“You poor kids,” Yarvis said. “You’ve both got dark circles under your eyes. It’s going to get easier.”
“I’ll be right back,” Cassie said. She fluttered her hands toward the two of us. “Can I get either of you anything? Honey?”
“No, thank you,” Yarvis said.
I shook my head, though what I wanted was a pill. This was too much. My hand started moving toward my pocket, where I’d started keeping them in my sweatpants.
“Hey,” Yarvis said, leaning close to me, snapping his fingers. I looked at him in his pool-water eyes. “What’s your deal?”
“Nothing, sir. Just tired.” My pulse quickened.
“Your pupils are tiny.” His smoky voice was harsh. “Are you taking opiates?”
I swallowed, jerked my hand away from my pocket to my knee. “For the pain.”
He raised his bushy eyebrows. “And only as prescribed?”
“Only as prescribed,” I repeated, hoarse. I suddenly remembered what the surgeon said. Pain is the alert system. Maybe I’d fallen because there was slippage and I couldn’t tell.
“I’ve seen kids better off than you go down a dark path. Don’t do that,” he said, pointing right between my eyes. Right between cloud head and regular head. “If you don’t believe you’re going to make a full recovery, you won’t. Do it for her,” he said, nodding toward the kitchen.
Cloud head almost laughed. As if Cassie would want me to do anything for her, let alone clomp around her apartment doing pony exercises. I’m pretty sure the only thing Cassie wanted was a time machine to take her forward to the day when I’d be gone.
Cassie came back, sipping water. Yarvis sat back in his chair, a smile on his face. “You know what you two need?”
“A farmhand?” Cassie asked.
“A dog.”
Cassie snorted. When Yarvis got up to use the bathroom, I slid a pill from my pocket, swallowing while Cassie was looking the other way. Yarvis was right about me, but it was too late. I was already on a dark path. But I’d be fine. I’d figure out what lay on the other side of it once I got out of here.
The rest of this interview was going to get a lot more pleasant for everyone with cloud head around. Best to just ride it out, smiling. Best to just become furniture.
“Huh,” Yarvis was saying, looking out one of Cassie’s windows down at the street. “Wonder what that Bronco is doing.”
“What?” I said, almost a whisper. I wanted the Oxy to hit me harder, to slow down the pumping of blood.
“Oh, it was idling out there when I came in, and it’s still there,” Yarvis muttered.
Cassie joined him at the window. “I’ve never seen it before.”
Johnno. He found Cassie’s house. I didn’t have the money. Why couldn’t he get that through his head? I didn’t have it, and I would pay him when I did. But facts didn’t matter in Johnno’s chaos. I couldn’t see out the window, but I could imagine his twitchy face in a cloud of menthol smoke, ready to hop out with Kaz behind him, ready to snap.
He could come up here at any time. He could hurt Cassie.
“It’s leaving,” Yarvis said, his voice far away.
I clung to my wheels, my wrists pulsing on my useless legs. If he came back, if he came up here and tried to hurt me—tried to hurt Cassie—all I could do was watch.
Cassie
“Mm.” Toby kissed my neck as I tried to get the notes right. “Do you have to practice? We practice enough.”
“Of course I have to practice,” I said. “You know that better than anyone.”
After Yarvis left, Luke had started wheeling around the apartment with his phone in his lap, muttering to himself. Whenever he saw me, he seized. I’d thought about calling my mom, going over there for dinner, but instead I’d called Toby.
“You like your keyboard more than me?” he said, making a trail with his mouth to my shoulder, the tips of his hair brushing my skin. “I’m just kidding,” he added, between kisses. I couldn’t help wondering, then why did you say it?
“It’s just hard to play over there right now.”
“You should just live here!” Toby said, standing up.
I smiled. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. It’s only been a few months since we got together, but we’ve known each other now for almost two years.” He gave me a small smile.
I looked at him, unable to mask the surprise on my face.