Mark was one of the first to get in touch with both curiosity and concern when Ed was suddenly back in the UK. Ed played it cool. Put on his brave face. He shared only that he and Laura were sadly trialling a separation. He let the assumption of an affair hang in the air, neither confirming nor denying leading questions. He got sympathy and curiosity and handled both from his dazed state with a mixture of detachment and annoyance.
Still Ed was hoping to keep Laura in his life. What he didn’t realise at the time was he was already slipping slowly into a depression. He had some savings and set himself up initially in a budget hotel near Bristol. He spent his days filing his CV with recruitment agencies, stressing that he didn’t mind where he worked but he needed something fast. He didn’t want to commit to renting anywhere to live until he knew where work might take him.
His CV was thankfully sound. And in the end it was Mark who came up trumps work wise. He’d moved and was now in a senior role in a marketing agency in Manchester; he offered Ed some freelance contracts with clients in the sector he knew well. Drinks and hospitality. Ed did so well he was offered a contract, which Mark hinted was very likely to turn into a full-time job. So Ed took the plunge and got himself a studio flat with river views.
He couldn’t say that he was happy but he found a way to function. The hermit life. He phoned Canada every week at first, pushing for permission to visit Laura. But there was no change in her condition and no change in the advice for him to stay away. Slowly her parents became more distant on the phone. The gap between calls became greater. After six months they raised the ‘D word’， believing it better for Laura. Better for them too. Get on with your life, Ed. This is the best way to help her. Let her go . . .
He resisted. He investigated therapies in the UK. But it was like pushing water uphill. And there was no way Laura could travel. Or even see him.
After nearly two years, he caved. Signed the divorce papers. He had never felt such a failure.
In sickness and in health . . .
He’d let Laura down and he’d let himself down.
Through all this, Mark coaxed him out when he could. Drinks here and there. A movie. He tried to get him to talk properly about what had happened with Laura but Ed said there was nothing much to talk about. We got married too quickly. End of.
And then one cold week in November, Mark and his girlfriend Lottie invited him to dinner. Just a few nice people. Please come.
It was all very last-minute – a call just a couple of hours ahead of the meal. He doesn’t even remember why he said yes in the end. Maybe precisely because it was late notice. No big deal. But suddenly he was ‘out’ on a Saturday evening, freshly divorced and freshly showered in a clean shirt, and there she was. Rachel in her red dress with her big, broad smile and her sparkly eyes.
‘I hear you were in Canada. So what’s Canada like?’
‘I don’t really like to talk about it to be honest.’ He looked into her face and waited for the wary expression. He waited for the follow-up questions and the narrowing of eyes. He waited for her to look bored; to excuse herself to the bathroom so she could return and talk to the guest on her other side without seeming rude. But to his surprise, none of that happened.
That night . . . or ever.
Instead Rachel leaned in closer and her smile broadened. ‘Well that’s fine by me. Let’s forget Canada. So what do you like to talk about?’
CHAPTER 36
THE DAUGHTER – BEFORE
Revenge is not forced upon a person but is a choice. Discuss in relation to A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.
I still feel numb. I still feel angry. And I still feel a complete mug.
But I also feel just a tiny bit more in control, because at least I’m getting information together. Proper information on my options.
I finally got to see ‘S’ yesterday and I’ve spent most of the time since in bed or on the phone, trying to be more practical. I will not let that man ruin my life . . .
I now have an assessment booked. Apparently they can do a scan to work out my exact dates so I know exactly how long I have before I need to make a final decision. They’re also offering counselling which I will definitely need because I honestly still have no idea what to do.
When I got back to my flat after seeing them together – ‘S’ and his very pregnant wife – I was so furious, I wanted revenge. I admit it; I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to ring my friend Maddy. Post it on social media. Stuff his stupid job. I go cold thinking about it now – the fallout if I’d done that, I mean. But thankfully I calmed down quickly enough to realise a public showdown would reflect as badly on me as him. And it’s not just me any more. I have to think of the baby. If there’s even to be a baby.