When we’re done, he pulls his jeans up to his waist and buttons them while I try to find my panties around my ankles.
“You okay?” Lo asks, brushing my sweaty hair off my face.
“I think so.” Why did I have sex here? Everything I just did surges into my head and my heart, and I inhale weighted breaths. Why did I do this? What is wrong with me?!
When we exit, he washes his hands, and then leads me out. Luckily, the show hasn’t started, but the room fills to the brim.
I slip into a front row seat beside Connor, avoiding Ryke.
“I should go see Rose,” I say.
“There’s no time.” Connor glances at his Rolex. “The show will start in fifteen minutes.”
“Oh.”
I try to blink away the guilt that knots my stomach. My hands shake, and Lo reaches over and clasps them. I spot the worry in his eyes, but I try not to hold onto it. I’m okay. Everything is going to be fine.
I look up and see Poppy walking down the aisle with a wide grin and Sam on her arm. My stomach does a full summersault. They scoot in and she comes over to greet me, kissing me on the cheek. “There are so many people here!” she exclaims. “Rose should be so proud.”
“Where’s Mom?” I ask, my heart pounding to the fast-paced rhythm of the music.
“She’s coming. Dad was on the phone, so they stopped outside for a second.” She glances at Connor and Ryke. “Who are your friends? Oh, is this Charlie?” She focuses on Ryke who wears a confused expression.
“No, Charlie moved,” I lie. “This is Ryke. He’s a friend from Penn, and that’s Connor Cobalt.”
Poppy momentarily forgets Ryke as Connor rises to shake her hand and then Sam’s. “It’s nice to meet you both.” His good looks and words have officially hypnotized Poppy. She nods while he talks about Fizzle to Sam, trying to bring up familiar conversation. I can’t tell if this is Connor’s normal bout of schmoozing or if he’s adding on the extra charm to embed himself further in Rose’s good graces.
When Poppy detaches herself from Connor Cobalt’s magnetic hold, she whispers to me. “This is the boy Rose is seeing?”
“Yep.”
Poppy smiles. “She did well.”
“Yeah, but she probably thinks she can do better.”
Poppy laughs and then touches my arm. “We’re sitting a few seats from yours. I’ll see you after the show.” She hesitates. “And Lily, I’m glad to finally meet your friends.”
I smile, but it hurts. Because deep down, these friends may as well be bought and paid for.
Poppy and Sam go find their seats, and I settle in mine with a weight heavy on my chest. The only thing that takes my mind off of it is sex. And once I start focusing on photographers, especially the scruffy one in the corner, my body starts to switch again.
I’ve trained myself to self-medicate with sex for so long that stopping seems so unfeasible, like trying to break a high-speed train before it crashes into a cement wall. So I’ll crash. I’ll splinter and break. But it’ll feel damn good going two hundred miles an hour beforehand.
That’s all I concentrate on. The thrill, the high and endorphins from rocking against another body. Any body. Hopefully Lo. No other thoughts enter my mind and my knees practically bounce in earnest hunger.
People dip into their chairs as the time ticks by, and I can faintly hear Ryke asking Lo about Daisy’s modeling career. I don’t hear the answer, too fixated on the way the photographer holds his camera. His muscles flex and I imagine him holding me instead. Stop.
I inwardly groan and rub my sweaty palms on my jeans. I’m a junkie who needs another hit, and I hate that the quickie in the bathroom didn’t satiate me. I’ve already fucked up. How angry will Rose be at me for not going backstage? Stop.
I don’t want to think about that.
The lights dim. “Lo,” I breathe. “Lo, I need to…” I can’t say it, but the tone of my voice speaks for me.
“The show is about to start, Lil,” he whispers. “You have to hold out.”
I don’t know if I can. I squirm in my seat, battling the cravings for my favorite natural high.
And then my parents start to enter. Ryke rises and stretches his arms. “Hey, I’m going to go to the bathroom before the show starts.” He’s going to the bathrooms where I want to go. Lo’s brows bunch, staring at him until he disappears.
I cross my legs, sweat gathering on my skin. I can’t do this. I need someone…I need to relieve this…I stand.