His hostility was shocking.
‘I wouldn’t do that.’ My voice was small and confused. ‘But what’s it to you? They’re both adults, they can do whatever they like.’
‘Can you imagine how I felt when I walked into Justin’s house and there, sitting at the kitchen table, was your niece. What if she fucks him over?’
‘She wouldn’t, she’s an absolute sweetheart! What if he fucks her over? That’s far more likely, if he’s anything like you.’ His pupils flared with shock – oh yes, I’d gone there. ‘Either way.’ I heaved in a breath and tried to calm down. ‘Either way, it’s none of our business. They might not last five minutes. And you don’t even live here.’
‘I’ll probably be here for a few more weeks.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Dad’s not well. Mum was his carer but she’s … So I’m here until we find someone else … He’s narky, hard to please … Well, we’ll see how it goes.’
Despite everything, I felt for him. ‘I’m sorry. About your dad. And your mum.’
‘Yeah, well.’ He sighed heavily. ‘It never rains but it fucking well pours.’
For an uncomfortable moment, his dark eyes searched mine; then, with a swirl of his coat, he turned and left the room. The front door opened and shut. Moments later an engine started up outside and roared away.
Trembling, I had to sit. You’ll be okay. Not just yet, but you’ll be grand. Time just needs to pass, that’s all.
It would be good if I spoke to someone, but who? Nola? Quin? Brigit? Claire?
Not Quin, he was busy. Claire? No, she was too bossy. Brigit? She’d be in bed by now. Nola, then. I reached for my phone, then realized I’d put it on airplane during my NA meeting and forgotten to switch it back. As soon as it reconnected, two, three … no, four missed calls popped up from Kate, trying to warn me that Luke was on his way.
Feeling light-headed and speedy, there was a real chance I might vomit. I was probably in shock. It was never going to be easy, meeting him after so much time. But experience had taught me to wait it out.
A sharp bark from Crunchie made me jump, then Kate hurtled into the room, looking horrified. ‘Rachel? You okay? Did Luke come here?’
‘… What happened?’
‘Devin and I were at his mum and dad’s. Luke came in, met me …’ Helplessly she spread her hands. ‘Went ballistic.’ She was on the edge of tears. ‘Asking why I was there. Devin explained but Luke didn’t believe him. Made me tell him our – your – address, then grabbed the keys to Justin’s bike and, like, just left, leaving Kallie behind with us.’
‘Kallie?’
‘Luke’s girlfriend, partner.’
‘She’s still here?’
‘Yeah. I tried to call,’ Kate said. ‘But your phone was off. So I said I was leaving, hoping I’d be fast enough to get here before Luke, but Devin’s dad said it would be good if you guys talked? Was it?’ she asked, delicately. ‘Good to talk?’
My thoughts lurched and heaved alarmingly. Nothing was solid. ‘What’s she like?’ I blurted.
‘Kallie?’ Kate looked dismayed. ‘I barely met her. She’s, ah … Rachel, are you sure you want to do this? Okay. Well, she seems cool. It was so awkward when he left and she tried to joke about it. “So you meet a guy and he says he doesn’t do complicated.” They live in Denver. She’s … fortyish, I guess? But cool. Like you,’ she added brightly.
There was so much more I wanted to ask, but I said, ‘I’m fine, Kate, don’t worry. C’m’ere.’ I pulled her into a tight hug, then she went off about her business.
I rang Nola and brought her up to date. ‘There are too many feelings in me,’ I said. ‘Every one of them horrible.’
‘The only question is,’ she said. ‘Are you going to take something?’
‘I haven’t got anything to take! Sorry. No. Of course it’s a no.’
‘Then you’ll be fine. All part of the process, just some more emotional and spiritual growth for you!’
She made it sound like a good thing, like I’d won a small prize. ‘And when I’ve emerged from the growing I’ll be … what? Stronger? More resilient?’
‘Time will tell.’
‘But it hurts. Will the Luke stuff never not hurt?’
‘Shur, how would I know, girl? Golden Key it.’