Yarvis had come over for a check-in, though it was supposed to have happened three weeks ago. He’d given us only about an hour’s notice to get rid of the blankets and pillows on the couch, put the overflowing bag of my stuff out of sight, throw away the sweatpants I’d pissed in because I couldn’t get to the bathroom in time. I was supposed to be able to hold a certain percentage of my weight by now, but I hadn’t been doing the exercises. So I could hold zero percent, and fell. That was when I’d hated having cloud head. Regular head knew I should have just yelled to Cassie to help. Cloud head told me no, it was the middle of the night, I’d be fine.
Bum bum be dun dun.
I wasn’t fine. I’d peed on the floor. That was the tough part about cloud head. Cloud head was calmer, but maybe a little too calm.
Ba ding DING ding. “Damn it!”
“Cassie, are you going to join us, or what?” I called to the other room, my voice sharper than I’d intended.
“In a second,” she called.
She walked out in the same band T-shirt she wore yesterday, her hair falling out of her ponytail. “Hi,” she said, breathing deeply, as if she were about to take a big leap, bracing herself. “Sorry for the delay. Good to see you.”
Yarvis looked back and forth from me to Cassie as he scooted to make room for Cassie on the couch, puzzled. “How are we?”
Out of obligation, I reached for Cassie’s hand. It was limp in mine. “Good,” I said.
“Great!” Cassie said, her enthusiasm flimsy.
“Well, good,” Yarvis said, putting on an amused smile. “I’m here to check on Luke’s progress. And,” he said, pausing to pull out another folder from his shoulder bag, “bring you the next stage in Luke’s PT, since it appears you haven’t taken the time to go to the VA.”
Cassie shifted in her seat, letting go of my hand to bite her thumbnail. I avoided his eyes.
“Did you find help elsewhere?” he continued.
“Yeah,” I said, swallowing, hoping he wouldn’t get too curious.
Cassie took her thumbnail out of her mouth, her brow furrowed. “Yeah, I mean, we’re doing what we can. It threw us off when you didn’t show for the first week.”
Yarvis let out a whistling sigh. “And I’m sorry about that. There’s only two of us for hundreds of families.”
Cassie leaned forward. “Two social workers? For a hospital that big?”
At Yarvis’s surprised face, Cassie tensed. She checked herself. She put her hand back in mine.
Yarvis continued, “Resources are scant. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m on your side. Veterans need to be made a bigger priority. There are serious mental and physical health repercussions for entire generations if they don’t get the help they need.” He leaned in for emphasis. “But you all have to at least try.”
I looked at Cassie. Her eyes were narrowed at Yarvis. “I work a minimum-wage service job, I have to check my blood sugar eight times a day, and neither Luke nor I have the money to buy or rent a vehicle that can transport him across the river to the, uh, what’s it called, the Veterans Center on South Congress. So.” Her words caught. She took another breath, trying to calm herself, and put on a strained smile. “What do you recommend as far as trying?” Then, after a pause, she pushed out a sarcastic “Sir?”
Some sort of buried conditioning from a year of army training moved words out of my mouth before I could realize what I was saying. “Don’t, Cass.”
“Thanks, Private,” she snapped.
I pressed her hand. She pressed back. She wasn’t only being disrespectful to the one person trying to help us, she was blowing our cover. We weren’t acting like a married couple, just bickering a little. She was on the verge of full-on fed up.
“It’s all right, Luke.” Yarvis looked at Cassie. “I’m sorry. I know it must be hard. I didn’t mean to lecture you.”
Cassie’s eyes softened, though she was still breathing hard. “It is hard.”
He turned to me. “Have you at least been doing your basic PT at home?”
“Yes,” I lied.
I could feel her eyes on me, debating whether to call me out. Don’t push it. Please. We have to sugarcoat things so he can get out of here.
“I’m still getting used to things,” I added, resisting looking back at her.
“Yeah, well,” Cassie said, sensing my thoughts. “We’ll get him up in no time.”