“You lied to me from the day we met.” The bleakness in his tone cut me. “Why did you tell me your parents were dead?”
“I didn’t! It was you who assumed it and I . . . I let you think that way. I had no idea how to correct you, not without more lies. I promised my mother I would keep this secret. I had to protect her. Can you imagine her punishment if your parents discovered her deception? If they learned she had concealed me, too? They would have sentenced her to torture or death, as they might have done today if I had not won the talisman. If I had not secured her safety before the court.” My words tumbled out harsher than intended. I was sorry to have deceived him and yet I had little choice in the matter, driven to this by his family.
“Why didn’t you tell me after we grew closer?” His eyes held mine, so dark and unyielding. “You are not who I believed you to be.”
His accusation stung, rousing my ire. “I’ve always told you the truth about me. It was just my parents whom I concealed, and I’ve told you why I did so. I was separated from my family; they are lost to me. Knowing the truth would have changed nothing, except endangering my mother. So, why does this matter? Why does it bother you so? Is it because they were mortal? Disgraced, for disobeying your father?” These words of mine were hateful, nor did they quite make sense. I knew him better than that. But riled now, I spoke without thinking, wanting to hurt as much as I was trying to explain.
He recoiled, glaring at me. “That means nothing to me. I just never thought you would lie. You accepted my trust and never yielded me yours.”
My anger dissipated. Though I wanted to deny it, there was truth in his words. I had been selfish, shuttering myself away, taking what he had to give. “I wanted to tell you, so many times, but I was scared. At first, I didn’t know what you might do. And later . . . I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“Xingyin, how could you ever think I might have harmed you? I would have helped you in any way I could.” He spoke more gently now.
“Liwei, I didn’t want to hide this from you. I was afraid of your parents finding out, afraid of what they might do—to my mother, to me, to you even, if you angered them. Do you think Their Celestial Majesties would have been inclined to mercy?” My lip curled in distaste.
His eyes narrowed. “Why come here if it brought you closer to those you despise? Were you seeking revenge? Was everything calculated to advance yourself?”
I did not look away; I was not ashamed of what I had done. “Not revenge. Not everything. Yes, I wanted the opportunity you offered, I wanted to better myself. Only the strong are favored in the Celestial Kingdom, only then might I get what I wanted. Can you blame me for seeking a new future after mine was snatched away? It didn’t occur to me, until I entered the palace, who your parents were. Even then, I never wanted to set you against them. I wanted to free my mother—more than anything—but only through my own efforts, as I did today. Never through harming you or yours.”
“More than anything?” he repeated, with a catch in his voice. “As it turned out, I was just a stepping-stone in your ambition. How well I served your needs when I urged my father to grant you his favor today.” He bent his head to mine, almost tenderly, and yet his words were steeped in bitterness. “Your gamble has paid off handsomely. Now you have what you wanted, First Archer—fame, respect, the Crimson Lion Talisman. Your mother’s freedom, almost within your grasp.”
“All I wanted was what was taken from me!” I snarled. “You have no idea what I went through. How my mother has suffered!” My temper snapped as my hand flew up to strike him.
He caught it in his grip, his fingers burning against my wrist. For a moment we stood still, glaring at each other. Our breaths quick and shallow, my heart pounding between my ears.
“I earned all this on my own, serving the Celestial Kingdom—your kingdom—with my blood. As I will earn my mother’s freedom with this final task.” I yanked myself free, stepping away from him. “I’m sorry for deceiving you, I am. But I never meant to hurt you and I don’t deserve your accusations.”
I was almost shaking in my rage and disappointment as I added, “No matter what we had lost, I always believed we would have our friendship. Maybe I was wrong.” At this moment, I could not help thinking of Wenzhi’s and Shuxiao’s unreserved acceptance of me. Yet, of the three, it was Liwei whom I had hurt most with my lies.
He glanced away, at the calm lake, clasping his hands behind him. When he spoke, his tone was steady once more. “Ah, Xingyin. My disappointment has made me vicious. I am a jealous fool, the sight of you both just now—” He shook his head. “This was not what I wanted to say to you when we met again. I had it all planned out—a heartfelt speech about how grateful I am that you did not leave me to die at Lady Hualing’s tender hands. Although, you might be regretting that now.” A rueful smile tugged at his lips.