揌er church??Haley asked.
揥e all lived in a sort of community of our own, and Matthew, the oldest son, was the preacher. They had fixed up an old barn to serve as a church, and we were required to be there for services every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. I was just grateful that she hadn抰 built a school or made us all homeschool our kids,?Risa answered.
揂nd Paul went along with all that??Haley was stunned that a grown man wouldn抰 stand up for his wife and kids no matter what.
揌e didn抰 want to get a third strike, so he buckled down and became the son that his mama wanted him to be.?Risa finished off her whiskey. 揑t wasn抰 so bad, really. Matthew usually preached on the value of family and loving one another. He didn抰 talk about hellfire and damnation, and for the most part I tuned him out, just like I did when Mama made me go to her church all those years.?
揥hy did you take the pills when you knew they were taboo??Haley said.
揑 was pregnant by the time I figured out that my life wasn抰 mine, and Paul抯 wasn抰 his, either. We both belonged to the queen bee, a witch by the name of Martha Jackson. Before I even left the hospital after having the twins, they were already talking about me maybe having twin boys the next year. I didn抰 want to be pregnant again that quick, so I asked the doctor for a prescription.?Risa抯 tone sounded flat and lifeless. 揗artha and the six sisters-in-law had told me that God must love me because He double blessed me with twins. The only thing better would have been if they had been boys. The Jackson family puts a lot of stock in male heirs, just like the folks in the Old Testament did. She often talked about how that she had asked God for a quiver full of sons, and He had answered her by giving her seven.?
揌ow did they find out about the pills??Haley asked.
揑 got careless and left my newest package in my purse,?Risa answered. 揂t least I was lucky for sixteen years, or maybe, looking back, those were an unlucky sixteen years, because I lived with constant ridicule from Martha. According to her I needed to spend some time on my knees in repentance.?
揌oly smoke!?Haley gasped. 揌ow did Paul find the pills if they were in your purse??
揌e was digging around for my truck keys and found them. After he threw a fit, and a few dishes, he took the pills to his mother, and the rest is history. To be honest, since I had girls, and apparently was never going to be able to give him a son, he was more interested in how many deer heads and antlers he could hang on the walls than he was in being a husband or a father. He took the girls fishing a few times when he figured out that we weren抰 going to have more children, but even that didn抰 satisfy him. He wanted sons and lots of them, like his brothers all had.?
Haley finished off her milk. 揑抦 sorry you had to live like that. You should have told me years ago about all this. I would have gotten a bigger apartment, and you could have come to stay with me.?
Risa set her empty whiskey cup on a side table. 揟here were good times, but . . .?
揗ost of those involved the girls, not the family, right??Haley asked.
Risa nodded. 揧ou抎 think seventeen years would amount to something. I did what he wanted, catered to his mother and the family, but you can抰 imagine how mad he was when he found those pills. He accused me of cheating on him, of robbing him of sons, and of being a horrible wife. I was afraid he might finagle a way to take the girls away from me.?
揌as he called to check on them or sent you child support??Haley was genuinely worried about Risa and the girls now that she knew the whole story. With that kind of mother behind him, Paul might try to take the twins from her.
揂ll I got from him was a note saying that divorce papers were on the way. He said in the text that I can have whatever I brought into the marriage, and full custody of the girls. Since he doesn抰 actually own property, then there抯 nothing to fight about,?Risa said.
揌ow do you feel? Empty? Relieved? Liberated??Haley asked.
揂ll of the above,?Risa answered, 損lus angry, and now kind of sad since my own mother kicked me out. Then I抦 worried that all this will have a snowball effect on the girls?self-esteem. They抳e always had to take a back seat to the boys in the Jackson family.?
揥e抮e kind of in the same boat,?Haley said, 搊nly my mother did that years ago in a sense. Maybe the reason I wanted to be a counselor and help kids is because I knew down deep in my heart that something wasn抰 right in my own family. But concerning your girls, I don抰 see signs of them being anything but happy, so you can wipe that worry off your list. It抯 okay to be angry and even sad. Embrace it. Own it. Let the girls feel whatever emotions they抮e going to as well. And then toss it all out with the trash.?