They took our life force. And so we fight to reclaim it … we fight and we fight and we fight … we fight to love … we fight to love ourselves … we fight for access to our feelings … for access to our fires … we fight for access to God … they stole God from us! We fight for our lives … some of us lose the fight … oh, it can bring a person to her knees. It can. To think! To think that Willit Braun came around to the house. To think he came around to the house to have us listen to him tell us that Grandpa and Momo are cast out, are unable to enter the gates of heaven. To think of it, Swiv! There are few losses in life that can bring a person to her knees … have mercy on our souls. Grandpa and Momo too … both of them kneeling on the train tracks … All the Willit Brauns, God was the farthest thing from their minds, those scavengers, those thieves, those heretics … Grandpa and Momo were closer to God than all of them … They knelt … they touched death! Finally. Did they pray?
Hoooooooooooo. Whoa. I’m sorry. A person gets angry. “My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.” Taming of the Shrew. Do you …
Swiv … are you awake? Swiv … are you awake? Ah! Aha! You got me! Ha! I thought you really had fallen asleep. I thought maybe I’d have to say that all over again! Mamma mia! Whoops … Oh look! Look at that. We’re moving!
I stopped recording Grandma. I took a big breath and let it out like Grandma does. Hooooooooo. We were zooming down the runway, then we were going up … we were flying! I let Grandma take my hand. I told Grandma, Don’t be scared. Grandma laughed. She said she wasn’t scared, she just wanted to hold my hand. She said she loved me. And she had the hiccups. We looked out the window at everything getting smaller. Mom was down there, somewhere. I put my face against the little window and said don’t worry, don’t worry. Don’t have wild eyes. Don’t worry. Then we were in clouds and then we were in the blue, blue sky. We’re in the clear! said Grandma. I’ll be back. Her diuretic was kicking in. I heard her talking to everyone on the plane while she shuffled down the aisle to the bathroom. How were we flying? How could such a big heavy thing fly through the air? I heard Grandma laughing even from way in the back of the plane. I took the jean jacket off my head. I could breathe.
11.
I woke up in San Francisco. Grandma was saying honey, honey in a quiet voice. We’re here, honey.
In Fresno? I said. I was confused.
In San Fran! said Grandma. She called it San Fran or S.F. or Cisco or Frisco. We’re gonna have to hoof it if we want to make our connection. Everybody was standing, waiting to get off the plane. They were all peering down at me in my seat like I was a brand new species they’d just discovered. The flight attendant was calling out numbers and gates. We had to run! The flight attendant made her way through all the people in the aisle and came to talk with us. She said Grandma’s wheelchair was waiting for her at the top of the ramp. Could she walk that far? I shook my head. Grandma said, For heaven’s sake of course I can. She was pushing through the people in the aisle. She was making jokes. Don Quixote and Sancho Panza coming through! The flight attendant had already taken our little suitcases from the overhead bin and had brought them to the front. People patted us on our backs and said good luck. Say hi to Lou and Ken! Enjoy the raisins! Grandma had been talking to everyone on the plane while I was sleeping. She raised her hand. Keep on truckin’， fellow travellers! she said. Bye, Swiv! said two ladies I’d never seen in my life. Take good care of Grandma! I was afraid they’d say, Good luck with the bowel movement!
Finally we got to the door of the plane. The flight attendant pulled our little suitcases up the ramp and I got behind Grandma and pushed. I thought she was going to fall over backwards on top of me. I really had to lean into it the way Mom takes up the whole sidewalk pushing against buildings for exercise when we’re on our walks. Grandma said, Swiv, do you have my red purse? I didn’t have her fucking red purse! A man was running behind me waving Grandma’s red purse. I’ve got it! he said. I was still pushing Grandma. He put it around my arm. I said thank you. Grandma was laughing. The man said he’d e-mail Grandma. Yes, do! She was trying to tell him her e-mail address. I’ve got it, I’ve got it, he said. She was huffing and puffing. Let’s hope we meet in the playoffs, said the man. Well, we’ll just see what happens, said Grandma. Trade deadline should be interesting. Playoffs are around the corner, said the man. I’ve got tickets for game seven against the Nets! said Grandma. You do? I asked. Surprise! said Grandma. Good seats, too. Not the nosebleeders. The man hugged Grandma while I was pushing her. He told me to have fun in Cali. Life is too short for old people to say the full names of places. Grandma was waving over her shoulder, gasping for air. Who is that? I said. No idea, said Grandma. We reached the wheelchair finally and Grandma sat down and I piled our little suitcases on top of her and the flight attendant pointed in the direction of the gate we were supposed to run to. Do you want your spray? I said. No, no, said Grandma. Let’s just go! Shake a leg!