“Who was that?” she asked.
“God, you scared me! How long have you been standing there?”
Stella stared at me.
I knew she had heard everything.
“It’s not what you think. It was work. That was Michael, my boss.”
I reached for her, but she turned on her heel and walked back through the hall and out the door. I ran after her, my heart in my throat, and just as she took her first step down the stairs I threw my arms around her from behind and pulled her close.
“I love you, Stella.”
We held each other for a long time, and as sad as it sounds, I hadn’t felt so close to my daughter for years. I was bubbling with grand words and promises, but I couldn’t manage to produce a sound. And in that moment, all we needed was to be close.
A few months later, I left Michael Blomberg’s firm for a different job closer to home. Things slowly improved between Adam and me, and Stella seemed more well-adjusted. She and Amina soon found their way back to one another, and I started to think of what had happened as a phase, a rough patch—sure, it may have come close to breaking us, but we had made it through and in the long run, with any luck, it would make our family stronger.
Little did I know that the real catastrophe was waiting around the corner.
101
Prosecutor Jansdotter twirls her pen as she waits for Amina to blow her nose yet again.
“So you went down to the beach with Chris Olsen and you kissed again?”
“Although I was starting to have doubts,” Amina says. “I felt horrible about what I was doing.”
“And this was the same night Chris Olsen died? What time could it have been?”
Amina shrugs.
“Stella means the world to me,” she says, as if she didn’t hear the prosecutor’s question. “I’d never let a guy come between us.”
“But you kissed him?” Jansdotter says. “What time was this?”
“I regretted it right away. It was like I was watching it all from outside myself, almost like it was a movie. I realized what I was doing and told Chris to stop.”
Jansdotter interrupts her.
“You have been questioned by the police twice, Amina. Why didn’t you mention any of this? During the interrogations you consistently stated that you never saw Christopher Olsen at all after Stella’s birthday.”
“I couldn’t bear to explain. I thought Stella would be released anyway.”
I scrutinize the lay judges. The Sweden Democrat has leaned back slightly and pushed out his belly as if he’s just eaten a large dinner. My immediate sense is that he’s already made up his mind. Next to him, the women are hunched toward each other, whispering.
Jenny Jansdotter sounds honestly curious as she asks the next question.
“Why would we believe you now, Amina? You’ve had many opportunities to tell the police what happened.”
I slip my hand into Adam’s, but I don’t have the courage to look at him.
“He didn’t stop,” Amina says. “I kept telling him to stop.”
Jansdotter drops her pen, but her fingers keep twirling as if she hasn’t noticed.
“He just kept going,” Amina says.
The prosecutor is gaping. Now it’s dawning on her. She opens her mouth several times, trying to say something, but she seems to keep drawing a blank and starting over.
“I told him I didn’t want to,” Amina says. “I screamed at him.”
“Why didn’t you mention this during the police interrogation?” the prosecutor asks.
The words come in starts.
“I—was—a virgin.”
Jansdotter falls silent.
“I tried to shove him away, but I couldn’t. He pushed my arms to the ground. I couldn’t … I struggled and clawed and screamed, but I couldn’t get away.”
I release Adam’s hand, then turn around and look at Alexandra again. It’s enough to drive away any lingering doubt. I am now sure that this is the right thing to do. We couldn’t have done it any other way. There is no justice anyway.
Amina has to fight for her voice to hold out. She takes a sip of water and clears her throat.
Then she looks straight at the presiding judge.
“Christopher Olsen raped me.”
102
In reality, it was an idiotic idea from the start. Stella’s attitude toward the church was overtly hostile. What business would she have at a confirmation camp?
“I think it would be good for her,” said Adam. “She might feel left out if she doesn’t go.”