I was grieving that loss as I sat there. The simple joy of spending time with the people I loved without them knowing our time was running short.
But I was missing Roxy most of all.
I hadn’t healed the split lip she’d given me. The small sting of pain an all too little reminder of what this would do to her. And I hated myself for that more forcefully than I hated myself for every other awful thing I’d done in my life combined.
If I tried to consider our roles in reverse, knowing that I only had weeks left before her death and that I’d be facing a future without her beyond that, I couldn’t breathe. The mere thought of living without her was a horror unlike any other I could imagine, and I knew it wasn’t a future that I would have been able to bear. It terrified me that I might be destined to leave her in even an inch of the pain that I knew I would suffer when being torn from her embrace when my time came and the stars collected on this debt I owed them. It had seemed like a long time when I’d agreed to it, but now? Now it was a drop in the ocean of the endless amount of love I wished to share with that girl. She deserved so much better than this fate. So much fucking better than me.
There was a knock at the door and my pulse quickened as I called out that it was open, hoping like a fool that it would be her, that she would have returned and would be in my arms again where I needed her.
But of course it wasn’t her. That wasn’t her style. She was hurt which meant she was angry, and fuck knew how long she would maintain that rage for or how long she would keep away. And I got it. I wanted her to have that time to rage at me if she needed it, to fucking hate me all over again for doing this to her, but I was also running so low on time with her now that the thought of days or weeks going by without her forgiveness terrified me far more than the fate that awaited me on Christmas Day.
I didn’t fear death. But I did fear a destiny which meant I never got to kiss her goodbye.
Darcy stepped into the room, her eyes red and puffy but her expression firm.
“Hey,” I said lamely, unsure what I was supposed to say to her, knowing she must hate me too for what I was doing to her twin. Hurting her all over again after I’d sworn I never would.
“Darius…” she said softly, her gaze moving over me as she hesitated a moment before darting forward and throwing her arms around my neck as she lunged at me.
It took me a couple of seconds to return her embrace, the shock of it catching me off guard as I’d expected anger from her too.
“Thank you,” she breathed against my ear, a tear falling on my neck as she squeezed me tightly. “I can’t imagine how much you must have been hurting, keeping this secret for so long and I hate that you made this deal, I hate it so goddamn much. But I get it. You did it for her. Because you love her. And I can’t be angry at you for making this sacrifice to save my sister’s life no matter how bitter the price may be.”
I sighed, relaxing into her embrace as I let that pain in my chest lessen just a little, holding onto that one fact which I’d clung to throughout all of these months every time I’d been tempted to fall into the trap of fear over my fate. Because I didn’t regret my choice. I would have made it again a thousand times over for her. For them.
“I did it for you too,” I told her. “The stars showed me your death on the cards too, little shrew. And I couldn’t have that.”
She sobbed as she clutched me harder, more tears falling against my skin as she held me like she really cared about me. And I realised just how much I cared about her too. She was like a little sister to me now. My silly little shrew of a sister who ran me around in circles as easily as breathing.
“You’re a good man, Darius. So much better than the monster who tried to forge you in his image. The world will be a far emptier place without you in it.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, though the words meant more to me than I could describe, especially coming from her. She saved me from trying to answer them by pulling back, cupping my cheek in her hand and smiling sadly.
“She loves you so much that she doesn’t know what to do with it all,” she breathed. “Don’t hate her for being angry.”
“I could never hate her,” I murmured and she nodded, getting up and backing away.
“She could never hate you either. Even before, even when she wanted to with all her heart. She didn’t, Darius.”
The door closed behind her and I was left with those words and the endless regrets I had over the way I’d treated Roxy when we’d first met. Everything between us could have been so different if only I’d found a way to defy my father sooner. Though I knew now that regrets weren’t worth the memories they lingered in.