Ryan’s eyes widen, a hint of confusion flashing through them. As expected, whatever it is Mona has been telling him isn’t true.
“The only reason I’m telling you this is because I need you to stop. There’s only so much I can overlook, and you’re hurting her. You’re messing with her memories and the sense of security I’ve fought to give her. I’m not using her, and I never approached her with ulterior motives. I didn’t take her from you, Ryan. She’s always been mine.”
Ryan stares at me for a moment, as though he’s trying to assess the truthfulness of my words, and I stand in silence as he tries to make up his mind.
“Ryan,” I say, my voice soft. “She is Ray. She’s the girl I’ve mentioned before, the love of my life, the one who got away. When we were younger, I nicknamed her Ray, because she’s my ray of sunshine. It’s always been her.”
I run a hand through my hair and stare up at the ceiling. “Do you have any idea how it killed me to watch her with you? You think you’re in pain, but take a moment to consider what it must have been like for me. I spent years searching for her, only to find her in your arms. My younger brother, the very same one I vowed to protect, with the love of my life. Do you have any idea why she was interested in you in the first place?”
Ryan shakes his head, and I smile bitterly. “Your eyes. We both have Dad’s unique green eyes. She recognized them but couldn’t understand why. The only reason I’ve stayed silent was because she left you willingly, and I didn’t want to force her to be with me through knowledge of our past. I wanted to win her over fair and square, all over again. And I did. She came back to me, and that’s all that mattered to me. I didn’t want to burden you with knowledge of our past, and I didn’t want to risk you telling her that she and I have history together, because there’s a good reason she still hasn’t regained her memory. Her past is filled with pain, Ryan. Recovering her memories will wreck her, and I won’t put her through that for my own selfish desires.”
He stares at me as though he’s struggling to comprehend what I’m telling him, and I pray I’m getting through to him. I once vowed to protect him, to take care of him in my father’s stead, but I’m at the end of my tether. I can’t do this much longer. I can’t keep destroying myself in an attempt to keep the promise I made my father. “You meeting Alanna wasn’t a coincidence,” I tell him. “But then you know that, don’t you? Your mother never does anything without reason. You told me you met Alanna when your mother took you to volunteer at the beach, but is that something she’s ever done before? Didn’t she specifically point out Alanna as a way to get into my good graces? Why do you think that is?”
Ryan looks away, closing up at the mention of his mother. He’s blind to her shortcomings, and nothing I do or say will ever change that. He feels protective of her, but he doesn’t realize the love he has for her is what’s slowly destroying him.
“There’s nothing I can do or say that will make you understand why your mother and I don’t get along, but you aren’t stupid, Ryan. Surely you can see you’re being manipulated? I don’t know what she’s telling you, but look at the photo in your hands. Does it look like Alanna feared me? If you’re doing this to protect her, then stop. All you’re accomplishing is hurting her, and some of the damage may be irreparable. Some of her memories could be distorted and lost forever.”
“I’m not just doing it to protect her, Silas. I don’t give a fuck about your history with her. It doesn’t matter, because she can’t remember it, anyway. As far as she knows, I’m her first kiss. I’m the first person she slept with. I’m her first boyfriend. With you out of the way, who do you think she’ll want to lean on?”
I smile humorlessly. “You won’t win her back this way. You can’t keep up the lies you’re telling her. What do you think she’ll do once she realizes you’re lying to her all over again?”
He looks away, the desperation in his eyes hitting me hard. He knows he won’t get away with his lies, but it’s worth it to him so long as he doesn’t have to see her with me.
“What is it going to take for you to stay away from her?” I ask, my tone defeated.
Ryan glances at me, a calculative look in his eyes. “What is she worth?”
I look away, my heart heavy. “Everything.”