“Brooklyn Sanders. Or Pruitt. It doesn’t matter what your last name was. Because you’re a Caldwell now. My wife.” I tried to steady my voice, but it was impossible. “My home. My heart. My best friend. And the love of my life. I promised you that I’ve only ever loved you. And that I will only ever love you. And I’m standing here today, doubling down on that promise, baby. Because I will love you and only you until the day I die.”
I promise. I walked down from the altar and past the pew where my family was sitting.
I heard my mom call my name, but I kept walking. No one could say anything to fix this. And I couldn’t sit here and listen to any more speeches about how much other people would miss Brooklyn. Because they wouldn’t miss her like I would. They didn’t love her like I did. I was all she had. She’d told me that. I was supposed to be her rock. And she’d died thinking I hated her.
I knew what it felt like to not be able to breathe now. Because my lungs fucking hurt every second of every day that Brooklyn wasn’t beside me. It was like the pain was eating me whole. Or maybe it was the regret.
How was I supposed to keep going without her? I couldn’t imagine a world where she was gone. I thought I’d known what the pain of a short life felt like when I’d lost my aunt. But this? It was like a knife twisting in my chest.
I pushed out the doors of the church. The cool autumn breeze rushed past me. And like everything in this world, it reminded me of her. And how she’d told me how she and her mom used to rake leaves and jump in them every fall. I’d never even gotten the chance to do that with her. She couldn’t be gone yet. There was still so much we had to do. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. How was this the end? I sat down on the front steps and put my face in my hands. How was I supposed to keep going without her?
Someone put their hand on my shoulder.
I looked up to see Mason sitting down beside me. He didn’t offer any words. Because what could he say?
James and Rob joined us a second later.
“Matt?” James said. He stepped in front of me. He wiped the tears off his cheeks and shook his head. “I gotta tell you. Brooklyn didn’t know how far the prank was going to go. I didn’t even know.”
“It was my fault,” Rob said. He wiped a tissue under his nose. “I just thought it would be funny. I wasn’t trying to mess with your relationship, Matt. I swear.”
I nodded. Rob always took jokes too far. He didn’t have to explain that to me, I’d seen plenty of his pranks firsthand.
“And she really was just trying to get us all to be friends again,” James said. “We made a deal. That if she helped us with the prank, we’d try to sort things out with you guys.”
I knew that too. I’d listened to all the missed voicemails. And read all the texts that I’d originally ignored. Brooklyn had explained everything.
I thought about the last voicemail she left me. She’d been crying. And she called me a hypocrite. Her last words to me. You’re a fucking hypocrite.
And mine to her? I’d told her I didn’t believe in her. And called her a liar. And walked out instead of having a conversation with her. I’d left her feeling alone, when being alone was her greatest fear. Having no one that loved her. And time. Time and not having enough of it. It felt like there was a knife in my chest twisting every time I thought about her. Did she die thinking I didn’t love her? Was that the last thing she remembered of me?
“It’s okay,” I said. It wasn’t. I forgave James and Rob for the prank. I did. But what they’d roped Brooklyn into doing had set me off. That prank caused me to say those terrible things to Brooklyn. My last fucking words to her.
So I hated James.
I hated Rob.
But I hated myself the most.
Rob sat down next to me. “I feel awful. I should have told her about the rest of the prank. She was so mad at me. I never meant to upset her. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. Well, I thought she’d think it was funny. But she wasn’t laughing. And I hate that she was mad at me at the end.”
James nodded. “That look on her face after you left, Matt. She was so mad at us. I felt awful. I never meant to hurt her. I really liked her. She was perfect. For you. She was perfect for you. And I’m really sorry that I interfered at all. I never should have flirted with your girl. I’m just…I’m really fucking sorry, Matt.”
I looked down at my shoes. I couldn’t even look at him. I’d been waiting for him to apologize to me. But the wound felt too fresh. He’d flirted with her brazenly right in front of me. Like it was all a game. Nothing felt like a game anymore. “It’s okay,” I finally said. It wasn’t. But I didn’t have the energy to hold a grudge right now. I just needed my friend back.