God, Matt. He was rambling, but I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to know every confession he had. Drunk Matt was honest and talkative. Not angry.
“I love that you don’t care about what other people think of you. Not even me. Especially not me when you’re mad. I kinda even love when you’re mad. Because you stare at me with all this heat in your eyes and it makes me hard. It’s so hard to control myself around you because you’re so beautiful. I love talking to you. And I love that you’re wearing sneakers with your dress. It’s cute but somehow fucking hot too. You look amazing.”
I looked down at my Keds. He was the only one that noticed them all night. He was drunk. I knew that. But he still noticed things about me that no one else did. He saw me. He knew me. And he wasn’t embarrassed of me. He was just worried about his friend. Ex-friend. He’d made a few mistakes, but I certainly had too.
“Does that answer your question?” he asked. “I don’t remember what you asked. Did you even ask a question?” He laughed and put his chin on top of my head again. “Your hair smells so good.”
“You’ve mentioned that.”
He leaned forward, putting more of his weight on me. “I didn’t like it when you kissed James. Can you please not do that again?”
“I promise I won’t do it again.”
“And you won’t sleep with him, right? Because I’ve been waiting really impatiently to be your first. Do you know how often I have to take cold showers because of you?”
I laughed. “No, I don’t.”
“A lot. But I jerk off thinking about you more than that.”
I swallowed hard. Drunk Matt was definitely honest. “A lot, huh?”
“Mhm.” He moved his lips to my ear. “I need to tell you a secret. I don’t think I mentioned this yet, but I’m a little drunk tonight.”
“Oh you’ve mentioned it.”
“Well that’s not the secret. The secret is that it’s okay if you want to take advantage of me. I won’t press charges.”
I laughed. “Maybe a different night. When you’ll remember.”
“Okay. I’ll just dream of you again then. I dream of you a lot too. It’s better than sheep.” He laughed.
Did he mean counting sheep? He wasn’t making any sense.
He leaned forward, putting more of his weight on me.
Oh my God, he’s so heavy. “Matt, I can’t hold you.”
“Just for a second.”
“You’re too heavy.”
He giggled. “Oh no.” He moved back and looked down at his perfect torso. “Is that why you don’t want me? You think I’m fat?”
“What?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “No. You’re perfect.”
“Then why are you torturing me?”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Then why’d you dance with Felix right in front of me?”
That was a good point for a drunk person to make. “I’m sorry.”
“I made one mistake, Brooklyn. I should have told James right away, but I was being stupid. Isabella got under my skin. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be happy. That doesn’t mean you aren’t my forever. You are my forever. I know you are.”
Of course he was allowed to be happy. And of course he was allowed to make mistakes. I’d certainly made a ton of them.
“I want to make a deal.” He stuck out his hand for me. “No more secrets between us. Ask me anything,” he said. “And I’ll answer it.” He grabbed my hand and shook it before I could decide.
“Okay, Matt.”
“You didn’t ask a question.”
I’d already asked him all the questions I needed to. And I believed him. Rachel was clearly a mess, not that I was one to talk. Her relationship with James had to be toxic because James was toxic. And who knows. Maybe James was right. Maybe Rachel had thrown herself at Matt because all she cared about was money. And she was scared James was going to renounce his inheritance.
“Ask me anything,” Matt said again.
“Why do you call Isabella Wizzy? What does it mean?”
He started laughing. “Wizzy?” He laughed even harder. “Oh you’re going to like this. And she’d probably kill me for telling anyone. Actually, I think Mr. Pruitt’s telling the truth. I don’t think she can actually kill us.”
“I hope so.”
“Yeah, me too.” He went to go put all his weight on me again, but I pressed my hand against his chest to stop him. He was going to knock me over.