“Then stay,” I whisper. “Just stay with me, Alanna. Stop looking for a place to live, and just let me take care of you. I won’t lie and pretend I don’t want you, but I won’t actively pursue you if that’s not what you want. So just stay with me.”
“Aren’t you worried about hurting your brother? You and I… we barely know each other. What is it about me that makes it worth the risk? Ryan will never forgive you if he finds out. You’re his brother, Silas. That’s not a relationship you can just walk away from.”
I look into her eyes, trying to figure out the best way to answer her. “Alanna, all I know is that I feel like myself around you. You say that you aren’t sure why you gravitate toward me, and it’s the same for me. I don’t know why I want you so badly, why you make me smile like no one else ever has before, and I’m not sure why I want you in my space when I’ve always loved being alone, but I do.”
“I don’t get it,” she whispers. “Why me?”
I lean back in my seat, my eyes roaming over her face. I’ve missed her so fucking much. As the years passed, I wondered if I’d even want her as badly when I finally found her, if perhaps we’d find we’ve outgrown each other, but no. I still need her as much as I need the air that fills my lungs.
“Because you’re the only woman who’s ever made me smile when it feels like breathing is near impossible. You breathe live into my broken heart, mending my soul when I thought it was forsaken. You do something to me that no one else can, and I don’t know how or why, but I know I can’t get enough of it.”
Alanna bites down on her lip, her cheeks flaming. Sitting opposite me at the table, she’s never looked more beautiful.
“So stay,” I whisper. “Stay here with me.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Alanna
I look up from my desk when Silas walks in. He smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. All I’ve been able to think about all day is the way he looked when he asked me to stay. I’ve analyzed our situation countless times in my head, but he doesn’t stand to gain anything by being with me. He doesn’t seem to be lying about wanting me either, but I find it hard to believe he’d be willing to hurt Ryan over me. Unless he’s just after a secret fling? But if that’s the case, why would he want me to live with him?
I think back to the way he held me after I woke up from my dream. Every time I’m around him, I find myself doing things that are out of character for me. I’ve never sought out company after a dream like that, yet being in his arms made me happy. It set my restless heart at ease.
I can’t figure out what’s so different about Silas. Is it because I slept with him? Or is it the kindness he always shows me, despite his rough manner? I’m not sure what it is, but I feel safe and comfortable around him. It’s a feeling that’s eluded me ever since I woke up in the hospital five years ago. He makes me want to stay with him, even though I know better.
“Alanna?”
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the last voice I wanted to hear. “Ryan?”
“Can I speak to you, please?”
My colleagues are all staring at us, and I instantly feel awkward. “Sure,” I say, even though I don’t want to.
Ryan smiles, his expression portraying relief as he leads me down the hallway toward an empty meeting room. “You’ve been ignoring my calls ever since you sent me that breakup text, and you haven’t replied to any of my messages, either. I’ve been trying to get hold of you for weeks now. How long are you going to keep avoiding me? I even went to your house yesterday and was told you’d moved out. Where are you living now? I’m really worried about you.”
The concern in his voice sounds so real that I find myself second-guessing everything I heard that night. The way he looks at me can’t be fake, can it?
“You don’t need to worry about me.”
He reaches for my hand, and I pull away, crossing my arms defensively. “Alanna, what is going on? Can’t you see that you’re killing me by treating me this way? You broke up with me over text and never even told me why. What have I done to deserve this? Did the time we spent together mean nothing at all?”
I stare at him, startled by the sincerity in his voice. “I heard you talking about me at the party you threw that night. I came over to tell you about the job offer I’d received, and there you were, telling all your friends that you only dated me because it’d improve your image in front of your brother. You tell me, Ryan. Did the time we spent together mean nothing at all?”