His eyes widen, and he looks away as he runs a hand through his hair. “Alanna,” he says, his tone regretful. “I was drunk, and I didn’t mean a word. They’d been teasing me about being with you, because they think you’re a goody two-shoes, and instead of defending you like I should have, I came up with some garbage because I wanted to look cool and act aloof. I fucked up. I swear that I didn’t mean a word. I love you, Alanna. Why would I spend so many months with you if any of what I said was true? What about all our dates, our endless phone conversations? Do you really think I’d have put so much time and effort into a relationship that didn’t matter to me?”
I can’t tell if he’s lying to me or not. He looks and sounds so sincere that I feel stupid for breaking up with him and doing what I did, when I should have just confronted him. Instead of that, I seduced his older brother. There’s no going back from that. I can’t undo that night. I’m not even sure I want to.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It was just the push I needed to end a relationship that wasn’t working for either of us.”
“You can’t mean that.”
I look into his stunning green eyes. It’s his eyes that captivated me when we first met. One look, and I was a goner. Yet somehow, when I look into those very same eyes now, they just look like a diluted version of Silas’s eyes.
“I mean it. I feel like I don’t even know you, Ryan. Everything you said that night made me wonder how much of our relationship was even real.”
“Everything about it was real, Alanna. Just give me a chance to prove it. You can’t just expect me to accept this. We can’t break up and throw away months worth of memories over words spoken in a drunken stupor. Please, Alanna. You know me. You know the real me better than anyone else does. I know I’m a dick sometimes and I fuck up occasionally, but my heart is in the right place, and it only beats for you. It always has.”
I bite down on my lip, memories of the two of us flooding my mind. Most of the memories I’ve got are with him, and he’s right, it’s hard to walk away from that. But how could I possibly be with him when I slept with his brother behind his back? He’d never forgive me. If we were to get back together, we’d be on borrowed time. At some point, he’d find out, and that’d be the end of us. Besides… it isn’t him I see when I close my eyes now. It’s Silas.
“I can’t be with you,” I whisper.
“Why?” His voice breaks, true pain reflected in his eyes. “I love you, Alanna. There’s nothing you and I can’t get through together. Please, sweetheart. Give me a chance to prove to you that I’m better than the version of me you saw that night.”
I look away, suddenly uncertain. Even though I want to, I struggle to deny his request. “I don’t think you and I can be anything more than friends,” I murmur. “I just… I don’t see us getting back together. Our relationship wasn’t as happy as either of us pretended it was. We weren’t a good fit, and this incident was just what we needed to show us that.”
He shakes his head and takes a step closer. Ryan cups my cheek tenderly and sighs. “Give me a chance to prove you wrong, Alanna. After the months we spent together, don’t you owe me that much at least? At least give me a chance to mend our friendship. We were such good friends before. Even if you never want to get back together, surely our friendship is still salvageable?”
I bite down on my lip and nod against better judgement. “Maybe,” I whisper.
He leans in and presses a kiss against my cheek, startling me. “Thank you, sweetheart. You won’t regret this.”
I pull away from him and put some distance between us, his proximity making me uncomfortable. I thought I loved him, yet within the span of a few weeks, I can barely stand the sight of him. “Don’t misunderstand,” I warn him. “I think we can be friends, and I’m willing to work on that, but that’s all I’m willing to give you.”
He smiles and nods. “We started off as friends, Alanna. Remember? A chance is all I need.”
Ryan smirks and walks away, leaving me standing here wondering what just happened.
I walk out in a daze, annoyed with myself for agreeing to his request when I didn’t truly want to. Before I even reach my desk, Silas calls for me, his tone angry. “In my office. Now,” he barks.
I follow him in, jumping when he slams the door closed behind us. “What did Ryan want?” he asks, pacing in his office.