This will have to be enough.
* * *
I WAKE UP in Cauler’s bed.
I don’t know where I am at first, hit by a brief moment of half-asleep panic before everything from last night comes together.
Cauler’s still asleep, his back pressed to the wall and one of his arms draped over my waist. My sweatpants bunch around my calf where my leg is pinned between his. His lips are parted just a little in his sleep, and he looks so damn soft I could die.
And I’m not looking for anything. I’m really not. But I’m not ready for this to end.
I close my eyes and settle back into the pillow to get more sleep, but a second later, Cauler’s saying, “Hey.”
His voice is rough in the morning. It’s appalling how freaking hot he is.
“Hey,” I say.
He stretches around me, making that soft straining noise people make when they do their morning stretch. It’s adorable. When he relaxes again, his face presses closer to mine.
“I’d kiss you,” he says, “but your breath smells horrible.”
“I mean, you didn’t offer me a toothbrush last night.”
“Those are like ten bucks apiece at the bookstore, man, I don’t stock up.”
“I guess I’ll try not to breathe, then.”
He smiles, eyes closed. “That might be for the best.”
What would be for the best would be going back to my own room. Taking a shower and brushing my teeth. Emailing the counseling office and getting another appointment set up.
Getting my life together.
“It smells like dirty socks in here,” I say.
“Like I said. Your breath is terrible.”
“Fuck you, it doesn’t smell like feet.”
He chuckles. It’s the kind of sound that’s gonna repeat in my head until it drives me nuts. “My roommate does laundry, like, once a month,” he says.
I throw a panicked look over to his roommate’s side at the mention of him, but the bed’s empty.
“I texted him,” Cauler says. “He’s not coming back till after brunch. I swear, if he brings a ghost back with him…”
I let out a sigh of relief and roll onto my back, stretching my arms above my head until my back arches off the bed. Cauler trails his fingertips over my ribs lightly enough to give me chills.
“Y’know,” he starts, pausing to yawn. “Drug interaction or not, it’s good to see you get a little emotional sometimes.”
I turn my head to the side to give him a look. “I feel mildly offended? Either way, that’s all you’re gonna get. I have a set limit of one emotion per week.”
“I’ll mark it on my calendar.” His hand is warm on my bare skin.
This is nothing. This means nothing. He doesn’t even like me, let alone like me. This is only happening because I was the closest available, moderately attractive guy who gave off some pretty transparent gay vibes.
This is nothing.
His fingers flex against my hip. His breath sounds unsteady. His eyes are closed. “Question. Don’t think too much into it.”
Oh god, here we go.
“What are your plans for break?” he asks.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth when I open it, because oh my god? Is this going where I think it’s going? “I usually go to Nova’s,” I say slowly. “But she’s in Milan or something.”
“Raleigh, then?”
I laugh bitterly. “I don’t remember the last time I spent Christmas with my family.”
I don’t say it for the sad look he gives me, but thankfully he doesn’t dwell on it. “Soooo … why don’t you come to Boston?”
I push up onto my elbow to look down at him. “Boston? Like with you?”
“Yeah, I mean.” He shrugs a shoulder and avoids looking me in the eye. “My family’s pretty hospitable. I don’t got five sisters like you, but I have a lot of cousins. Both sides cram into my parents’ house, and there’s chaos and way too much food and alcohol and card games. I hear my ex-uncle’ll be there, so that’ll be interesting.”
“Why’s your ex-uncle coming?”
“He’s not officially an ex yet and his kids’ll be there, so he thinks it’s his right to tag along. My aunt filed for divorce, but it’s not finalized yet. Shae gets into it with him. Entertaining as hell.”
“Sounds tiring.”
“Most things are tiring to you.”
Talking about being tired triggers a massive yawn that Cauler covers with his hand to block my morning breath. We both laugh sleepily.