“Does she have a nice personality? Is she independent? Like you?” Ella peered at Casey’s face with pure wonder, as if a woman with enough compelling qualities would excuse what Ted had done.
“You’re wonderful, Ella. Don’t do this to yourself. Delia is irrelevant. Ted did this.”
“I love him. But I hate him, too.”
“Yes.” The two sorority girls surfaced in Casey’s mind. “You must.”
“I have never loved anyone else but Ted.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want him to leave me. How will I raise my daughter?” Ella was wide awake, her round face full of worry. She was breathing strangely.
“Ella, are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Let me know if you want me to call the doctor. Your blood pressure. . .” Casey tried to sound as relaxed as possible.
“I know, I know,” Ella said plaintively. She tried to imagine her daughter’s perfect infant body, fingers curling and opening. Her chest rose and fell at a more even pace.
Casey turned to the front door reflexively. “Where is that bastard, anyway? When’s he getting home?”
“He went to a managing directors’ off-site in Singapore. It was planned months and months ago. He’s not coming home until Thursday night. My dad’s coming later, and he’s going to stay in the guest room.” Ella blinked. “Do you think he’s with her?”
What a selfish fuckhead, Casey thought. His wife was about to deliver, and he’d dumped her off with her dad. Fucking brilliant.
“He said he didn’t want to go. Especially right now . . Maybe he took her with him,” Ella wondered out loud.
Casey had no intention of defending that son of a bitch, but it wasn’t helpful for her to get a pregnant woman with high blood pressure riled up.
“Honey, Ted doesn’t matter. You matter. Your baby matters.” Casey stroked her friend’s hair.
Ella closed her dark eyes—the rush of blood still pounding in her ears.
From the living room, Casey phoned Judith, whom she hadn’t had time to call to explain. But there was no answer. She phoned Sabine’s direct dial.
“It better be good,” Sabine said as a greeting.
When Casey told her what had happened, Sabine’s response was eerily cold.
“It’s nice of you, but this is ultimately Ella’s problem,” she said. “Besides, you can’t fix that one. Too big.” She categorized problems relationally—a knoll or Mount Everest. She also quantified the length of time projected to climb her challenges. “And thanks a lot. Judith thinks I’m playing favorites. You disrespected her. And I can’t have that.” Sabine abhorred insubordination of any variety.
“I’m sorry, Sabine. I shouldn’t have just left, but I couldn’t very well explain to Judith while Ella was standing right there. I wasn’t trying to disrespect my manager. I’m not like that—”
“You’ve never even mentioned her,” Sabine interrupted, voicing an entirely separate strand of argument. “It’s not like she’s a close friend.”
“No. You’re wrong. She’s a very good friend.” But there was no way for Sabine to have known this. Casey revealed very little of what went on in her life. And when there were difficulties, she burrowed into herself and tried to give a good show. The bit of Casey’s heart that Sabine had managed to soften earlier—through Sabine’s attentiveness and strong wish for her to do well in life—calcified again. Nothing kind or good came without expectations or demands. She checked the time. The new watch felt heavier on her wrist than her Timex. It was only three.
“Let me think about this,” Sabine said. Her shrink had encouraged her to delay making decisions to curb her impulsive tendencies.
“Yeah,” Casey muttered. “Do what you need to do.”
“Don’t get pissy with me, young lady,” Sabine shot instantly.
“I’m sorry,” Casey replied, catching herself.
Ella woke up, and she shuffled out to the living room. How long had she slept? For the past twenty-four hours, she’d thought about leaving Ted. But the consequences of such a thing—how could she manage? She wanted to see her father, to ask him for advice, but she didn’t know how. What he’d said to her right before the wedding ceremony—the words had never left her mind. Perhaps she should’ve waited. There was no way she could tell her father what had happened. He’d hate Ted. Had they married too young? Was there something wrong with her in bed? That morning, she’d considered getting a video or some books. How did you get better in bed? How did you keep your husband interested in you? Her head hurt so much. The ringing in her ears had made it impossible for her to rest.