‘What?’
I had to tell him. ‘Say, on one of your work trips, if you met someone and liked her, I don’t think you’d agonize too much about me before sleeping with her. And I think you’d ’fess up – not to hurt me, but because …’ I swallowed hard because it was a horrible thought. ‘“We’re all adults here.”’
‘You’re wrong.’ To my surprise, Quin sounded angry. ‘How do you know I haven’t met people – and walked away from a situation?’
‘Have you?’
‘Yeah. Couple of times.’ His eyes bright, he glared. ‘Rachel, you’ve hurt me.’
‘I’m sorry.’ This – his upset – was unexpected.
‘I make it my business to not hurt you. But this … thing of me being a shagger, it’s handy. You can commit some of yourself to me, but it means you don’t have to go the whole way. You’re saying you’re with me because we don’t have the potential to be serious. That’s pretty damning, Rachel.’
‘I’m sorry.’ I meant it. ‘I had it wrong. You’re different now. I just need … to let my feelings catch up with the facts.’
Since then, my attachment to Quin had become steadier and deeper.
However, he wasn’t available tonight, so I went to a meeting, my regular Monday night anchor group, and it helped. When I got home, though, I was shattered and I fell in the door, rummaging in the kitchen for something easy for my dinner.
Not for the first time, I wished my address existed on a Deliveroo map.
Kate was out, I’d no idea where. She and I didn’t keep tabs on each other – I wasn’t her parent and didn’t want to act like one – but the news about Devin had changed that. Was she with him now? What if – as Helen had suggested – this became serious and they decided to get married? I’d have to see Luke at the wedding. If only I hadn’t brought her to the funeral …
A box of Raisin Bran turned up in the cupboard – but there was no milk in the fridge. No problem! I curled on the couch, eating handfuls of it straight out of the box and opened up my iPad, clicking here and there, looking for lovely feels.
I dropped in on Luxury Exchange to say hello to ‘my’ Chanel shoulder bag. After gazing at it lovingly, it hit me that, sooner or later, someone would buy it – someone with more money than me, or even less restraint. One day, I’d click and click and there would be no sign of it. No details on who had bought it, whether they deserved it, if they’d get as much happiness from it as I would have. Just … gone.
Crunchie gave a warning bark and the doorbell rang – local kids looking to be sponsored for something or other, no doubt. Not a week went by without them shaking me down for cash. I grabbed my purse, keen to hand over the money quickfast, then swung the door open – and standing outside was Luke.
Shock wiped me blank.
In my head he’d already gone back to wherever he lived these days. So to find him outside my house, the drizzle beading his silky hair and the shoulders of his dark overcoat, was simply too strange.
‘Can I come in?’
In an obedient daze, I stood aside, making room for him to step into the hall.
Crunchie skittered around, her claws clicking, sniffing at him.
Why was he here? Maybe he’d come to apologize …？
I pointed towards the living room.
‘My shoes okay in the house?’ he asked.
I looked down at his boots. ‘Yes, no, fine. Go on.’ Christ, who cared?
I followed him in and indicated the couch. ‘Sit down. Can I take your coat?’
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat and remained standing. ‘This won’t take long.’
He didn’t seem terribly friendly. Two grim lines ran from the corners of his nose to the edges of his mouth. They hadn’t been so visible in the church.
Well, he’d got older, so had I.
‘What can I … Why are you here?’
‘Devin and Kate?’ Suddenly he was animated. ‘What the hell? Did you put her up to it?’
Anger. That was the emotion he was giving off, I recognized it now.
‘Put her up to what?’
‘Getting into something with a man who just happens to be my nephew.’
Wounded, I stuttered, ‘I only found out last night, I wasn’t happy either.’
Angry and silent, he stared at me, breathing hard.
‘Why would I, quote, “put her up to it”？’
‘To get back at me.’