Lou said he’d been working in Silicon Valley and really living the dream, man, Armani suits, collecting art, but then he made a decision to quit his job and travel the world. And right then, in that limbo period between his job and travelling, he had a massive heart attack and almost died, but he had no insurance anymore from work because he’d quit his job and he hadn’t gotten around to getting with a new insurance program so he lost everything. Every damn last thing, man! He only had a bike—not even with ten speeds—only one speed and no brakes, and flip-flops and a subscription to The Nation. He showed me his heart operation scar, which was a zipper just like Grandma’s.
Lou also told me that the Bulldogs were the Fresno State football team and that members of a gang in Fresno also called themselves the Bulldogs. Are you in that gang? I asked him. I pointed at his bulldog socks. No, he said, he just found these socks at an estate sale and really liked them. Then Ken said he had a friend who had once been in that gang and had tattooed a bulldog on his shaved head. It was frightening, man! I mean, yeah, it was effective, you know? Wouldn’t you say, Lou? It really was, man, said Lou. I mean he was a friend, you know what I’m saying? I remember him telling me about his dreams. Crazy dreams, man, orgies and … naked women, naked men, I mean literally hundreds of naked people all—
Then Ken said, Yeah but further to your point of the Bulldogs, this guy, this friend of ours, quit the gang eventually … you know, he got married, had a couple of kids, a straight job. His hair grew all over that bulldog, said Lou. Yeah, said Ken … you couldn’t see the tattoo anymore so—he became less terrifying, said Lou. Yeah, said Ken. I mean he was a teddy bear. I mean he was doing anti-gang outreach work then. He was a mentor, man. But then you know what? He got older, he started losing his hair … see, like mine? And that damn tattoo became visible again, said Lou. Was he scary again? I said. Nah, said Lou, by then there wunt nothing scary about him. But his former associates from the gang started seeing that tattoo and remembering things about this guy, our friend, some of the stuff he’d done and how he’d left the gang and you know, they were kind of miffed about that. And the rival gangs, too, they recognized him and wanted to, you know, man, settle scores and the cops … well, the cops, said Ken. There’d been some outstanding charges and, well, some misunderstandings … so long story short our friend was concerned about his head, man, about this tattoo reappearing. Could he wear a wig? I asked. Yeah, he did do that for a while, but by then, you know, the cat was outta the bag and he was getting scared … he was getting scared for his wife and kids too, even his mom, man, and she was one tough lady. She was a warrior, man, said Lou. Everyone he knew was a target, said Ken. So one day he just packed them all up and left town. Took everyone, his wife and kids and his sister and her husband and their kids, his mom … just disappeared.
Where did they go? I said.
Who knows, man! said Lou. They just left. Here today, gone tomorrow. Hit the road, Jack. Vamoosed! Ken nodded his head in the front seat. That’s right, he said. I miss that guy.
But then if you’re friends with him aren’t the Bulldogs going to come and murder you, too? I said.
Lou said nah, he dint think so. He smiled. Ken smiled in the rear-view mirror, too. Nah, he said, we’re small potatoes. Small fry. Lou said they weren’t even potatoes. We’re on nobody’s radar, he said. Then he laughed and laughed and Ken started laughing too.
Grandma didn’t hear any of the story, really. She just sat there looking into the distance and vibrating with joy and wonder the whole time like she’d never been in a car before. When Lou and Ken started to laugh she started laughing too, even though she hadn’t heard what they’d said. I didn’t want to ruin her happiness by telling her that now we were at risk of being murdered by the Bulldogs probably even before suffocating from bad air quality. Then I remembered that she wouldn’t worry about being murdered or suffocating and had seen a million people die in Fresno already, so what was the point. While they were laughing my cell rang. It was Mom. The truth is, it’s always Mom. Nobody else calls me on my cell except Gretchen one time accidentally, because none of our parents give us enough minutes.
It took me a long time to get my cellphone out of my backpack. “Fever” was playing loudly and Lou and Ken started singing along. Oh yeah! said Lou. Peggy Lee, man! Remember that record, Kenny? I sure do, yelled Ken. Why was Lou singing in a sexy way? Ken was laughing harder. Grandma was deaf and blissed out. I found my phone finally but I couldn’t hear Mom because Lou and Ken were laughing and singing too loudly and then I heard Mom start laughing, too. Sounds like you made it, Swiv! She started to sing “Fever.” Okay! she yelled. This is expensive roaming time! I just wanted to make sure you’d made it! Give those guys a big hug from me! I love you! Make Grandma rest! She hung up.