“Silas.”
Fuck. It’s been so long since I last heard her say my name, and never before has she said it with such need. I doubt she even realizes that her voice betrays her.
“Come with me.”
She shakes her head and looks away, refusing to face me.
“That wasn’t a request, Alanna.”
She crosses her arms, and I pull my hand back.
“Last I checked, I was still the House Manager. You know the rules as well as I do. You will follow me.”
She looks at me then, her eyes flashing. “Last I checked, you had no right to abuse your authority.”
The edges of my lips turn up into a reluctant smile that I instantly suppress. “Alanna,” I murmur, my tone softer. I reach for her hand, entwining it with mine before I pull her along. Thankfully, she doesn’t resist.
I lead her to my room, my heart uneasy. I haven’t heard from her in weeks, and it hurts that she never thought to rely on me, to at least inform me of what she was going through. Part of me is angry with her, but a larger part of me is just relieved to see her again.
I push my bedroom door open and lead her in. The moment the door closes behind us, I pull on our entwined hands, pulling her closer until I’ve got her in my embrace. She looks up at me, her eyes filled with devastating pain that I wish I could take away.
“Where were you?”
She looks away and shakes her head.
“Why didn’t you at least call me? Do you have any idea how worried I was?”
She pushes against my chest, and I take a step away, releasing her. I run a hand through my hair, unsure what to do or say. I’ve been in her situation before, and I get it. I get that she doesn’t want to talk, that she closed herself off to the world as it came crashing down on her, but fuck. It fucking hurts. It hurts that I wasn’t the person she reached out to, the one she let in, the one that held her together when her heart was breaking.
I turn away from her and stare up at the ceiling for a moment, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm my racing heart. “Sleep here tonight,” I tell her, my voice betraying the defeat I feel. “You can have my bed. I’ll take your spot in the sleeping hall.”
“No, Silas. You said you’d never spend another night there. I won’t be the reason you break that promise to yourself.”
I turn back to face her and sigh. “Alanna,” I whisper. “Take the bed. You aren’t putting yourself in a dangerous situation on my watch, you hear me? You aren’t walking back into that hall tonight.”
She looks up at me, her expression disarmed. “Neither are you.” Alanna looks past me, her gaze lingering on my bed. “There’s enough room for us both.”
My eyes widen, and my first instinct is to argue with her, but this is a battle I know I can’t win. She won’t stay here if I don’t. Her pride won’t allow her to. “Fine.”
Her shoulders sag in relief, and her eyes fall closed for a moment. I watch her every movement, still in disbelief that she’s standing here with me tonight.
“There’s a small bathroom through that door. It isn’t much, but it’s private. I’ve got a spare towel for you.”
She nods and smiles at me, her expression showcasing her exhaustion. “Thank you, Silas.” Her voice trembles, a hint of shame in it that goes straight to my heart. Everything about tonight kills me. I get that I’m the last person she wants to show this side of her to, but I really wish she would. I wish she’d rely on me.
“Go on,” I murmur, handing her a towel. I place my palm on her lower back and push her toward my tiny bathroom. She glances back at me once before disappearing through the door, and I sink down on my bed, my thoughts reeling.
This is the very last thing I expected. What is she doing here? What the fuck happened for her to end up here? Though I try my hardest, I can’t escape the way my heart aches at the thought of her finding herself all alone, with nowhere to go but this shelter. I vividly remember the day I first walked into this building, and it isn’t an experience I’d wish on anyone. I’d give the world to ensure it never happened to her.
I straighten when Alanna walks out wearing leggings and a loose t-shirt, her cheeks rosy. She pauses halfway and looks up at me, her insecurity shining through. “Let’s go to bed,” I murmur, knowing she won’t want to talk. It must be awkward enough for her as it is. I won’t make it worse, even though I desperately need answers.
I fold my bed covers over and tip my head toward the bed. My bed is pressed against the wall, and though it’s a queen-size, I barely fit in it by myself. It’ll be a squeeze with both of us in here.