My statement seemed to fluster him for a moment, but eventually he cracked a smile. ‘I guess it is.’
He’d made an effort today, just like I had. His hair was extra fluffy, and he was wearing a fashionable Adidas sweatshirt with his usual black jeans.
‘Did the other two times count?’ I asked.
‘Hm … I don’t know. Maybe the second one?’
‘Yes. Us getting kicked out of the cinema then me getting a migraine does sound like a pretty good first date.’
‘One to tell the grandkids, I suppose.’ As soon as he said it, he looked very embarrassed, unsure whether this was an appropriate joke to make yet. I laughed to put him at ease.
We ate our pancakes and talked. We talked about the play, about our courses, about the upcoming Bailey Ball, which I’d managed to score Pip and Jason guest tickets to. We talked about politics and decorating our bedrooms and the new Pokémon game that was coming out soon. God, it was easy to talk to Jason.
That was all it took to ease my doubts. To stop thinking about that conversation with Rooney and Pip. To forget about what Sunil had told me.
Jason and I laughed about some little joke. And I thought – maybe. Maybe it could work if I just tried one more time.
‘You know what Rooney said?’ I said to Jason once we’d made it back to college. We were sitting in his corridor’s kitchen, and Jason had already made me a hot chocolate.
Jason stirred sugar into his tea. ‘What?’
I had made the decision on the walk back here to take my shot. Despite what Rooney had concluded at the end of our chat, I needed to treat this situation realistically – I was going to have to make an effort to force myself to like Jason. But I could do that, right? I could do it.
‘She thought it was weird we hadn’t kissed yet.’
OK, that wasn’t exactly what she’d said just before our big sex conversation. But it was what she’d implied.
Jason stopped stirring his tea. For a moment, his face was unreadable.
Then he continued stirring.
‘Did she?’ he said, with a small twitch of his mouth.
‘I think she’s had a lot more relationships than us, though,’ I said with an awkward chuckle.
‘Has she?’ Jason responded, again unreadable.
‘Yeah.’
Shit. Was I making this weird? I was making this weird.
‘Well …’ Jason tapped the spoon on the side of his mug. ‘That’s … I mean, everyone does these things at different paces. We don’t need to rush it.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. True.’
OK. That’s fine. We didn’t need to kiss today. I could try again another day.
Relief washed over me.
Wait, no.
I couldn’t give up that easily, could I?
Fuck.
Why was this so fucking hard?
Rooney had said it just happened. But if I didn’t do anything, nothing would happen. If I didn’t try, I’d be like this forever.
Jason finished making his tea. We’d decided to go chill in his room for a bit with a movie – it was a late Sunday afternoon and that felt like the thing to do.
But just as I went to pull open the door, someone on the other side pushed it towards me so fast that I tripped backwards over my own feet and fell on to Jason and his boiling mug of tea.
We didn’t go down, but the tea went everywhere.
The person who’d opened the door backed away immediately with an apologetic ‘Sorry, I’ll come back in a bit.’ I was only lightly splashed, and I was still wearing my coat anyway. I turned to Jason, who had sat down on a nearby chair, to survey the damage.
His jumper was soaked. But that didn’t seem to bother him – he was staring, alarmed, at his left hand, which had also been covered in tea. Fresh, boiling tea.
‘Oh fuck,’ I said.
‘Yeah,’ he said, just staring at his hand.
‘Does that hurt?’
‘Er … slightly.’
‘Cold water,’ I said immediately. I grabbed his wrist, pulled him over towards the sink, turned on the cold tap, and held his hand under the water.
Jason just stared, dumbfounded. We waited, letting the icy water do its work.
After a moment, he said, ‘I was looking forward to that tea.’
I let out a sigh of relief. If he was making jokes, it probably wasn’t too bad.
‘Does tea wash out?’ He looked down at the stained fabric, and then just chuckled. ‘I’ll look it up.’
‘I’m really sorry,’ I blurted out, realising that this was probably my fault.