Silas stares at me from the doorway to his office, an unreadable expression on his face. I’m worried he was notified of my attempts to breach the system. This could be a fireable offence, but I’m certain I hid my tracks as best as I could.
“Can you come here for a minute? There’s something I need to discuss with you.”
I nod and rise to my feet slowly, my heart pounding wildly. With the way he loves her, there’s no way he’ll forgive me for looking into her. I have a lot of faith in my relationship with Silas, but not when it comes to Ray.
I follow Silas into his office, barely able to contain my nerves. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never loved someone so much that my fear of losing him outweighs the pain of knowing I’m not the woman he truly loves.
Silas turns toward me the moment the door closes behind me, his gaze tender as he cups my cheek. “What were you doing, trying to access restricted files?”
My eyes widen, and I try my hardest to formulate an excuse, but I can’t. I can’t look him in the eye and lie to him. “Project Sunshine,” I tell him. “It’s about Ray, isn’t it? Ray of sunshine.”
“Alanna,” he murmurs. “I already told you that Ray is just a nickname for you. There’s no one else. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”
I place my hand over his, my heart breaking. “I know you’re lying to me,” I whisper. “You’ve been whispering the name Ray in your sleep for months now. Ryan told me about her long before yesterday. Who is she, Silas?”
His eyes fall closed, and he inhales shakily. “Alanna,” he whispers. “Please.”
I clutch his suit jacket, desperation clawing at me. “Who is she?” I ask again.
“You,” he murmurs. “It’s you.”
Tears gather in my eyes, and I try my hardest to blink them away. “How can you look at me and lie to me with such conviction? Maybe you’re just like your brother, after all.”
Silas grabs my shoulders and shakes his head. “Oh baby,” he whispers. “I don’t know how to make you understand, but I swear to you, there’s no other woman. There really isn’t. You’re the one for me, my one and only. You always have been.”
I look away and swallow down my grief. “So you won’t tell me then?”
Silas looks pained, his expression torn. “There’s nothing to tell. There’s no one else.”
“Then give me access to Project Sunshine.”
He buries his hands in my hair, his eyes shimmering with a combination of remorse and desperation. “I can’t do that. It’s a confidential file, and I can’t give you access based on our personal relationship. I have to keep work strictly professional.”
“That’s an easy excuse for you, isn’t it?”
He drops his forehead to mine and inhales shakily. “I know what you’re thinking, my love, but please trust me. Trust in us. Can you do that for me?”
I pull away to look at him, unsure what to say. What would happen if one day she walks back into his life? He’s asking me for his trust, but can I truly trust him to choose me if it comes down to it? “It’s fine if you won’t tell me who she is, Silas,” I end up saying. “I won’t pry into your past any further, but I need you to leave her there. I don’t want her name on your lips, not even in your sleep. Not ever.”
The way he smiles at me can only be described as bittersweet. He’s right. Everything between us is bittersweet. “Okay,” he whispers. “I promise, Alanna.”
My shoulders slump in relief, and I nod at him. “I’m going to make you forget all about her, Si. I don’t care who she is or what she meant to you. She’s your past, but I am your future, you hear me?”
He smiles at me, and the hint of amusement I see in his eyes makes me wonder if he isn’t taking my words seriously, but then he nods, his expression sincere. “You are my future, Alanna.”
I’ll let Ray have his past, so long as everything else is mine.
Chapter Seventy
Alanna
The slight drizzle distracts me enough for me to miss Ryan standing outside of the office at lunchtime, his gaze on me. Our eyes meet, and I freeze. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks. He’s been avoiding both Silas and me, and I don’t blame him.
He walks over to me with an umbrella in his hand and holds it over me, shielding me from the rain. “Alanna,” he murmurs.
“Ryan.” My voice is tinged with regret, so much standing between us now that the distance can never be breached.