I let you down. I wasn’t the sister you needed. But that’s going to change. Like I said, I won’t stop looking for you, Ellie-Bee, not until my heart stops beating.
Chapter Fifty-One
161 Days Missing
Elodie Fray
Give myself to Jack to save my sister or don’t and let her die.
This ultimatum has wound itself around every moment like a steel cable, growing tighter and tighter until I can’t breathe. Letting him hurt Ada isn’t an option. It’s that simple. Only, it isn’t simple at all because to save my sister, I have to let Jack put himself inside me.
I am sitting on my bed. The clock on the nightstand tells me it is three in the afternoon. I haven’t moved from this spot since I woke at four this morning. My throat is dry and my eyes are sore.
Above me, the basement door is pulled open. My heart somersaults in my chest the way it always does when he visits. Jack descends, his footsteps stopping halfway down the stairs. The banister groans as he leans over it. I don’t look at him.
‘Get a shower,’ he tells me. ‘Do your hair. We’re having an early dinner.’
Then he is gone, the basement door locked behind him. Months ago, I’d have disobeyed, but I’ve learned to pick my battles. An hour later, he is back. He waits at the top. I am wearing a pair of his boxers and a baggy cream sweater. Even though I haven’t eaten since yesterday, I feel sick at the thought of food. Jack holds the door open and I have to squeeze past him and the cumbersome shelving unit to get through. He puts a hand on my shoulder, and I flinch. Then he steers me out of the utility room. Instead of heading to the dining room as I anticipated, he guides me into the living room and closes the door behind us. The curtains are open, and I blink in the withering winter sun.
‘Sit down.’
I do as he says, sinking into the cream sofa. Everything in this room is soft – the colours, the surfaces, the way the fire bathes us in a golden glow.
‘… on too long. It’s time to decide.’
I blink. Jack has been talking and I haven’t heard a word. ‘Sorry?’
His brow furrows. ‘Are you listening?’
I nod.
He stares at me a moment longer. I do not squirm.
‘I was saying this has gone on too long.’ He gestures between us. ‘This situation is hostile. I miss us.’
I don’t speak. Nothing good ever comes from interrupting Jack during one of his declarations of love.
‘We can fix everything if you make the right choice. Have you decided?’
I clench my teeth and breathe through my nose.
It takes me three whole breaths to push down the rage that rises in my body, the rage that makes me want to leap from the sofa and hit him until he is nothing but toothless, wet flesh. Three whole breaths before I’m capable of replying.
‘You want me to decide now?’ I manage.
‘I don’t see the point in dragging this out much longer.’
My palms are clammy. I thought I had more time. I try to swallow but it feels like there is a rock in my throat. ‘Sleep with you or you’ll kill Ada?’
Jack’s Icelandic blue eyes are cold. ‘I’m trying to help you. What’s your decision?’
He told me before that there is more power in making someone change their mind than there is in taking what you want by force, but really, what choice do I have? I clasp my hands tightly in my lap to stop them from shaking. ‘Okay.’
He jolts. ‘Really?’
I nod.
He stands, pulls me up into his arms and swings me off the ground. He’s thrilled. Setting me down on my feet, he says, ‘This is the right decision, I promise.’
My stomach churns.
His smile is wide. ‘I’ve got something for you.’ He takes my hand and leads me to the dining room where there’s a parcel waiting on the table. It’s wrapped in pale pink tissue paper. He tells me to open it. Jack is at my back, blocking my exit. With no other option, I obey. Inside is a white silk slip. A lover’s gift.
‘For tonight,’ says Jack.
‘How did you know I’d say yes?’
He comes close. His breath warms my neck. ‘Because I know you.’
‘I thought you liked me in green.’
‘White is more appropriate. We’re starting over tonight. It will be like our first time.’
I put my hand on the table to steady myself. It’s too much. Too real. I can’t. I can’t. He brushes my hair to one side and his lips find the soft space between my neck and shoulder. He kisses my half-moon scars and I remember his nails breaking through my skin. His hand slides up my legs and under my sweater. I am too scared to move. He grinds into me.