He turns toward me, his gaze torn. “I’m not giving up on you, Alanna. I don’t give a fuck that you’re with my brother. It won’t take you long to see him for the psychopath he is, and when you finally see through him, I’m going to be there for you. I know I fucked up, and now that you have too, we might actually be able to move past this. I’ll wait for you.”
Silas’s grip on me tightens, and he pulls me away from Ryan, his body tense as he leads me to the car. “Are you okay?” I ask as he gets in beside me.
Silas shakes his head, his hands draped over the steering wheel. “I didn’t think… I thought… I didn’t want to hurt him. Contrary to what he might think, I do care about my little brother. I’ve done my best to protect him and shield him, but all I’ve done is make him misunderstand me, and it’s too late to make amends now.”
I place my hand on his thigh and inhale deeply. “Do you regret it? Us?”
He turns toward me and shakes his head. “Never. I meant what I said, Alanna. I love you. I will always love you. It might take a while, but we’ll get through this.”
I smile at him. “I love you too, Silas.”
He nods as he starts the car. “I know. Our love can withstand more than you could possibly imagine, Alanna. We’ll get through this too.”
I hope so. I’m terrified he’ll end up blaming me for the ruined relationship between Ryan and him. I’m scared Ryan is right, and Silas will eventually tire of me. I’m utterly, entirely, totally, terrified that I’m not enough to make the pain worth it.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Alanna
“These accounts need to be looked at in more detail,” Jessica says, her expression sour. It’s clear she doesn’t want to speak to me, but she can’t avoid me within our team.
I hate that I’m making her so uncomfortable. Pretending to be unaffected as our colleagues judge us has been an endless battle. They might not say anything in Silas’s presence, but the scathing looks are hard to avoid. The office has been tense lately, each of us doing our job, but without any of the camaraderie that used to exist. Our decision to be together hasn’t just affected Ryan, Silas, and me. It’s also impacted so many people around us.
“I’ve got it,” I tell her, nodding politely. She grimaces as she walks away, almost as though there’s more she wants to say. I’m not sure we’ll ever get past this. Her impression of me has changed entirely, and Josh’s constant snarky remarks about how he’s been right about me all along are only reinforcing her sinking opinion of me.
I straighten my back as I look through the hundreds of social media accounts that have been flagged as suspected foreign interference. Since most companies pride themselves on protecting free speech, removing these becomes our job. We’re tasked with hacking accounts to make users lose access, without the platforms having to pull accounts. The backdoors these social media companies leave us, specifically to help us access their systems, are an open secret. Unfortunately, this is all still tedious work. Remove the wrong account, and you’ll have media articles throwing blame around, and suspicion will fall on us eventually.
I bite down on my lip as I try to work as fast as I can, fueled by a renewed urge to prove myself. It was bad enough when I started, with everyone accusing me of entering the company through Ryan, but it’s undoubtedly worse now.
“Hey.”
I look up to find Silas standing by my desk, the office otherwise deserted. How long have I been working? Normally I’d at least have heard people telling each other goodbye, but not today. Then again, they might just have left quietly. Silas and I managed to lose the respect of every single team member, though some are more vocal about it than others.
“Si,” I whisper. I walk up to him and slide my hands up his chest and around his neck slowly. This is something I could never do before, and I’m enjoying the feeling of truly being Silas’s girlfriend. Though it came at a cost, the freedom we gained will eventually be worth it.
I take in the dark circles underneath his eyes, my heart aching for him. Silas hasn’t been himself ever since Ryan found out about us. He might not say it, but he’s hurting. We both are. Everything Ryan said to him must still be resounding through his mind. I know he never meant to hurt Ryan. Silas isn’t that kind of person.
“Are you okay?”
He looks into my eyes and wraps his arms around my waist. “I’m not sure.”
I nod. “Yeah, me neither. It’s been strange, because I’m so happy with you, but there isn’t a single person that’s happy for us. It makes me wonder if we’re truly doing something unacceptable. How could a love that feels so right be wrong?”