through the streets, only looking up when I needed to get my bearings. Each time, the sight of the hall put me right back in that white room. I couldn’t remember the pain. But I remembered the horror. The choking poison writhing in my throat. The twitching of my body out of control. The fear it might never end.
My breaths sped as I turned onto Kaliban’s street.
I didn’t stop to buy him food. I would have to owe him.
I needed this memory gone. Now.
My mind played yet more cruel tricks on me, as my sight hazed, everything taking on a purple cast. Was I going to pass out? Then someone would stop and help. They would touch me.
Fuck.
I locked my eyes on Kaliban’s front door and sprinted. The heaving breaths in my lungs. The sweat beading my skin. They were real things. Just hold on to them and don’t pass out.
I hammered on the door again and again and again until it opened.
“All right, all right. Stars above, I’m coming. I’m…” His eyes bulged and he backed away. “Get in.”
Panting, I sank into a chair and fisted my hands in my hair. “Get it out. Get it out of me. Please.”
He coughed. “Control your magic, Katherine. It’s humming around you.”
When I looked up, I found him on the far side of the room, sleeve over his mouth and nose, the air between us tinted purple.
That was real? Not just a memory?
“I—I can’t.” I tried to grab for it, reaching out with my will, hissing at it to come here. Only my skin was meant to be poisonous, not the fucking air around me. “I can’t!”
“The fire,” he choked, opening a window and half hanging out it. “Focus on that. Get yourself under control.”
“I’m sorry.” I clutched my necklace, its hard stone reassuring, even through my gloves. I had the antidote.
With a deep breath, I turned to the fireplace where the cheerful pink flames leapt. Coral pink. Orange. Flecks of yellow, red, and violet-blue. The scent of the lavender and lemon candles he liked to burn. The time-worn surface of the table, smooth in that way fresh varnish just couldn’t replicate.
The purple haze faded.
Kaliban huffed and bustled around, opening the other windows. “Thank the fucking gods that’s over.” He clicked his tongue like I was a naughty child.
Exhaustion swept over me, a wave that threatened to drag me under. “I did technically die for a minute. You’ll forgive me if I’m not entirely under control.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You… died?”
I hung my head, wishing I hadn’t burst out with it so easily.
“No use wishing that. I’ll see it when you let me take the memory, anyway. Come on, then.” He took the seat next to mine and gestured for me to sit up.
I called the memory afresh, gripping the table’s edge as I battled nausea.
Hmm. Kaliban’s voice reached into my mind as he wiped away the start of the appointment. Do you want this part erasing, too?
He pulled a memory to the surface…
My throat is hoarse. My breaths wheeze. But most importantly, when I open my eyes, the burning in my body is gone. Every muscle aches, weak and trembling.
No more pain.
From the far side of the slowly spinning room, Elthea watches me, head cocked, a slight crease between her eyebrows. She’s wearing a mask now. She didn’t have that before.
She approaches and makes a thoughtful sound. “Interesting.”
“Interesting?” It bursts out of me as I fight to control my breathing and the spinning of the room.
“Very interesting.” She nods, examining my hands.
I’m still strapped to the bed, or else I’d be mighty tempted to wring her bloody neck for calling this “interesting.” Somehow I would find the strength to do that, despite my limbs feeling like liquid.
“The manticore venom had the usual effect, but then… it was like your body began to process it. It caused a lot of stress to your system, and there was a strange reaction from your skin—like the aconite hazed out of you.” She pulls up my sleeves, pinching the skin and nodding.
“Your heart stopped for a while. But then it restarted on its own. And”—she ducks close, peering into my eyes—“I didn’t need to heal you. You’re clear of all effects.”
I shoot upright—or as upright as I can with the straps biting into my wrists. “I’m cured?”
“What? Oh.” She laughs. “No, not that.” Another laugh that makes my fingernails cut into my palms. “The manticore venom. It didn’t work as a cure, but…” She frowns and unbuckles one wrist. “It seems you might be immune to poisons.”
I can’t do anything but stare at her, too exhausted to process, too drained to reply.
She flashes me a smile. “Like I said: interesting.”
I pulled back to the here and now. Take it. I didn’t want anything from that room. I offered the memory to Kaliban and sagged when he swept it out of my mind, even though I didn’t know why I felt so relieved.
“Thank you,” I murmured, scrubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. Despite the coffee I’d had at the meeting, exhaustion came crashing over me. I could sleep now. And I needed to rush back so Bastian wouldn’t know I’d snuck out.
Kaliban made a low sound. “You should be careful of the Serpent, Kat.”
“Sorry.” I gathered myself. “I didn’t mean to think so loud. I’m just so tired.” But I frowned at him as I processed what he’d said. I thought he might’ve had sympathy for someone else who was disliked by society.
His lips set in a thin line. “Not for him.”
“Bloody hells.” I squeezed my eyes shut. I was used to controlling my actions and my speech—today’s outburst to Lysander being a rare exception. But my thoughts were the only place I got to be free. At least, usually they were.
When I dared to look again, I found Kaliban watching me with a thoughtful frown. “Do you ever let go?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re trying to hold tightly on to your feelings—to yourself. The tighter you squeeze a bird, the quicker it dies.”
Rising, I snorted. “What a cheerful image.”
“So is the image of what that healer has done to you.”
I flinched, folding my arms.
He grunted as I made for the door. “You might want to reconsider pursuing a cure, Kat.”