He grits his teeth and nods.
“Why did you lie to me? When I asked you if we knew each other before I lost my memories, why did you lie?”
Silas runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Because amnesia is tricky. If I tell you about your past, it’ll distort your memories, and you might never regain them. Besides, you seem happy now, and the past mostly holds pain. Why would I want that for you? If your brain decided that you’re better off without those memories, who I am to then force you to remember something that might harm you? Alanna, every time you even try to recall your memories, you suffer from blinding headaches and nausea. Nothing good comes from trying to remember.”
“That’s a convenient excuse.”
“It’s the truth.”
“The truth… something that should be factual but seems increasingly subjective. Tell me, Silas. Were you the reason I was evicted?”
He looks into my eyes and crosses his arms. “No.”
“Is that the truth?”
“It is.”
“Then why did you take out 10k on the day I was evicted?”
“I didn’t. Ryan did.”
I laugh humorlessly. “I can’t trust either of you. You just keep throwing blame around. I can’t even ask you about our past because I can’t trust you to tell me the full truth. All I know for now is that you’ve been lying to me every step of the way. I don’t trust you. I can’t tell whether your intentions toward me are pure, or if anything we had was real at all. I can’t tell if you’re playing some type of sick game, and it scares me. You scare me, Silas.”
“Alanna—”
I hold my hand up and shake my head. “No. I can’t do this. You knew about my past. You saw me struggling to remember, and you still didn’t say a word. Would you really do that if you are the man I see in my dreams? If that were the case, wouldn’t you want me to remember you?”
“It’s not that simple, Alanna. I was trying to protect you.”
“From what? Because from where I’m standing, the one I need protecting from is you.”
I shake my head and turn to walk out of his office. “I can’t do this, Silas. I need some space and time to think. I don’t know what to believe, but I do know I don’t believe you.”
Chapter Seventy-Three
Silas
I unlock the door to the apartment I bought for my brother and walk in uninvited. The smile on his face tells me he was expecting me. Ryan leans back on the sofa, his arms wide. “Took you longer than I expected.”
I look into his eyes, seeing more of his mother in them with each passing day. For years I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, telling myself he’s a victim in the battle between his mother and me, but in reality I failed to realize that my attempts to protect him instead gave him the ammunition he hurt me with.
“Do you love her?” I ask, my voice soft. “Have you ever loved her?”
The smile melts off his face, and he nods. “Yes. I admit that I wasn’t planning on falling for her, but I did. I fell hard, and by the time I realized it, it was too late.”
“Then why do you continue to hurt her? Why are you messing with her memories? Isn’t it enough for you to see her happy?”
“It wasn’t enough for you,” he says. “So why would it be enough for me?”
I shake my head. “It would have been. If she’d truly been happy with you, I’d have left her alone. We both know she wasn’t. She was content with you, but she wasn’t happy. You know that as well as I do.”
Ryan rises to his feet and clenches his jaw. “That’s bullshit. If not for you, I’d have won her back and made her happy.”
“So, what? If you can’t have her, she can’t be happy at all?”
Ryan looks away. “Not with you, Silas. Not after the way you’ve been lying to her. I know what you’ve done. I know she got hurt because of you.”
“No,” I tell him. “You don’t. You think you know what happened between the two of us, but you weren’t there, so where are you getting your information from? Where are you hearing the lies that you’re whispering into Alanna’s ears?” His eyes flicker with a hint of uncertainty, and I sigh. “I read the report you sent to Alanna, and none of it is true. I don’t know where you got that information, but someone has been lying to you.”
I run a hand through my hair and inhale deeply as I take my wallet out of my pocket and carefully take out an old photo of Alanna and me. “Here,” I murmur as I hand it to him. I’m kissing Alanna’s cheek in that photo, the two of us so young and so clearly in love. “Alanna is the only woman I’ve ever loved, and contrary to what you seem to think, she loved me too. She might not remember me, but she still dreams of me.”