I went to the Tim Hortons in the lobby and came back with three doughnuts and stared at the TV I couldn’t reach and wasn’t even turned on. What a waste of taxpayers’ money. The nurse came back out. She said Mom was coming along nicely. I could go in and see her. When I went in, Mom was on her hands and knees on the floor and grunting and moaning. That didn’t seem to me like coming along nicely. I went over and put my hand on her back. She said, Swiv, Swiv, I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry. Do you want a doughnut? I asked her. She said not right then. She made a horrible sound, like a wild animal. She was turning into a werewolf. She lifted one of her arms and pawed at my throat. Um, okay, Mom, I said. Don’t forget about what I said. You’re strong. I whispered it into her werewolf ear. Gord would be too terrified of Mom now to come out. Maybe Gord would be a werewolf too. I’d have to raise a werewolf by myself. I stood next to Mom but from a safe distance. I didn’t know what to do or say. I looked around and smiled at the nurse. I wanted to tell her that I was a normal person even though my Mom was on her hands and knees growling.
The nurse left the room and I leaned over to whisper to Mom. I asked her why she was rehearsing for a play that she couldn’t even be in now because she was having Gord. Did you get your wires crossed? I asked her. She stopped grunting and snarling. The contraction was over and for two seconds she switched to being a human being again. Oh, I’ll explain that later, she said. She started moaning again and said I should go see how Grandma was doing and then come back. What a relief that was. I sprang away from her. I told her I’d be back in a second but secretly I planned to stretch that out into three minutes. Three minutes of werewolf time.
I ran to see Grandma. I got lost four hundred times in all the hallways and steel doors and forgot what floor she was on. Finally I found the signs to the ICU and followed them. The door to the ICU was locked and they had to buzz me in. It was really noisy and hectic inside, with nurses stomping and gliding around and looking serious in their blue and green uniforms with vee necks and big pockets and blue gauzy shower caps. There was Grandma! She wasn’t packed in ice anymore. Now she was almost naked. She sure will love to tell this story, I thought. Too bad there wasn’t a soldier or some other man around she could show her body off to. The nurses swarmed around her. Her eyes were sort of open. She couldn’t talk because of the hose. I ran over to her and said Mom was having Gord right now! Grandma’s eyes got bigger. Now they were really open. The nurses said, Wow! Here? Yeah, I said. Upstairs! Or downstairs. I wasn’t sure. Grandma started pulling at the hose and trying to sit up. She was going to run naked out of the ICU to see Gord! Whoops, Elvira, said the nurse. They knew her name! We need you to lie still a tiny bit longer, sweetie. Grandma shook her head and tried to sit up again. Her eyes told me to come close to her ear and tell her everything that was happening. Mom’s having Gord, I said. She’s nearby, upstairs or downstairs, in a room. She’s kneeling. There are nurses there, too. Everything’s fine. I didn’t tell Grandma that Mom had turned into a werewolf. Grandma kept nodding and making her eyes go big at me to keep me saying things. I got some doughnuts, I said. Grandma nodded. Mom’s water broke all over the floor. Grandma blinked her eyes at me. Seriously, I said. We almost drowned. I thought it was too early for Gord to be born but the nurse said it wasn’t and Mom said she’d talk about that later. This is the sound she makes. I made the sound of a werewolf, but not as terrifying as the actual sound Mom made. Grandma was laughing with her eyes. She was blinking. Tears were coming out of them.
Okay, said a nurse. She was looking at Grandma’s machines and tapping her pen. We should let her rest a bit more now. This nurse told the other nurses that the levels had changed. She read out numbers that the other nurse wrote down. One nurse stood there with her hand on Grandma’s shoulder, the one without the sling, to keep her from taking off to see Gord. I told Grandma that I had promised Mom I’d be right back. She nodded. Then I told Grandma that I’d come back to her after that. I kissed her forehead. I thought about how Grandma had given Mom her brain a million years ago when Mom was inside her and now Gord and I had Mom’s brains. How long would it take for Mom to grow a new one? Grandma closed her eyes like she was so happy and like she was kissing me back. I’ll be back in a sec! I said. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail! Grandma raised her good thumb. Bye, Swiv, said the nurses. Can’t wait to meet Gord! Somehow Grandma had told them everything.