“So are we doing magazines again?” I fidget in my seat, a little nervous to be doing this with only Dr. Evans in the room. When Lo’s here, it feels less weird.
“I think we should move on to another compulsion today.”
I try to wrack my brain. What else could I conquer with aversion therapy besides fantasies and porn?
His eyes drop to my thighs. “It would have been easier if you wore a dress or skirt, but I think you can manage.”
My heart bangs against my ribcage. Maybe I heard him wrong.
“I want you to masturbate. You’ll be shocked until your brain responds to the negative stimuli.”
Oh my God.
My head moves on its own accord, shaking fiercely from side to side. “No,” I blurt out. “No way.” I am not masturbating in front of him!
“Lily, your parents hired me specifically,” he explains. “This is what works. You need to condition your mind to recognize masturbation as a bad impulse.”
My parents are my weakness. I have vocalized that I’d do anything to fix what I’ve done. But how far am I willing to go?
“Is there anything else I can do today?” I ask.
He mulls this over, fingers by his temple in thought. “I suppose we can try something else,” he says to my relief.
Dr. Evans stands and walks to the front of his desk, he leans his butt on the edge, the remote still in one hand. The other falls to his zipper. Oh fuck. This is not the something else that I had in mind!
“What are you doing?” I croak, frozen in my chair.
“Whores like you are obsessed with male genitalia. You’re going to look at it, touch it, suck it and I’ll shock you until you’re nice and normal.”
“No.”
Rose found my perfect therapist, Dr. Banning, after meeting with horrible ones. And I wonder if she had to put up with situations like this for me, just so I would avoid it. I know she did. I know because I remember the look Connor and her shared when they were discussing therapists they visited together.
Dr. Evans is already tugging down his silver zipper, and his dick emerges from his khaki pants. My hands shoot to my eyes as the familiar buzzzz pulses in my skin.
I’m not looking. I’m not looking. I’m not here. Not really.
The room quiets, and I think maybe I’ve won.
And then I feel it. On my leg.
I jump up like my entire body has been electrocuted this time. The shock box falls to the floor, ripping out the wires that connect to the electrodes on my arm. I stumble back, my eyes bugging. Dr. Evans closes the distance between us, right in front of me. I refuse to drop my gaze to his dangling penis.
“Get away from me,” I sneer. I’m not about to fall to my knees with my tongue lagging out of my mouth. I’m not the same girl who’d fuck everything away for a quick high. I’m stronger. Even without Lo. I know that now.
Dr. Evans shoos my threats, and he grabs my wrists. His mouth finds my ear. “You will sit down and comply, or I’ll tell your parents just how much of a whore you really are.”
Tell them, is my first thought. I won’t sacrifice my own pride, my own dignity for them. Nothing in the world is worth the shame that I will feel from this. Nothing.
I stare right back and all my hate and resentment towards everyone that has vilified me as a slut or whore rumbles up in two words. “Fuck you.”
His grip tightens and I realize how small I am compared to him, compared to any man. I might as well be a bag of bones. I take a deep breath and scream, “GARTH!”
Dr. Evans presses a hand over my mouth and his other hand starts descending to my shorts. “If you won’t do it yourself, I’ll have to do it for you.”
I fight back and struggle against his hold, trying to bite and kick, but he ends up pinning me back into the seat. His hand rests in between my legs, pressing the spot over my pants. I can’t stop screaming against his palm.
The door whooshes open and before he can do anything else, my bodyguard bounds over and throws him back against his desk. I shake like a trembling leaf, but I’m on my feet and in one piece. Garth jostles Dr. Evans like a stuffed doll. He looks ready to annihilate the man, so I’m surprised when he releases his grip. “You’ll be hearing from Greg Calloway’s lawyers. I’d advise you to pack up your office today.”
Garth turns to me and gives me a sympathetic, almost apologetic, look. I’m just glad he was here. Lo was right about the bodyguard.
He ushers me out of the room, and I glance back for one last image of my evil therapist. My heart does not slow down just yet. I think…I think I’m in shock a little bit. I can’t close my eyes or blink.