He looks at me, his gaze intense. “You’re far from a little girl now, aren’t you, sweet girl?”
I nod, heat rushing to my cheeks. “Yeah,” I whisper.
Silas reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers before raising our joined hands to his chest. “I never considered you needy, Alanna. You have never been a burden to me. You’re my guiding light, my ray of sunshine on days where the darkness feels inescapable. I’m worried about you, baby.”
The pain in his eyes hits me right in my beaten, battered heart. He isn’t pitying me. He’s asking me for consolation. “Si,” I whisper. I need this as badly as he does, but I’m not sure I can say the words. I’ve been living in denial even as I deal with the consequences of my father’s choices. I suppose that is part of the reason I avoided talking to Silas, because he’d ask me what happened, and I wouldn’t be able to tell him anything but the full truth. “My father arranged his own assassination so he could commit insurance fraud for my benefit,” I tell him, the words tumbling out of my mouth in one swift gush of courage. “He might not have fired that gun, but he took his own life, just like my mother did.”
Hot tears fill my eyes, and though I try to blink them away angrily, they run down my cheeks nonetheless. I can’t look at Silas, scared of the disgust or horror I might see in his eyes. What my father did was horrible, yet I can’t be mad at him, not truly.
Silas pulls me closer, wrapping me in a tight embrace, and I fall apart in his strong arms. Loud, painful sobs tear through my throat as I burst into tears. “I… I don’t k-know what to do,” I sob, my entire body shaking with the force of my grief.
Silas tightens his grip on me and buries one hand in my hair, pressing my face deeper into his neck as he holds me tightly. “Ray,” he whispers, his voice sounding as broken as mine. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? You’re going to be okay.”
He strokes my back soothingly, keeping the broken pieces of me together as I fall apart in his arms. “I won’t,” I whisper. “I won’t ever be okay again.”
He squeezes me tightly and shakes his head. “One step at a time, my love. We’re going to move forward one step at a time, until someday, you look back in surprise at how far you’ve come. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. You and I, Alanna. We’re going to make it. We’re going to defy the odds.” He tightens his grip on my hair and pulls away a little to look at me. “You might feel like you’re all alone, and like you’ve lost everything, but you haven’t, Alanna. You’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I look into his eyes, taking in the fierce determination, the affection, and a tiny fraction of my broken heart starts to beat again.
“I promise, Alanna. We’ll get through this together, okay?”
I nod. Silas is the last person I wanted to burden with my problems, but he’s the one person I need most. I just hope I don’t drag him down with me.
Chapter Eighteen
Silas
I lean against the doorway as I watch Alanna wash a huge stack of dishes. She’s been trying to make herself useful all morning, a hint of discomfort and fear in her demeanor. I know exactly how she feels. I still remember how I felt when I lost the sense of safety and comfort a home gives you.
“Alanna.”
She turns around and turns off the tap before pulling her gloves off. “Silas?”
“Follow me.”
She freezes and nods slowly as she walks toward me. Ricardo tasked me with Alanna’s intake process, and part of that includes discussing her future with her. We require all of our long-term residents to have a feasible plan to get back on their feet, so whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to ask Alanna what exactly happened, and how she’s going to escape this place. I hate having to ask this of her, because it’s clear she’s not ready to talk, but I have no choice. Ricardo won’t allow her to stay another night if she doesn’t comply with our terms.
I close the door to our small office behind her and gesture toward the seat opposite the desk Ricardo and I share. She seems nervous, and I can’t shake the dread I feel as I take my seat.
“Si,” she murmurs. “I know what you need to ask me, and it’s okay. I’ll tell you everything.”
I exhale in relief and sit back as she gathers her courage. Alanna knows our procedures as well as I do, and I’m grateful for it.
My heart breaks as she tells me about everything she tried to keep from me. The insurance company, the debt, the eviction notices, the repossession of her house and the sale of her father’s beloved truck. She’s been through so much in the last couple of weeks, and she did it all alone.